girl next door is it so hard to find someone who loves me for me?

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Thursday, September 28, 2006

7 more to go!
online illegally. HAHAHAHA.
sian lah i slept just now again. too tired. boo hoo.
chinese was okay.
jus tthat the compo question was screwed. like so little people write! i scared out of point.
hahaha. its demoralising to see how much my log deproved lahhhh ):
ahh work hard work hard. i will :D
japheth i don't care my BOX of sweetS!

boo. charmaine pls cheer up okay!
and jiani =X hope your diarrhoea or whatever is better!

God bless everyone <3


shall give it a try. blogger isn't working well.

i seriously don't know what i mean to you.

HAHA. like tomorrow is chinese paper. wow. damn screwed. i din bring my banyueji home. inside got damn important stuffs. good luck to me man. im like damn dead lah. sigh.

why am i so blur?! i m getting more blur and blur nowadays.

why. haha. i never had such splitting headaches before. but this month proved me totally wrong.
like, wth wth wth wth! i keep falling asleep and u know what i just realised cedar physics is damn easy.
just look at that fucking cat high paper which made me cry, yeah i really cried like 5 min on the bus.

how wonderful.
its not just expectations. everything. who really wanna be at the bottom man.
internet is a harmful worm now.
HAHA.

i figured out how important you are to me.

quite.
or rather very.

i was throwing this horrible tantrum to kaiyin. like.

suddenly i feel i stand alone in this pathetic world.

what's wrong with the damn society.
its plain stupid.
why the hell am i sleeping late for, using all my energy to mug. and just mug. and having no life at all?
sara said i look damn dao and sad since last week.
maybe.
when was the last time anyone seen me smile, like a true smile?
even you couldn't make me smile.
exactly.

maybe things just fades with time huh.
everything.
memories feelings friendships youth care concern
AHHH BLAH BLAH BLAH

and im damn fucking pissed with her
she din even bother to tell or say anything
she thinks shes so great
she thinks she is able to do everything by herself
i shldnt waste my blood thinking about her even
now i see her in sch i wanna punch her -.-


ahaha i think im like going bishan lib damn often.
like later im gonna go there again to mug with eileen! :D
probably i will still stay there when she leave.
cos i know that today if i stay at home i sure sleeeep.
anyways.
damn stupid lah why the libraries close at 4 yesterday! you know how much people it affected....! hahaha.
why. if i cannot finish studying bio and ss and ge etc. im gonna.
not study math.
haha -.-

life is damn funny.
why the essay i chose was on LOVE.
so, mr sng's teachings worked somehow. though i forgot to write alot of things and i only realised it last midnight.
not funny.
its just, expectations to meet, you feel like the whole world is crumbling down. and nobody freaking understands.
why. cos they din have to go thru a hard time like i did in sec1.

im giving all my notes to steffi. HAHAHAHA.
you better study hard okay don't throw my face! :D

lots of things to say. which can't be say.
they turn into silent words.
you can choose to sing it, it becomes silent night.
right.

it may be easy to say some things.
but yeah when it comes you won't know if you'd certainly react that way.
if i appear to be a strong person to you (whoever who is reading this at the moment), then you've never really known me.
for everything has been a facade.
it was all a masquerade.

right.


it just feels diff.


shall make a quick post.
yups. happy belated birthday yunmin! happy birthday yusin! and happy early birthday to huiyi in another less than 10 hours x)

so many people's bday! :D HAHHAA.
went studying with eileen on mon. quite productive. yay! i love bishan library. HAHAHAHA. we got a table. then bella came. then we eat! and i finally bought printer ink. thing is, now i got black ink i dun have colour ink anymore. LOL! -.-

anyways thanks for the cd japheth x)

it's a nice album. i just dun like the fei yu qing song. LOL!
damn dumb.
first paper in 2 more days.

Lord please bless me with the wisedom and knowledge to do well.

we pretty much suaned yusin today during recess. MUAHAHAHA.
my "survery" rocks :D
AHHHHHHHHH! bye! time's up.


someone talk sense into my mum please.

haha.

i should really devote myself into mugging.
and stop coming online cos of LOL
im a stupid person.

i spent my free time reading ms wee's book.

i shall errrrr get my butt off here soon.

HAHAHA.

happy birthday eileen! :D
my beloved eeyore! (except for the fact that i call sw and sarasim eeyore sometimes too)
HAHAHAHA. and my mugging partner!
love you, (tho more people will love you HAHAHAHA)


YOYOYO! HAHAHAHA.
we finally got back our pprs, my mum is like zzz -.-
she looked at it and shake her head.
like, to me there's nothing to shake about lah?! i mean i think its good enough.
like, wtf -.-

i forgot my dad's birthday.
anways, happy birthday dad! tho you won't see this. HAHA.

charis and sw were conducting "storytelling sessions" yesterday! :D
HAHAHAA. interestingly enough it was to entertain me!
you cannot duh believe that jamie reads the IT girl cos its just so, not jamie, full of sex description and stuff.
but yeah she reads it -.-
AND I DON'T [: see, i am always guai and innocent and holy, get it? :D

i was thinking about charis's hello panda analogy.
and her okay and not okay analogy.
it does make sense, to a certain extent. HAHAHA!
quincy..... :D

taman negara IS SO DAMN COOL. wahlao, i wanna tour the whole malaysia man! the resorts look freaking nice. and all the nature stuff.
if not because of my physical being so lousy, i will go join odac in jc lah! white water rafting trekking mountain climbing and all then you go to all the nature places, so damn cool!
yes my hidden soul. i think im actually more outdoor but HAHAHAHA -.-
i wanna go the canopy walk! but then again dropping down is another matter.... still, ITS SO COOL! omg omg omg. i would so much rather go for these stuffs than, shopping -.- which i find is a damn ridiculous thing up till today, just like charmaine's 15cm bf logic HAHAA and heels!

okay, i sound crazy. you know the humanities department should organise such trips right! instead of shopping and stuff.
SIGH!!
okay i hope some teacher bounces across my blog and reads this. LOL!

i realise, life isn't quite really about materialism. i love the nature. but do you think i could actually take time out and do the things i like? no.
i don't even have a single clue as to ummm like 10 things i really like.

6 things in life i cannot live without?
mr sng says air water food relationships and i forgot. err rshelter? i dunno.

ms wee's book rocks! my mum said she read it before. like LOL.

因为当我还没发现的时候，我已经爱上你了。
世界上最遥远的距离，是两颗心之间的距离。
遗憾，也是一种幸福。因为你还有令你遗憾的事情。

expectations?
why do people EXPECT in the first place?
doesn't expectations bring disappointments, so why expect.
humans are funny creatures.
it almost crossed my mind, everything happens for a purpose.
looking back,
THAT happened, perhaps God wanted me to realise my friends around me more, rather than be stuck in some stupid thing.

you know, i have over 800 photos of me and my friends. yah. and still got alot but when i was sec1 my comp crash and tada gone. but adding up neoprints and stuff. maybe 900?
but, i look back and realised.
photographs only capture the happy moments. the smiles are not all real.
what about the sad moments? what captures them?
i guess scars is the answer.


im so fucking pissed.
i mean pls lah i wasnt even the one who said it, definitely not this year especially. and it isnt even the exact words i used? like what the fuck.
if i ever find out who said all those things saying that i said it,
YOU or whoever better watch out.
assholes.
if its so nice making up something that never happened before, why not make up a fairytale whereby YOU go and die?
right. then the world will have peace with less of people like YOU who are just so, fucking, annoying.
thanks alot it completely ruined my day.
what fucking shit is this man.

on the other hand, im still working out my eoys mugging timetable. HAHAHA. yes it shall still be as intensive as er two years ago? yahhhh! i book eileen! yay! :D
i shall be spotted at bishan library every mon from now onwards, until school term closes.
HAHAHA.

and, happy birthday quincy! :D SMILE OKAY.
i haven whacked you enough! HAHAHAHAHHAA.




maybe its just that we aren't fated. and will never be. oh wells. not as if i din surrender myself to this horrible truth yet. but. hahaha.

i hate myself for feeling certain ways certain time. yes, i passed ssgeog! woots. like finally something higher than C :D
i should be happy!

went to eat lunch with sara the eeyore and huiyi. then took bus back. as usual. 156 sucked -.- alot! i forgot to take money today lah wth.
i just want all this fucking shit to be over soon.
i miss choir, a little.

i want to sing it all out baby.

oh, class chalet. hahaha. chalets remind me of sad stuffs.

in fact im damn touched by lester. look at his nick lah. like. "i live to sing for God... janice, jiajun, ruiwen, christopher, joseph, me" altho iTs LiKe CaPs LiKe ThAt BuT yEaH.

humans always say we must treasure.
how do we actually go about treasuring the things that really matter a hell lot for us?
=X
i dunno i really dunno.
i can't think for nuts now thank you. i mean im like.
damn pissed now.


世界上最遥远的距离，不是明明彼此相爱却不能在一起，
而是明明在意，却假装没有把你放在心里。

cos you'll never find out anyway!

HAHHAAHA.
yesterday msn broke down. but mine didn't! YAY. cos some people had MAGIC what -.- tsks! right japheth? HAHAHA. rushed out my essay yesterday. i don't really have the energy to care. see how sloppish my chi work nowadays is.

mugging with eileen was good! killed lots of brain cells. but cannot stand eating one bread for lunch lah. then went the cafe downstairs =X ate fish and chips and one cheese cake. OMG OMG! saw novabelle and her friends. when she BOO me actually i was thinking of math then wo xiang dao le then she BOO me then i forgot lah! -.- took me so long to think. but i booed YOU back! :D

maybe, i do have what it takes to get all those perfect results.
but its too tiring. i don't want. i would rather get average results and spend my time with all my friends. knowing everyone more and better!
i really need you guys alot alot alot!
:D

tmr we will lottery draw our sitting partners! chewy says, fate/coincidence.
HHAHAHAHA. actually, coincidence is a kind of thing arranged by fate right?
i don't know.
god bless!

there was this thing about guys and height. WAHLAO CHARMAINE i still think 15cm is ALOTTTTT OKAY! -.-


if tv dramas can have nice endings,
why can't life?

All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time.

-the five people meet you meet in heaven.

nice book. haven finished it. HAHAHHAA. :D
why have i taken to reading again. anyways!
i love eileen!
for some random reasons, provided she gives me my letter tomorrowww.
i finally finished my fake story for chi zuowen. its titled the last compo of the year!


yah yusin is right. its one of the little things i can look forward to. HAHAHAHA :D
i shall continue with the halogens!

sometimes it just isn't right
one day you will find out why!


blahhhh hahaa watched xmen 3 at my grandma's hse today!
and studied at bishan library.
fine, it was cold.
BLAHHHHHHHHH hahahaha why couldn't they have such a big library at sengkang, i won't go home already. >.<
i suck big time at trigo. AHHHH> hahahahaha!

i feel that im such a bad friend.

i shall make chem notes if not i will be like killing myself hohohoho BLAH POOOOO!
i feel weird without math tuition now. lol. for some i dunno why reasons but anyway.
school's starting in two days time.

good luck to everyone ! =\ this term is gonna be damn spastic.
with eoys and o's and everything.
i will get through it
i won't let myself regret anymore.


LALALAALALA!


i hope my feelings are wrong =\
hahaha anyways today is the last day of choir for us. until like 2 months later? =\
okay im actually missing it. i dunno.
it wasnt until that day i found out how much i loved singing and stuff.

went out to eat with 1 pig (kaiyin) and bbwolf! (xuemin) :D
god i miss the old times okay.
like how we became good friends because of neoprint taking.
like how we always go kovan take neoprints back in sec1.
like how we go home together almost everyday.
like how me and kaiyin mugged together.

everything.

we all live different lives now yeah.
like how each and every one of us changed, big or small.

<3
-

i can't believe im sleeping again man. omg. ahahahaha! i haven done my graphs, and zuowen =hmmmm.
die lah omg omg omg.
HAHAHHAA. i think bishan library is quite cool leh! :D
then like no need to go all the way to bugis to study. LOL!
yah good idea. i will just sleep if i stay at home, like today. see la huiyi you break my fragile heart ):
i have taken to saying the word spastic. -runs and bangs wall.
see la omg -.-

readon! omg take care can =\ scare me man!


edit: got tagged by japhethhhhh to do this. hahaha.

1) put ur music player on shuffle
2) press forward for each question
3) use the song title as the answer for ur qsn, even if it doesnt make sense
4) tag 5 other people
5) bold the questions and the the answers and give ur own comments

how are you feeling today?
baby baby tell me (cyndi wang)

LOL! you tell me how shld i feel !

will you get far in life?
bring me to life (evanescence)

AHAHA JACKED!

how do your friends see you?
break you (marion raven)

errr. HAHAHA.

will you get married?
qing tian (jay chou)

errr. meaning no clouds? LOL! no rain!

what is your best friend's theme song?
with all i am (hillsong)

what is the story of your life?
only lonely =
NONONO! im loved by many! :D

what was primary school like?
wen ji zi (elva hsiao)

ask myself! HMMMM. okay? with certain memories.

how can you get ahead in life?
i'll keep waiting (sclub7)

yeah. HAHAHAHA. i will wait?

what's the best thing about your friends?
the show must go on (BoA)

errr do our best in whatever things? LOL!

what is in stall for this weekend?
allegro

meaning fast. HAHAHAHA?

what song describes you?
dragon days (alicia keys)

im dangerous! LOL!

to describe your grandparents?
all in love is fair (sclub7)

????

how is your life going?
cai zhi dao (fish leong)

yah now then i realise alot of things.

how does the world see you?
wo xi huan ni kuai le (elva hsiao again!)

happy happy! everyone's happy!

will you have a happy life?
you raised me up (josh groban)

????????

what does your friend really think of you?
zai yi ci yong you (gong shi jia)

what is it supposed to mean. LOL!

do people secretly lust after you?
wei wan cheng (stef sun)

incomplete? TSKS!

how can i make myself happy?
sing with love by hillsong

YES! SING WITH LOVEEE to GOD!

what should you do with your life?
belief. (s.h.e)

i will keep my belief (:

will you ever have children?
xiang nong (twins)

im blurred! LOL.

i shall be nice and sabo...

eileen!
huiyi!
kaiyin!
qixuan!
sharronong!

xD



the LORD upholds all those who fall, and lifts up all who are bowed down.

PSALM 145:14


i am almost done with my work :D yayness! HAHAHAHHAA.
(:
my bill is dead. seriously. LOL! tomorrow is the start of new bill like FINALLY.
hope my mum will kill me. tsks!


i read julynn's blog. and something struck me.

expectations.

all of us live some sort of a routine life. we expect things to come just naturally.
what if it doesnt?

like, we expect to go to sch everyday, and see the same old friends. but what if one day something that happened breaks ur routine?

=
don't live for a better tomorrow. live for a better today. now i think its no point trying to like, i dunno. some things you keep dragging on you may never get a chance to do it. some words you keep in your heart you may never get a chance to say it.

somethings just come so, unexpected.

why is life so funny?

and fake.

many in this world think its a pain living. sometimes i think that way too. i thought alot last night. din get to sleep until like perhaps 2am?

but why not look around you and see how fortunate you are compared to many others.


treasure life.


I’m like typing in microsoft word now cos I think blogger will break down on me before I even type finish. Hahaha I mean my internet connection.

MONDAYYYY!

Went back to school in the morning. Hahahaha! Learnt bandages :D biru my casualty. Like, HEHEHE! Elyssa actually said the head bandage thing makes her look like ronaldhino like FAINTS!

Then I went home and then piano exam. It’s like totally screwed man. Think I might fail. Plus aural which is supposingly good for me was totally atrocious. I couldn’t even sing lah. Its THAT bad. Oh well. Sigh. What to do. Hahahaha.

Didn’t felt like going for the chalet at first. Like I’m already depressed enough over my exam, plus denyse refuses to sleepover. Like I’ll have totally no one to talk to. Hahaha. Thanks readon! For like being there to talk to me and stuff.

So I went. Yah my parents were kinda pissed. Cos my dad fetch me to school, back from school, to exam, and I came home myself and to pasir ris mrt. LIKE HAHAHAHA CHRIS IS SUPER JACKED cos I reached there first! Tsks. I stopped at the wrong stop lah. And in the end the carpark’s like under renovation I went a whole big round and like poof appeared at the chalet gate to be waiting for SOME PERSON for so long and then found out Janice they all is like at kfc meaning we have to walk there and back again when I just passed it -.-

Janey can scream man =\ like even better than me. HAHAHAHAHA. Body slam =\ joseph’s this cute little sec1 boy who attacks her. Hahahaha. And finally Jiajun came :D then we went food court to eat and arcade but din play lah. Lester played some game tho. AHHHH. Why must they allow smoking in pool (I mean the whole place lah the game POOL hahaha) or else I would have like considered sneaking in. But chris offered to invite us to his house one day to play, HAHAHAHA.

Back at the chalet was like talk and talk and talk. Its like wow hahaha like you could just talk and talk and talk. I figured out I must have drank like how many litres of mineral water, man, and ricola. HAHAHAHA. Planned to watch sunrise at first but it rained like damn heavily blahhhh. Ghosts in the room >.< then joseph had to fell asleep and occupy one whole bed to himself we 3 slept on one bed, like -.- I changed positions like duno how many times and woke up a lot while sleeping and one point my leg was like numb =
Dumb people next door keep banging the wall for god’s sake AHHHHH lack of sleep!!! Then I woke up I saw lester. And Janice sleeping position damn cool can! HAHAHAHAHA. Like qiao4 jiao3 and all so funny. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw lester stoning there. =\ and like maybe 6 plus the people next door started playing mahjong lah faints. They bought fries back and me and jiajun were like trying to wake THE PIG up but yah, chris is damn pro. Yes you are! Sleep like dunno how long lah. Went macs for breakfast. Couldn’t finish the pancakes hahahaha. Sigh, my throat is like zzzz now!

Then denyse Penelope victorya jinli Genevieve came! Went to cycle then some of them went to escape, yeah. It was like drizzling then like the raindrops covered my specs and all hahahhaa I think we probably cycled like 2 rounds of the whole park? The flying fox thing spoilt. Haha then went to playground swings and all AHHHHHH why the hell do they stop building swings now lah. >.< I got like 6 big mosquito bites. -.- I think my cycling is still that bad HAHAHAHA. Later mel Cheryl and tiffany came and we watched predator HAHAHAHA it was quite scary :D then there were screams and all. Then went to eat lunch and went to beach.

Saw breathing roots. HAHAHAHA its like some pokey thing la I think if a person lies on it u will like die and all. And went back and played truth or dare. JANICE AND RUIXIAN x) yah lor she must be so sad he din come lah. Stupid guy. Hahahaha. The confession part was, LOL! And lester chose dare and had to like tell + that she is pretty. “I beg your pardon?” shit man make me feel like laughing. Jiajun you’re damn mean lah sabo me ): hahahaha! Joseph almost like tried to bodyslam me lah freak me out and I was screaming and all.

And they left and its back to us again. Then we left too. AHHHHH. Im still like kind of in the chalet mood BLEAH exams WILL be over in 2 months time then we can like have gathering again! :D

I am like super tired now! ):
-


Today was errrrr yah I woke up at 8.15 and choir starts at 9. but I’m pro lah! HAHAHAHAHA. I reached there at 8.59 LOL! Learnt new songs. AHHHH. My voice is still quite terrible. Omg luckily chris you ain’t sick if not I will feel damn guilty lah >.< then accompanied Eileen to meet HER friend and qx and Dionne left halfway, HAHAHAHAH I want jelly ): BLEAHHHHH.

I conclude that hockey people ARE violent. Damn spastic can. AHHHHHH. I shall like do math now my homework my god. I have an urge to eat chocolates. But duh, I can’t. okay what crap.

I also realized that HAHAHAHAHA I don’t sleep a lot, really. There’s always a higher mountain out there! (translate to Chinese LOL)
xD

-

I think humans are funny mammals. Its really, somethings cannot be explained one lor!


move on.
the words are so simple.
but it really isnt.

why bother to hold on so hard when others don't even care?
every voice i hear every word i see hits me so hard, there may be million needles inflicted each second.

为什么
等到没有得挽救时
才来后悔？


maybe holidays are meant for thinking.

ever tried staring at the things around you, thinking about all your regrets and should-have-dones?
what if i were to die tomorrow?

thinking how were ur existance an impact on the others?

i don't know.

sometimes you sit down, and watch things drift apart, yet u can't do anything to salvage.
ok, even if u could do something, it's of no use.

the world's a fake to start with.

ever wondered how cliche everything around you is? the society and stuff.

maybe quincy's right, her blog, saying trust once broken is considered sold.
why do i still try to trust you so much after all that's happened?
forgetting will be an easier way out, definitely.

but somethings won't heal.
somethings won't change.

somethings are inreversible reactions.
you say words you can't take it back.
you let go of things around you you can't hold it back.

maybe we ought to realise that all the smiles around us isn't a form of happiness.
its just a sign of uneasiness.

theres too much questions to ask and answers to seek for.

为何要无话可说，才知道

i dunno the meaning of life anymore.
is trying to indulge yourself in work and everything a form of running away for everyone?

很多事情对我来说，越来越没有意义了


HAHAHA. ok i feel that i let down my piano tchr. tho she keep screaming at me.
cos like ytd i practised 2 hours in the noon, and went for my 2 hour piano lesson. she went like "did u practise alot alot?"

me: no abit only
she: wah improve alot leh! all ur scales and ur pieces got feelings i want

zzz! if she knows its only 2 hours im gonna die.
i feel that i ruin the composerS music. HAHAHAHA.

LOL. i lost my voice again. i can talk abit if i want to but its seriously out of frequency or amplitude or what. HAHAHAHA. how to take the aural section on monday? im dead.

MUAHAHAHAHA.
woke up at 2 today. cos of the dumb medicine. YAY I LEARNT TO SWALLOW pills of around 1x0.5 cm. HAHAHAHA. its a good accomplishment i guess.

this holiday is relatively good. except for the 6 math papers we have. AND ELI SAY 3S GOT FOUR ONLY?! -.- weekie say she got four also ): ): ):

i feel like calling huiyi now. but my disgusting voice... zzz! HAHAHAHAHA.

my blog posts are getting more random and more random and more random.

how i wish i understood korean.

HEHEHE YOU KNOW WHATTTTTTTT!
i just wanna dig a hole and sleep man. i duno. its like so tiring and stuff. and i keep getting sick. oh wells. and screw my internet. and there's this whole big page about ACS I and their 13 gold medals or something.

whatever. -.-

HAHAHAHA. i think i am beginning to adapt to quietness. since i can't talk much anyways. im quite pissed at somebody and another person but oh wells.
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

did i happen to say that i have turned into a cold hearted creature? hehehe.

i shall start on my hol homework. damn scared that cos im like so sick now she dun allow me stayover lah! omg. thats gonna be like worse than me failing my piano exam or something.
i suspect my piano has got one octave less. as in range of keys. i dunno. HAHAHAHA.