girl next door is it so hard to find someone who loves me for me?

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links ARTEMIS! 08S6B credits http://blogskins.com/me/electro-pop/ ramblings D:

Saturday, March 31, 2007

NYEH.
im so whiny but sg's service industry is really, PATHETIC.

HAHAHA, i slept like throughout the afternoon which is like so shiok but the aftermath comes in when my head hurts like shit now because i slept in aircon with my hair SOAKED with water.

NEVERMIND, HAHAHAHA.

i was thinking what does the country's fund exist in? 1 million notes ah. tsks.

anabella is ranting on how pig she is.

HAHAH.


"YAH NEXT YEAR EVERYBODY COME BACK TOGETHER LAH!"
-highfives-





i hope so, alot,


hideout/hideaway

when things goes through your mind everyday, you get sick and tired of it.
maybe by the end of the day i will realise that i never really asked.

she only wants to win herself.
it isn't an obsession, it's so that there won't be disappointments.

how true, when disappointments sink in, it's often because of high expectations.

higher you are, the more you fall.

what about packing up the mess, and never to care again?
她做不到,

因为千百个牵挂使人疯狂。


moral of the story: effort does the job.

don't know how long this will last,

HAHA MR SNG'S WEDDING SITE IS SUPER DUPER HILARIOUS LAH ZOMG!
HAHAHAHA.
emo pics. but the photographs were like SO FREAKING NICE, shld be taken in chinatown?
whatever, but HAHAHAA photoshop. but still nice!
and duno who was saying in class that the url sounds like porn site.

mon's pracs are officially cancelled for us, due mid year exam : D
YAY. meaning more time to sleep and study woots.
mugger mugger mugger.

suddenly i still managed to see light. LOL.

speech day tomorrow.
thinking.

虚空


万物已变质了

hanging by a thread,
spinning in the air,
no, she says,
somethings will never be the same.

if someone was to be blamed,
she doesn't know who.
and bare your soul out.

-

TODAY WAS SLACK DAY :\
HAHAHA, mrs tan is leaving and oh well her long speech cut into our english lessons meant for scrubs ): got back the first english TA of the year and guess what, I DIN GET ANY MARK STARTING WITH '1'! thank God man : D

went to sit with mengqiao during chinese due to the inbearable heat and she started suaning me with the chi idiom of pot calling kettle black -.-
FAN IS COOL.
why can't cedar have aircons?! (sheesh this sounds childish but seriously lah)
the earth is getting screwed day by day!
WOOHOO.

forgot denyse's long and cheem and well memorised meaning of tragedy.

i guess this whole thing is a explicit example.

haha! me and cheryl telepathy man!



she stares at the blanked paper,
the very same piece of paper that was once filled with ink.
but now, what's left are liquid, liquid fluids.

desperation, driving to the walls of insanity.
was it the maximum terminal velocity, or was there something more waiting for her?

half bodied covered with feathers,
she loomed in that fantasy island, once again filled with much trauma.


sometimes, when you get too used to something and when you try going back the old ways, it fails, completely.

even if the old ways consist of completely wonderful memories.


because you get used to a broken life.

In the day
In the night
Say it all
Say it right
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid

i don't know if one day i will regret all this.
actually i think even if i had a choice, i will still walk back the same stupid path. oh well.
reflects on my stupidity.

my attempt to sleep at 10.30pm so i won't be tired today completely failed -.-
BECAUSE I WAS EVEN MORE TIRED THIS MORNING.
GRAH, so did that happen to jamie ):
wonder how singyee manage to sleep at 1am man!
IM FLAT BROKE NOW, because of the $15 i paid for INSPIRATION.
deciding btw gg church to study or gg out after speech day.
but actually HEHE of cos go out right!
RARE OPPORTUNITY.

jamie claims she is gonna remove daniel's smiley face. LOL.

break the silence.



please tell me it's all my imagination.
i don't want the balances to be broken.

not at all.


All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

& break free.
let me fall into one deep sleep, where i can dream of everything i want.

BIOLOGY CLASS WAS FUNNY TODAYYY! : D
okay, i learnt about meiosis and there's this red and white-coloured flowers and stuff.
GAMETES!
woo hoo im a combination of two gametes! LOL.
if you 're blood type AA, and you're spouse is BB, and ur son is OO, die!!!! your wife has affair outside man!
so sad ):

qx's got her art exam today i gave her A HUG.
gosh, still deciding if i shld go for sushi tei (after ironically reading about it at chriszhao's blog). PIG.
or shld i go home and study, but i wanna shop more than i wanna eat! hehe.

joke of the day, forms of simile are "like the snail" or "as slow as the tortoise"
which means, YOU LIKE PIG AH! (not the xi3 huan1 meaning, but the look like meaning) is a simile! SHEESH, english is so wonderful yeah,
we use it all the time : D

i still have one more kinder brueno to eat. HAHAHA.


sometimes i don't know myself at all.
hopefully nothing goes wrong.

tuition was quite funny! she was ranting about using cow dung as masks and how the japan people recycle things and how maggi mee is bad for health! LOL, even got sheep dung and duno what dung lah.
AYE GOOD FOR FACE OKAY.
and she saying how her friend's children waste water, like on aircon even while going out so that when the son comes back the house is cooling.

RICH FREAKS.

IM SO NOT TIRED AHAHA.


bring me through the barriers.
across everything.


was having conference with char and jas till 12+ !
hahaha stupid lah side track until like that.
IT WAS SO FREAKING FUN SUANING CHARMAINE NG JINGWEN.
someone keep forgetting what to say. TSKS.


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, in the end i never do whatever i wanna do but nevermind. sleeping is fun, cos currently i'm on a verge of having sorethroat like zomg -.-
我很少说到做不到, so watch it : D

I CANNOT BELIEVE WE CANNOT CHEER DURING SPORTS DAY WHAT CRAP IS THIS MANNN I DUN CARE LAH WTHHHH.


reputation?
maybe one word explains everything.
was thinking and thinking and thinking.
still thinking.


32 days, to that day.
i don't wanna leave with this regret.
maybe we were wrong right from the start.


it's just how funny life is.
shocking, devastating things come and go,
most unexpectedly.
yet we know there's a reason behind this,
and yet we don't know what's the reason.
soon enough.

ever felt like, everything's THAT tangible?
(it's not as if i first knew it today)
still, there's this indescribable feeling.
i've been reflecting on my life more often, like even during assembly i can conclude a whole load of things.
is that good or is that bad?
i don't know.

sometimes the more you try to screw things right,
the worse they get.
i've never said that i'm not scared, that's because i am.
and things the way it is now is definitely not helping.

crashing? no. my superhero will fly out and save me.
(IN MY DREAMS)

we've gotta stay strong girl?


was it the "we-thought-you'd-understand" or was it "you-guys-shldnt-have-thought-you-know-EVERYTHING" or was it "no-friendship-,nothing"

going for chem remedial tomorrow AGAIN : D
at least it's much more productive than some other events taking place.
AT LEAST ms chng's funny!
chem test today was okay, but considering the amount of mcqs i tried, its not okay >.<
BUT NEVERMIND, TRY HARDER, AND AIM FOR CLOSE TO PERFECTION (since no one's perfect, close to perfect would be good enough)

and because i just love singing with charis : D HAHAHA. today was what major suaning szewaiy with the out of tune FOREVER LOVE SONG!
with singyee singing TUI HOU behind wasn't anymuch better because she only sings ONE LINE -.-
"wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo"

faints.

PHYSICS WAS FUN. tried this i don't know what it is called flying top thing and its so totally cool! youye ALMOST got it in the air but cannot >.< DAMN SAD LAH, imagine it actually flies and like WTH mini ufo :\

JOANNE CHUA IS JUST SOOO SPASTIC FOR I DUNNO WHAT REASON.
i bet quincy just finished studying at library.

by the way, yesterday me and eunice had this funny communication and WTH its seriously funny.

this is called hua zhong you hua.


i can only silently pray for you, that you'll be happier?


everyone's so sleepy today. ah well.
YAY short day tomorrow [:
WE'RE GONNA HAVE P.E! HAH. HOPEFULLY ITS BADMINTON.

sheesh, i guess i need to put in even more effort.
nothing's gonna bring me DOWN,
ONE WAY, UP.

it turns out to be that i have never stopped caring at all. it seriously kind of hurt like shit.
and the best thing is, i don't know what can i do. or rather what should i do.
I REALLY DUNNO.
im sick and tired of those words, because you know it, it has been and WILL always be.
the second time i say i feel like i don't know you at all.

anyway, i spent 30min calculating TIME ytd, yeah mrs lim says time is important.
and in the end i wasted 2 hours procrastinating on msn, thanks quincy <3

because i ain't wanna fall,
so there's no need for anyone to break my fall,
because i'm gonna stay strong,
living life the way i want to.

inspire,

我真的不知道！

charis is FUNKY.
i love singing with her. HAHAHA, what, next time go join fei chang superband?! LOL LOL LOLLL!
bio was funny. phenotype and genotype.
example: singyee's genotype is evil, but her phenotype is kind.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
omg bio is fun man!! : D



AHHHHHHH.
6 weeks.
4 weeks.
2 weeks.
1 week :\
wonder if anyone knows what im talking about.

LINK!

ELY'S DP IS SOOO ARTISTIC MAN! AND EMOOO. MOMOMO THE MONSTER.

jiayou to chewy :D

sch was okay today. haha. charis is totally crazy over luo zhi xiang "lend me see for one day you can see for one night"
GOSH.

HUAYANG LATER!


i don't like to watch charity shows.
they make me feel very sad. :\
like okay why are we fortunate here and why others are not?
life is not fair i know, but, i dunno lah >.<

it made me more determined to go do voluntary work during nov-dec.
we'll see how, but i really wanna do.
do you actually think we'll get another chance, jc will be busy, after A's will be like looking for uni? u think after uni will do meh -.- u think when you working you will meh.

AHHHH.

okay.

tuition was totally spastic. HAHAHA. collin tang is jealous that people say chris cute! TSKS. and i whacked cy upside down but i don't care.
miracle story.
miracles don't happen, they're made up by HUMANS.

i suddenly miss first aid dept alot.


in life we all made choices, big or small, good or bad.
but what differentiates choices from choices is the impact they have on us is beneficial or not.

we all learn from mistakes.
choices mould us into what we all are today.
humans, we all learn.
i seriously ponder how life will be like, say, merely 10 months down the road.
would it have been a good one, because of choices I've made now?

shrugs. wooooo bu zhi daoo so yeah, stop thinking! haha.

i had a DAMN funny dream, related to char ng jing wen. and bella.
i dreamt of the arcade!!! and we're playing some 1 buck tom tom machine and i got 5 toys! the first one due to it being caught by the clippers, subsequently i reached it with my bare hands! HAHAHAHA. crap. and i saw a dozen million people inside. then it was 3am or sth then some of us got caught by police :\ LOL.

watch her, because it ain't so simple.

what does it mean when you choose to walk away silently?


cheryllwin totally amused me ytd night on msn! haha.
WHATS THE WORLD COMING TO.
>.<

went "STUDYING" with bella and char. sophia says its a smart choice! cos in the end leo and sk also never study. MUAHAHAHA. im so smart! YAY. haha. now i owe charmainengjingwen 40bucks. zz. we were cranky in subway, started having video calls since both their phones are 3G. LOL. free what! imagine 10yrs down the road and everyone else have video calls its gonna be SO SPASTIC, then what go look into the mirror before answering the call and by then the other party hangs the call up.

WOOHOO! subway, eat fresh!




IM VIEWING CHARMAINE. HAHA.


by now you'd think we're totally spastic. LOL.

then went arcade! the new one in j8. a little green monkey caught our eye at the entrance, char calls it "the boyfriend buy for girlfriend one" hHAHAHA! whoever who wants to zui charmaine buy her the soft toy can alr! easily contented >.< LOL!

and we played the bball machine thingyyy. 2 times! HAHAHA.
okay must admit we're lousy, only around 10 shots per try when the ppl beside us has 100++++ shots :\ and the high score is some 300-400+.
OKAY FINE.
we're girls what. HAHAHHA.
and someone went "OMG SO COOL" and the person turned back.
poor bella has to wear jacket cos she is wearing the ldrs tee. :D

and i bought my new wallet! yay : D
told my mum its 10 bucks, then she din believe so she went

"wah so cheap? buy one for me, and i'll give it to your dad"
"er not suitable for him lah! so young"
"nvm u just buy can give other ppl also since 10 bucks only"

>.<

woke up at 12+ today. HAHA, just felt like sleeping.
man, holidays are over, back to reality.

it's really funny, when four years are gonna be over just like that.
any idea how to capture the word forever?
when you say goodbye, all the memories will last, forever.


i'm bored!


elyssa is damn angmoh! no hope already.
even her computer refuses to let her install chinese in her comp -.-
damn good lah.

anyway, choir camp was rather okay. at least we got to sing all the hua yang songs so loud and stuff, over so many times, and walking out to pp macs for macs and tau huey! : D
maybe a repeat won't be played anymore.
and we were like photowhoring (again) lah! HAHAHA. look at eileen's friendster man, the stickouttongue with steffi, jiao huai my buddy! HAHAHA.

capt's ball was fun, all you think about is the sponge/ball, nothing else.
hahaha sing and jamie must be having their gz camp now! till 5pm ):

who knows what happens, right.

stop telling me that ruiwen isn't supposed to be blah blah blah.
people change.
maybe one day you won't even see me laughing anymore.
i'm all sick and tired.

when inputs don't match the outputs, what will you do?
it's not as if i'm not even trying, hard.

at the very least,

脸上的微笑
不是幸福代表

6? yeah babehh. :D IM SO GONNA GET IT,



Okay, so I've screwed it upside down.
Practicals were NEVER my forte to start with.
My initial plans of going down to bishan library to mug were burst, 'cause I'm just too lazy.
Nothing was great except during the first sectionals bonding and while we're singing our lungs out, not for syf songs but for hana kimi songs!

Tsks! Me and Yunmin officially concluded that joining choir destroyed our voices for pop songs, totally. >.<

Crap okay I typed out a whole lot of things and it got deleted.

I kind of thought through about my "future" in that sense. Thanks to the person-who-started-talking-to-me-about-rjc-last-night.

Sng ever said before, he hoped that we'd get a1s not because he want those a1s, but because he know our best isn't just b3s/a2s.

This is only just the beginning.

Haha, sometimes I think life is so funny.
You go through so much to come to one realization, important one though.
It's more about not letting myself down, than not letting others down now.

Today is the day I've set my mind to things :\ Many things.
It seems as if thinking more, makes you grow up faster.
Hopefully the tough times pull through, and choir will get A gold/gold(hons). ! (: JIAYOU EVERYONE!

It NEVER occurred to me what life would be like without singing.
I sing half the time, and talk the other half of the time.
So singing can be equated to being something, to convey my feelings and thoughts.
Yet it's every time when I lose my voice that I realise how important it is to me.
Maybe some people or rather majority of the people just think that, "oh choir slack lah, sit in air-con room", then again, it's even more tough.
At least if you're from sports or something you get to move your body so you are concentrating.
For choristers it's kind of difficult to put in all your focus, stand for some 3 hours and sing.

Someone ever told me that it's a great thing to be singing.
You're using NOTHING, but your own very body to project every emotion/notes out.
To impact others using your voices.
And let them feel the way you do.

Perhaps one day I will give that up.
But for now, at least for 3 years down the road, I wouldn't. And it's a promise made to myself.

At least, yeah.

The best way you can treat yourself, is to not let yourself down.

This time, I will make it. Because I want to, because I believe that alot of people believe and care for me right? LOL >.<

This feels like a terribly sick post but it's really what I've thought through from ytd midnight till today. (This is what you do when you're oh-so-bored.)

Lord will give me the strength to carry on!


eileen! see, the second time i say i love youuuu! :D BE HONOURED OKAY. i rarely show my love!

and look, it's choir camp tomorrow.
and it means a hell lot of things because:
1. no mood
2. we're all stone about it
3. it caused me to be unable to go cycling with quincy and joanne they all
4. i'd rather study

went to watch titoudao today, right, with the entire cohort.
hahaha we all were like photowhoring and stuff and jamie only wants her picture with yinxue -.-
my phone is failing me now! the cable just doesn't connect lah.
ARGHHH.
i think we at least took 60 photos which got subsequently deleted due to its unglamness/ugliness because my photo shot number grew till near 700 overnight :\
HAHAHAHA.

and i realised i don't know dialect (specifically hokkien) AT ALL. cannot even understand basic terms lah! need tuition already.

anyway, i'm sorry for whatever i've said yesterday/this morning. i was hoping at least you could reply something, anything, but you didn't. i don't know what i should say, maybe i shouldn't have taken it out on you.


yeah i changed blog.
don't ask me for the reason why, i just feel like it.
it'll be only known to closer friends i guess? DO NOT link me.

chemistry lessons in 9 hours time! and i'm not sleeping. haha.
kara isn't replying me! ):

anyway, it seems as if time really passes fast. so fast that we cannot capture all the moments in our lives.
everyone miss the good ol' days, yeah.
i hope eileen is feeling much better now! love you dearie : D

hopefully i can do well for SPA 2 since i screwed SPA 1 upside down.


familiar strangers;


I don't understand why people have such a great fetish for dark chocolate.
Strawberry is always nicer, unlike having the stand the excruciating bitterness in your mouth which lasts for quite some time.

I start to think that I go cranky everyday! For some unknown reasons, but then again isn't it good to have some form of "highness" and ZEST<3 in your life?

(:

Choir camp's coming, which isn't a good thing. Other than the fact that anette is my group's assistant leader, nothing is worth rejoicing for. On top of it, we have such awkward group names. E.g. ABBA, Destiny's Child, and more to come.
So I told whoever I told, I'm gonna go "CAN YOU KEEP UP! BABY BOY, MAKE ME LOSE MY BREATHE" throughout the camp, which is total nonsense as you can see.

THIS IS SO ANNOYING.

Enya, Only time

who can say where the road goes
where the day flows, only time

and who can say if your love grows
as your heart shows, only time

who can say why your heart sighs
as your love flies, only time

and who can say why your heart cries
when your love lies, only time

who can say when the roads meet
that they might beat, in your heart

and who can say when the day sleeps
if the night keeps, all your heart

night keeps, all your heart

who can say if your love grows
as your heart shows, only time

and who can say where the road goes
where the day flows, only time

who knows, only time..
who knows, only time..

I didn't understand the song initially, but after a while I did.
There's too much uncertainty the lies within this world. Sometimes, you get tired.

Then it comes to a point when you get TOO tired, and who knows what may come in your way.

push.
what you've taught me.


AHHHHHHHHH OKAY DAMN IT I WANT THAT THAT NOTE BOOK!
omg i din't know azone had such notebooks okay. DO YOU EVEN SEE IT IN THE BOOKSTORES AND STUFF ETC ETC? NO!!!!


omg i should really buy it then copy all my notes inside then it'll be so cool.

OMG OMG OMG. hahaha.

CRAP!

anyway what im supposed to wake up at 9, but i procrastinated till like 11. so im dead. 2 hours behind schedule! :\

GRRRRRR. i want that notebook. ):

ANYWAY! AHHHHHHHH.

okay i sound totally crazy here but i don't care much.

i concluded that my inference skills sucks.


AHHH.
damn im gonna go crazy.

i CANNOT , bELIEVE, that IIIIII got 1 out of 7 questions i attempted for emath hol homework, CORRECT.

yeah me.

DAMNNNNN.

omg at this rate, im gonna turn INSANE.

what's with this man omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgmogomgmg.
i hate math!





AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. boo poo blah bleah tooty.

crap.
okay.
chill.


because.


flagraising today was, funny, pissing, and weird.

ANYWAY, hahaha the children who "tom" in the coins all damn cute lahh!!
sophia when you wanna sheng baby? (: HAHAHAHA.

and i finally bought sing's bday present materials! and it left my wallet with a big hoooole.

zzz. and when i thought i was gonna be SUPER early for youth ablaze, i was almost late. so i took taxi down from kovan :\ waited so long lah. freak me out! and when i opened the door (so harshly as usual) it hit against the metal pole. and the taxi driver was like giving the "zzzz" look.

but i reached safely! lucky ah, i thought he will hate me for damaging the door or sth then drive me to ulu places and rob me.

Word of God.

i'll do what i promised myself! : D

during the sermon, something about can you imagine what's of you 5 years from now. guess what, i immediately turned to sophia and say, cannot, but in 1 year's time i can, HWACHONG! : D

LOL.

anyway cell discussion was relatively funny, revealing sheena's past (LOL) and leonard's new gay partner and suaning yiming about his fats!
yay and gave the long long time ago vday presents, like so long from vday lah. HAHAHA.

huayang rocks : D

then me and charmaine were singing until so high. HAHAHAHAA. she's probably the only one who will tolerate me singing so high cos she also reach until so high. LOL LOL LOL.
zen me ban ? :|

-

from friends to acquaintances.




all's left.

how can i even cook up the smile?


AHHHH. last day of school.
to think i was so looking forward to today, but actually it's really nothing.

overrated.

mid year's in some 7 weeks? :\
okay, im supposed to be freaked by it but apparently life goes on the same.

chem remedial is actually QUITE, or rather VERY effective! (:

i was listening to hillsongs last night. then suddenly i fell asleep lah while having earplugs in my ears. then i somehow wake up in the middle of the night and found it still playing and i could not figure out which song it is so i switched it off, and threw my nano on the floor -.-

yayyyyyy I WANNA BUY WALLET AND PENCILCASE! HAHAHA.

yucks okay i will post the amath file content page real soon!





all that i need to know;



alive.

maybe i really shouldn't care anymore.
what keeps me alive,

's not you.
but knowing you're alive too.



yeah ely, turn mugger! : D HAHAHAHA. im gonna start reading classics and i mean it. maybe one day i can blog in shakespear language i would probably be laughing at myself.

because this isn't my best.

it's still far from here.

knowing,
is enough already.

i <3 chem remedial! HHAHAAHA. and i still don't understand ETHENES due to the lesson missed but oh well, i will figure it out somehow! : D

i shall finish all my hol hmwk by monday 0000!

a thousand million things that can wait,
but this can't.

CHURCH ON SAT! : D
yayyyyye! i will be EARLY this time round.
feel the jest in you!

i'm running after you!



i can't wait for tomorrow lah.

cos it marks the start of holidays.
and we're doing flag day on saturday! HAHAHA come down and support us man! i think we'll be doing around orchard area? yeah. then can go eat and shop after that! HAHAHA. (:

the more alright i am, the more not alright i am.


too much happened.

maybe too much for me to take.

the feeling came back today, felt, real good.
sometimes expectations kill.
but maybe everything's gonna end,
but we'll just keep holding on, yeah?

i've got the recording of us singing it in my phone.
sounds real nice.

everything we've done.

it ain't easy.
life's never easy.
it feels so weird now,
throwing our faces?

don't bear to think.

i love everyone lahhh! : D

-

life's back to school, school, work, and more work.
and more studying.

i call them misconceptions.
how many people truly understand me man?

it felt really, good, the way, like back to the past.
but you probably wouldn't care until something big happens, then you'll talk.
other than that,
we're just planted deep down in each other's arteries.

sometimes you yourself don't know how much you mean to someone.

normal humans don't speak what they think.

maybe i'm one of the abnormal ones.
not even wary/afraid of people knowing me inside out.
but it's also this way when you get hurt, most.

its when you have a thousand million question about life,
that even a simple cup of tea could generate thousand million thoughts.

reflected in your dreams.

im thinking alot about my future.
really.
it's scary how fast things passes.
2 years ago, and 2 years after.

i've decided to let go of everything, literally.
cos i see no more point anymore.
(:

you know, camps are good.
cos you can talk about anything in the world.
and have no worries at all.
but when everything returns back to NORMAL,
it feels weird.

解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦
想
像结局一样
又何苦再想