girl next door is it so hard to find someone who loves me for me?

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Friday, October 27, 2006

so what makes you you you you you and you think that i WILL surely get a1 for chi?
HAHA. it's such a funny joke man.

1. liking to do something, and actually doing it for the sake of school's reputation, totally sucks like shit. some people are just youknowyouknow. yeah. competitions, what's that?
2. results aren't everything, but they are something.
3. while trying very hard to love someone, you actually suffer, but at least you still love. haha. selfless love, all the "omg i love you!" its all learning processes in life.
4. friends are damn important to your life, cos without them this year i'd have died. (: you just know who you can depend on!
5. good teachers brings out the best in their student, so its damn important to have a good tchr! we're always saying if this yr without mr sng our classs will prob be some stupidmuggerclass.
6. when you think something's impossible, it usually becomes possible.
7. study smart, not hard.
8. everything changes.
9. i actually learnt 8 subjects worth of things. !
there's still so much more i can't list.

GAH BLAH BOO! half an hour more to goong (: right. i sound crazy. HAHAHA. who knows. i wondered what i did today, seems so insignificant.
sometimes, you just get shocks out of your life.

i think chi compre passages are damn meaningful. haha. they say that the book of humans (direct translation) is the hardest to read.
can't someone invent a uv tool or sth then i can scan people inside out? HAH.
so what makes me me?
see so lil people online, everyone must be mugging lah, sigh.

sometimes it would be nice to be an angel from the top! : D then you look down at this pathetic earth, see funny things people randomly do everyday......

somethings won't be given a second chance, that's life.

while seeking for perfection, we often lose out in some other stuffs.

if sneezing actually means that someone is thinking of you, i rather get flu the whole of my life. ;P

sometimes you just need a few friends who will stay thru in your life.



I WONDER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE ON THE WHOLE TO GROW UP! )x

babies just cry and smile. easy life huh?
that doesn't imply that i wanna be a baby.
cos it's pathetic not being able to realise your other emotions

gahgah.

in fact, i almost have no qualms for anything now.
too tired? no.
it's the process of beginning to accept everything that comes your way.
God's got a purpose for it right.


goong is nice, HAHAHA, not because the guys are shuai, because the story is nice, fairytale-like and touching.
yes im a girl who is easily conned HAHA -.-
i only know one line of the song, so does anabella! YAY.

so afterall i din go to school. after sleeping for so many hours, i finally feel good. like wth who can survive without food for 12 hours on a normal school day.

blahhh! i think charmaine's blog makes sense.
sad to say i can cry in front of almost anyone, don't ask me why. cos i don't know. right now i still have a pile of 0.5cm thick worksheets to read, it sounds little, measure it, it's damn alot. papers leh! )(*&^%@!

maybe huiyi is right. friends shouldn't be too demanding. i 've learnt not to ask too much when a person don't wanna tell you something, the reason that someone doesn't want to tell you something, is usually that the person don't treat you as his/her good friend afterall. maybe i was all to naive thinking that you were my damn good friend all the while. HAHA. what a joke.
sometimes you know this person all your life, but when you die, you realise that actually you guys have been strangers all the while.

strangers.

what a familiar yet strong word.

or maybe i read too much into things. i don't know. i won't wanna know. it's funny how people can actually have TELEPATHY. trust me, it doesn't work. how come one will yearn to know something, esp knowing that knowing the truth will actually hurt herself even more?

the amount of hurt + amount of comfort + amount of strength + amount of friendship you've gave me, i can't weigh it. does it sum up to a negative number, or a positive one?
when i die i will know lah.

i shall go out to do work later, yeah, and perhaps meet huiyi.
afterall i still feel something wrong with my stomach, maybe it's gastric. sheesh, like the camper ytd =\ woops!

altho i don't know the english translation for the song PERHAPS LOVE in goong ost, i can feel the bitter and sweetness in it. shrugs. is it me, or is it the song?
someone ever said that there's no true love in the world, i strongly agree to the statement man! humans are humans, stated fact.

lets hope i get better later.


no one fact. jessica is excited for school tmr!
:D

ANYWAYSSSSSS!
maybe,

don't be like that.

i shouldn't be wallowing in self pity, its my o's im gonna take.
BLAHHHHH. what's worse, my left eye abit swollen.
this is so terrible, because it's public holiday, library's closed!
i shall go bishan lib to finish my holiday homework HAHA.

damn it damn it damn it.

belay school! : D
can't believe it YET AGAIN, one year passed like that.





shouldn't really be here.
HAHAHAHA. im thinking of a thousand and one things after o's!

1. ms wee's lunch/dinner treat whateverrrr! i want food.

2. will there ever be a choral fest gathering? - shrugs. seriously, chalets won't work.

3. chris's house! the mini-est gathering you can ever find. at least. haha!

4. pooh outing! wooooots! : D like since when was the last time we went out, right. 2 months PLUS PLUS ago. ):

5. leaders' chalet! if yusin booked it. shrugs AHHHHH.

6. class chalet! : D though i think it will end up clique-ish again but no as if i can save it.

7. ltc & belay school! okay, belay school is like this week HOHO. good luckto sec2s man!

8. shopping shopping shopping movies blah foood! with lots of people!

9. do you think a 6a gathering will actually, um, work? HAH!

10. run, yes, i shall start running, no not stadium that's like malu, gym!

11. start working on my sec3 notes for 123456 yeah 6 subjects see what's there to add in, wahlao, tedious work!

12. i need money, to buy xmas presents! HAHAHAA. dun wanna end up like sec1, nobody's got a card from me then.

13. oh yeah my pigs! omg. hahaha. and bbwolf? x)

14. search, look for a place to study. no joke! the first element of studying is, a nice place!

15. sentosa! grrrr either 1. i get the stupid tan from rockwall out of my hands and neck, or 2. i go tan until its even down on my thighs!

16. eat more chicken rice with deborah, get back our bet : D

17. clear all letters and stuffs and bday presents! wooots! rejoice. im gonna go DAMN BROKE! ):

18. go back to choir, talk. yeah. crap.


page 133 of vj book.

日出和日落，只在一点相交。其实人也许只是在跟很多其他运行在自己轨道上的人不停地相交，发生一些事，然后再离开。再离开了之后，两条轨道就会渐行渐远，又跟茫茫人海中的其他人一样，一样只有一个名在----谋生人。人开心的理由无非就是跟喜欢的人和事相交的时间长一些，而伤心和不舍得的就是只需咫尺就可以相交的时候，却发现这两条轨道只是没有尽头的平行线。

有时候，日出日落。
没时候，人来人往。


or maybe this isn't what i want at all.
i dunno. haha. what crap. im still thinking if i shld go for badminton at all, i want to run on treadmill! hahaha.
but if lin lao shi actually can house us, i dun really mind.
i need a condusive environment, no beds, no pillows, no soft things!
now the moment i see chinese, i feel like fainting, it's causing me so much problems.
to think chris zhao is actually doing chinese now, omg im gonna faint faint faint!
life is boring, look, actually being busy is good, takes your mind off things. now that im relatively free, i actually think alot about alot of things.

maybe ms wee is right, falling is good, to a certain extent.


or maybe this whole time you've been making use of me?
maybe. i don't wish to think. the reason i did not do something i so wanna do today is because of what you said some time ago.
i remember everytime you hurt me so deeply.

yes i do.

HAHAHA my neck is like PAIN PAIN PAIN! sun burnt )x
yeah why must we wear trackpants, now i got so many tanlines WAHLAOOOO.
ate chicken rice today! <3 yummmy. HAHAHA. i just love chicken rice.
wonder if kelly debby actually got the bottles hehe.
bella take care aye!

woohoo i shall not come online so often anymore.
11 more days. near aye. sigh.
i seriously find not enough time. HOW? i promised ms wee i will study hard for it!

why can't they count l1r5 for THIS term then i will be happy.
haha.
laugh.
my skin is rotting.
yay. had talk about contact lenses today, quote sarah "why give us books never give free contacts" !
YAH LOR WHY NEVERRR ): haha. i love my tortoise!

i don't believe this world.
bye bye world, till i'm back.


because i never had the courage to tell you i love you,
because you all were meant to be.


you don't exactly treat me as your friend do you?


you did, still.
i dunno how am i supposed to feel but oh well. im still disappointed over my chemistry paper. i STILL am. still AM. o h w e l l , forget it. im not gonna start my whining all over again. i got quite sick of it apparently. and yes, i still did not meet my target of an A2 for english. awwww. give up man! i know i can depend on chinese, can't i?

maybe not. since i said im gonna flunk o's. HAHAHA. maybe chris will flunk his too. im NOT cursing. (:

i saw this pretty necklace just now! im so gonna buy it like tomorrow or something, after losing sight of the other one which i never saw it again, im so gonna get it! i sound bimbotic? HAHAHA. i don't really care. there's not really anything in this world for me to care. i decided to cut my hair next year, oac. HAHAHA. tentative decision.
(this is what i do when im bored, i think about the future)

(not that it will come true tho, haha)
i just hate this feeling. the detergent is making my skin itch. like wth! -.- the sch is simply, i -have- nothing- to- say. woots!


because this time i know you won't be there for me, when i need to call someone to cry over my pathetic results (yeah i have been having LOTS of dreams of the marks), when i need to frustrate everything out, when i need someone to tell me not to give up, when i need someone to tell me i can do it.
even if you wished to be there, i wouldn't let you be.
i will walk thru all this by myself, let this be a chance for myself to learn to be strong, to learn to survive without you, to learn to stand up without your helping hand,
'cos all this while you have already become PART of MY life.

HAHA chewy is gonna rebond her hair! im so random. haha.
i dread tomorrow like siao. really LIKE siao! or like SIAO. cherissa you freak me out. i don't wanna learn cheng yu man ):
i got cheated by my cousin lah.
forget i conclude that limruiwen believes people very easily and thus always get cheated!
there's this fish leong song damn nice, heard it over the tv just now. MUAHHAAHAHA.
why does everything reminds me of you.
i haven pack finish my tuition file, haven done the papers, oh man i just wanna sleep.

cos sleeping = a way to escape from reality to me.
i won't have to keep checking my phone, hoping for a little something.
neither would i have to face the stupid hot weather.


you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
haze = air pollution + rise in temperature
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
:D
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
haze = NO SCHOOL!
ruiwenn! laugh about the ol' times. says:
no lor air pollution is like chewy rain
ruiwenn! laugh about the ol' times. says:
HAHAHHAA.
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
hha!
ruiwenn! laugh about the ol' times. says:
chewy rain = chewy cell dissolved in water
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
ahhah
ruiwenn! laugh about the ol' times. says:
formula = Cw (aq) !
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
WHY CW?!
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
is...
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
Cy (:
ruiwenn! laugh about the ol' times. says:
NO LORRR!
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
haha!
ruiwenn! laugh about the ol' times. says:
Cw reacts with tortoise to form eggs!
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
哈哈哈哈
you're everything that makes me feel alive. says:
-.-

!


i just can't get my butt off to do work.
hahaha. for some i-also-dunno-what-reasons. -shrugs.
just, not in the mood.
afterall, coming home after 7 everyday this week does make you have no mood.
fun is in the season! no longer.

i was stoning in front of the tv just now. since 11. yeah. and i began to think like, what if we all grow up, no i mean we WILL all grow up. what happens? will we still have time to "hang out", or sit under the sun and talk, or do stuffs and have fun, have camps.
& my conclusion is, no.
we'd all be probably stuck in our busy lives. having routines yet again. work work. or some will stay at home or some would still pursue studying.

things will be damn damn damn different. i can't find a word that is "big scale" enough to describe that difference.
people will just come in and out of every of our lives isn't it.
who really has a "bestfriend" for life, like what kathy said in her blog.

changes are the only things that doesn't change in this world LOR.
jessica must be doing yoga now =\ HAHAHA RANDOM.
i have totally no idea. lol.

for once your words struck me so hard i have been thinking.
found no bloody conclusion cos i suppose there can't be any.

for you, (unknown number2), i dunno too. did you say it out of no where, or do you really mean your words?

oh haha i bought another fbt! hahaha sounds so, diao.

weiting's blog is DAMN funny. x)


i dunno where i got my rope burns, but anyway wahlao PAIN LAH!
i shall do some constructive stuff tomorrow. yeah. on the verge of losing my voice. sheesh man.
shall go to sleep!

good luck to those people having eoys hahaha.


YOYOYO! din blog for quite long.
it's a long week lah! hahaha. refreshers were okay. yeah i sort of miss the feeling. shrugs. hahaha.
talking talking and talking.
hahaha. ytd me sharr jess were mad. to sit under the HOT BLOODY sun outside esplanade and talk. damn hot. hahaha. they can eat man -.-
no bowling )x ahhh!

went eating with kelly bella debby again [: salad left early
kelly never fails to say spastic things. ahhhhhh! it seems like the whole oal board is buying nalgene bottles. LOL!
abseiling!
thanks for the cheers people hahaha.
i know jessica you're TOUCHED (bei mo le!) that we shouted ur chinese name :D

okay i think this post is so random.

im abit excited to see what kind of results i get. jess says mailtray paper says 6 subject papers back on monday. madness!
like what kelly said, if my best is so lan then too bad lah. lol.
what to do. not say bestttttttt lah i don't know my limit but yeah. more than 50%. less than sec1 and sec2. bleah. i found my wallet!


god. today was damn hilarious.
SOMEBODY forgot my breakfast lah, hor! SIGH! its a great thing i din actually faint. HAHAHAHA!
went to sch, din know chief was so lame, see the paper. siao lah. burst out laughing. jessica is lame as usual. see. i m actually later than her.
damn.

our first time! nevermind. HAHAHAHAA. geraldine good!

:D

jessica is in love with SOMEONE LOR kathleen come on read this im urging to tell you who is the SOMEONE!
sigh... jessica is so terible! HOR!
oh well.

I WANT FBTS ZZZ! cannot find black/dark blue round cut. HOWWWWWWW!
im getting so tight up with so many things, yet don't have the energy to actually care. oh yeah my fingers were still numb when i went to bed yesterday.
sigh. nevermind. HAHAHA.
im gonna buy that piano book tomorrow. omg.


for the first time in 48 hours, i feel stress.
stress, because everyone kept their chinese tuition notes since sec1, while i threw quite alot away.


shoot me! then she started ranting about what will come out in olevels. im like, totally not listening. chris was suaning me about it. -.-
oh and i realised dylon has ELEVEN god, ELEVEN soft toy on his pencilcase.
pro! hahaha!

ruiwenn! & the truth will set sparks; says:
YO YO kathy what's up!
kathleen and when this world's insincere. says:
the sky

best of the best.
WE'RE BOTH COOL OKAYYY! : D
kathy is lame lah!


my mum is seriously pmsing.
she just threw my books and papers o nthe floor.
LIKE WHATS UR PROBLEM.
do you realise that some of the things do NOT belong to me?
it's like my friends'?
like wtf.

haha im google blogger searching my own name in people's blog archives. oh yeah. reminded me of alot of past things. thats what you do when you're damn bored.
HAHAHA.
im gg school at 8.30 tmr with jessica! tho, no more 6.30
see, some things just can't be the same.

im surprised by char's tag in her tagboard. haha.


i woke up at like 11am. omg. SUPER EARLY. i thought of sleeping till 4pm lah.
okay HAHAHHA i really have nothing to do. chris asked me to go read book. then suddenly i rmb i haven read finish eileen's the five people you meet in heaven.


<3 you!!! AMOR MEUS;; says:
i was saying i should do some maths

i finally found someone crazier than me!

i owe alot of ppl bday presents =char's 2nd present
eileen
yunmin
quincy
and cheryl's coming!

nevermind i saved like 50 bucks this week. HOHOHOHO.

the haze is damn stupid lah. like i cannot even see anything! orchard road yesterday looked more like a burning forest in the distance to me.
IM BORED.
maybe i should file my notes.
HAHAHHAA. since i couldn't throw them away. like wth.
all become kiam chai already!
i should start planning my nov hols MUAHAHA.


anyways. charis. take care okay! IM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS! cos you know you love me (5 words :D )


it's over.
i survived!
all of us did, right! :D

world trade centre.
it made me realise, is it that only when you die, or before you die that you actually reflect back on your whole life? in chinese called hui2 guang1 fan3 zhao4. you start to think about all the incidences that occurred. you start to regret things you do to your loved ones, start to regret for various reasons that you neglected them.
i actually thought of you while watching the movie.

anyways. humans are cruel, yes, and can be kind. the damn terrorists. how could they even have the heart to like kill so many innocent people? the screams, everything. perhaps we ought to realise how how truly fortunate we are. then i realised im selfish. im someone who is afraid to die, tho i think alot of ppl also lah. i definitely won't abandon my own life trying to save other people. perhaps that's why. yeah. and somemore in their case when you're taking a gamble. some died not even helping others.

i told simin if i were them, i would probably be like the guy who shot himself to save himself from misery.

so i'm a person who doesn't believe much?
i'll rather take the shortest route out, to save myself from pain.
perhaps, i never really loved in the first place, no one not even my parents will make me have the strength to carry on living cos of them, in those circumstances.
what if the buildings jsut collapsed now.
im damn interested to know what i'll think of.


hahaha. huiyi's post made me think. perhaps one year ago i will do the same, cry when the last paper ends. cry when everything goes screwed since 2 out of 4 papers now alr is. excluding the languages.

why. or shld i blame myself, for being so slack. for not realising the importance of starting early.

my dark little secret. i never dared tell anyone. cos people will sure wag and yag about it. the thing now is. i realised my ability. i know i really know if i put in my 100% i would be able to score all my desired grades for various subject.

but im not making the effort. slack? contented?

i don't know.

maybe. but this time im dead.
who isn't if their only humans is gonna get like, c5. or even c6.

this time my real enemy is myself.
i couldn't manage to tell my brain to tell me to work hard.
i don't wanna reach the top, i know somehow if i figured it out i can. since when have i not believed in myself.

because, i don't want to fall.
because, i am afraid.

duno when we see scrubs. it triggered me to thinking about my faith.
why is God letting so much people suffer in other countries? innocent people. disasters. everything.

or is this the vicious cycle of life.

or what. i'll never learn anyway. mistakes are mistakes. im not grumbling. im hating myself for everything. im hating myself for attituding to people cos im in bad mood. im hating myself for not working hard. im hating myself for the masks i carry.

everything.

at the end of the day, no one will be there anyway. sade asked me, what's the purpose of living since the world may end tomorrow.

i din know how to answer her.

someone made me realise that even the happiest face on earth, is binded by troubles.
even the most sensible person, is bound to be afraid at times.
even the most honourable promises, are going to be broken someday.

my mum says, if now we already like that. ain't we all gonna die when o levels come.

i told her i may die even before prelims.

of course not literally die, spiritually.

why are we like "mugging", for a better future? or just so that you won't lose to other people? or various reasons. i.e. incentives from parents?

oh the latter USED to work on me. now it doesn't.

5 things im glad about life.

1. friends and family.
2. that i can sing.
3. that i don't have any major health problem to speak of, except that im underweight.
4. im having a reasonably good life, got food got air got water got education got computer
5. i know who cares and who doesn't





maybe i don't know at all.
rahh!

chewy not replying me on msn lah ): HAHAHHAA> break my heart!

dunno whats wrong with me. i gave up studying chem outside the hall when everyone was still drowning in their notes.

maybe i've changed. good or bad? i don't know.