girl next door is it so hard to find someone who loves me for me?

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

i'm online to see if there's any new attractions in singapore, all for geog elective tomorrow :D
WHEEE.

anyway, i think it's amazing how God actually has reasons for whatever that happened. it's even more amazing when you only find out the reasons behind some happenings after a long time, cause sometimes and most of the times you don't even find out.

okay, i died in chem because of some stupid questions. but it's okay, i'll have a comeback by getting 39/40 for my paper one. yesssss, i will !!!
wasn't exactly pleased with amath because it's easier compared to the previous years paper, that's what i feel, yeah.
which is bad, cause it means a1 will be even higher than 80, which is what singyee's tuition teacher said is normally the a1 benchmark for o's.

okay, i shall not throw face and shall start reading my beloved uniquely singapore webbie! :D
my beloved, for now.

oh, btw, i think IP people are scary now, doing chinese everyday! turning into cheena men and women! HAHAHA.
how i love chinese tuitions.


yay class chalet? HAHA!

anyway, just heck lah. it's the best advice ever given by me. hahaha. the more you care, the worse it becomes.
just down let yourself down.
somehow, i'm so 兴奋 about o's :D
if this is my limit, then it's good to know that i have a higher limit.
though i'm not very excited about waiting for o's to end, i just want it to start. WAHAHA.
somehow it doesn't feel like 4 years has past, so yay for the start of o's. :D

call this a brand new beginning;


what perfect strangers;

i think i'm crazy. okay yes i am. HAHAHA. but it's okay, just let me be crazy for another one month plus plus and i'll be normal and saintly again! :D my mind just loves to generate repeated images. okay concluded i'm crazy. forget it. this's a classic example of WU YAO KE JIU.

talking about church camp, 1dec to 3rd? :D:D:D i seriously hope i can make it, my mum's thinking of going CHINA again, gosh, just slap me. if she does, it'd be my fourth time there in 10 years. do you see a need for me to bang the wall now? HAHA.

just wondering, people do change because of exams. i swear on that. perhaps even me. but hey, i really don't know why. then again, isn't selfishness part and parcel of life? (oh yes i'm referring to some people) i don't know. grah, hope it will all pass quickly. but i'd really really want an a1 for higher chi, despite ms wee and lin lao shi's repeated comments on how difficult and tough it is. sheesh, but to at least qualify to CS(C) please? >.<

soon, it'd be many 4 hours of intensive chi lessons, and of course physics tomorrow after not going for today and here i am blogging, and i'm thinking of going church during the one week of "break", in preparations of mcqs :D wish me luck. HAHAHA. this o's isn't what i imagined it to be. i'm still watching tv and blogging and okay, slap me. i'm so gonna finish writing from memory for all my beloved ss texts :D WHEEE.

6, is going to be my favourite number from now. and perhaps 9/1 too :D


quick update!

the most important words currently: whatever it takes.
i think going to hc open house makes me have alot of motivation to excel in o's! so i guess it's a good thing afterall. HAHA. i wanna eat venezia icecream! ):

the bai se ju ta show is finally over. can't help but to wonder, what's really love and compassion. anyway i think interact clubs are wayyyyy so cool!

okay, back to reality. it's really not the end.

it's really not the end, not even the start! HAHA.

do roses lie?


so, till then! (:

meanwhile, i'll miss you you you you and many yous! okay, i miss everyone lah. :D
time to give it a last shot and then i'll be flying hopefully and then church camp and then receiving posting of jc and then xmas and then orientation.
okay, i think too far. -.-

can't take my eyes off,


it's nice to end graduation by singing, especially if it's something that is so close to your heart. of course, endless camwhoring. perhaps the next time would be when we all return to the new cedar campsite, and perhaps after the the homecoming, someday. not to forget our shrek ears, and many of our subject teachers, just that ms chng had to go home so early. and thank the people for the presents! i'll only start on them after o's, which seems so near yet so far.

if you realised, everything come and go so quickly. like charis said, it feels like a dream somehow. but no, it's reality, it happened, though not the way that we had rehearsed. ex-cedarians? no, "once a cedarian, always a cedarian". i guess cedar has impacted us all in one way or another. yes, there may be times when we hate the school so much we feel like just going to a new school and moving on, but happiness > sadness, for me at the very least.

to think there won't be anymore school songs anymore.
-

hwachong open house today. my bag was so heavy i'm sure i was going to die soon if i stayed anymore longer. saw the choir performed which was good for an outdoor performance, wrote my name at the choir booth (haha), walked round the school to look at the labs, classrooms, library, finally decided to go for BCME (and hc's bio is like so power! nine out of ten get A's for their A's, how good is that?) and i think economics is cool. and our "FRIENDLY" tourguide is cool and funny too! like gosh, china studies in chinese and bicultural studies! :\ can never dream of that. but it does seems like i don't have a choice really. while we were leaving, heard their faculty cheer, which sounds so much like cedar kemama (okay it's the same) except for the low voices and their fac dance which is like so nice please! and hearing people talking about MAF and the explaining the greek gods fac names makes me wanna laugh.

have been doing some thinking recently about not-taking-chinese-anymore-in-jc, actually, the greatest regret i've had so far is that i've never gotten to study what i want, which is history lah. and history is going to repeat itself, ironically, because i don't think i'd be able or even qualify to take CS(C). and i really admire those that can stay rooted to their mother tongue as they grow up, look around ourselves, there'll only be less and less people taking chinese as the years goes by, or perhaps would the economic boom of china even help? then again, it's not because they want to, but because it's a way of surviving in soecity. but can i say i love my cousin again! :D
the funny part is that no one believed that we're cousins. HAHAHA. everyone looked so shock lah! sheesh.

saw cheryl, japheth (now who likes hwachong alr huh? :D), shengkun, shijun (i didn't say hi), yaohui (who looks as if he don't even know me -.-), and yeah the ex-oals - ldr evelyn, shermaine, jessica, shuhwee, sining (HAHA JIANI!!) and jiayan was there too! but didn't see her and my "brother" HAHA. heard she got 8 points for prelims like zomg how cool is it if our whole cell is in hwachong! and jamie and charis left for aj halfway. cheryl's dad fetched us to serangoon mrt. actually it's quite near if you drive, not so near if you don't. okay fei hua. HAHA.

but i agreed on the part about rj gp's being better than hc. i don't really think 1.5 years will make a GREAT difference, since language is like primarily built on your foundation since young. so there's almost no reason not to go hc. which also means that i got to work really really hard for the upcoming most crucial week, and stay calm and peaceful like a hibernating boar.

no place like home.

i just like looking at you from afar.


so change the way we end it.

did i mention that i love long long hugs?
hugs, from the heart.
hugs, with love.

and i have such a hilarious testimonial which will get me into some kind of trouble in jc! LOL.


也许，沉默是最好的告白。
但有的时候，沉默也是最痛苦的告白。

我不晓得（今天）的情形会是怎么样，不想去想，但又不能阻止自己去想。越想越多，愁，也越多。或许还参杂一些喜、怒、哀（爱）、乐吧。

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you


come what come may

i love qixuan for talking to me on the first day of school.
i love charmaine for always being funny and nice to suan (which works vice versa) and for being in part of my life still.
i love eileen for being there for me whenever i'm sad and emo and for studying with me at bishan since god knows when and for always being eileen.
i love yunmin for always being encouraging and cheerful.
i love weekie for being my table partner for so long and going home partner for near 2 years.
i love yirong for always being funny and making us laugh and for giving me such a funny sweet16 birthday present.
i love singyee for always being nice to talk to and for not going vj ip with me (haha! see now you can go hc!)
i love wanping for being so caring and decisive and encouraging in choir and for being my beloved sop1 mate.
i love eunice for being cherissa's buddy = my buddy and for always having fun bullying cherissa and talking crap during choir.
i love sophia because we unknowingly knocked into each others' lives and became such good friends ever since, and for bringing me to church.
i love lynette for always doing diao-ed things to inject life into choir.
i love elizabeth for being my SL and for always correcting my mistakes in singing and making it more prefect each time.
i love denyse for the wonderful time in choralfeste and for being such a nice P and for loving mrs wilson! (haha)
i love my matongggg for the bed jumping in shandong and for the nice hugs in school, even if we don't talk often.
i love sharron because of the wo ai ni song.
i love jessica arnanta tjung and adlin and miang for being in indigo05, "indigo indigo indigo rocks!" :D and for giving me a new part of my life in cedar.
i love jamie for being such a pig (in the good way) and always knocking sense into me for whatever she says.
i love charis for just being her and to think of it, we know each other since sec1 already (cos i've got your blog link since sec1!!).
i love liukun for her crankiness and for always being so lame enough to make all of us laugh.
i love jiani for being so nice to poke even if she loves to splash water on us.
i love pinnxian for being my table partner since start of the year and for deep conversations.
i love sara for always being so blur and always cheering me up.
i love sarah for her frankness, her encouragements, her "bian tai ness".
i love jasmine even though she likes to suan me alot (HAHA!) and for her wonderful brownies.
i love julynn for being ducky since sec1 and for always doing funny actions in class to inject laughter in classrooms.
i love chewy cos she always pouts at me (!) and for sitting with me on first day of school in sec3.
i love joanne for her pinkness (lol) and for being such a funny character in class.
i love quincy for the times we went home together and all the talks.
i love anabella for being such a nice 2nd i/c and for the times in camps, going homes, and all the things we did together.
i love yuyuan for being such a nice 1st i/c and for all the times we went through in camps, difficult times esp, during the food poisoning thing, and for believing in me.
i love yusin for being such a nice chief and nice shandong playmate and for the recent morning assembly chats.
i love elyssa for being such a nice mummy and her stomach which has labels in camp.
i love weiting for the many study dates back then even though we have drifted since and for helping me through my difficult times.
i love huiyi for being my classmate for 8 years, schoolmates for 10 years and always being there.
i love the oals :D
i love 4m :D (many many!)
i love choir and soprano1 :D
i love our devoted and dedicated teachers :D
i love cedar :D


as we bid farewell, god knows when these amazing things will happen again.
one thing is for sure, even when love's gone and forgotten, there was still love, deep down in the hearts.


HAHAHA. in the end i proved myself to be fickle minded again and went to rjc open house! >.< but was fun anyway, concluded that rj has got nice facilities! why do they pay 300bucks a month for school fees anyway?(: HAHA. the library is the coolest like gosh, look at those dvds and the befriender went like "our tchrs go shopping every week to buy new titles" and "we subscribe to 80 over magazines, you name it and we probably have it" and they have this movie room and nice sofas for you to sleep through lectures. LOL! and it's 3 storeys high. as compared to the tiny winy cedar library... :\

but char didn't get to see HER TYPE OF DANCE performance and i didn't catch the choir performance but managed to hear geof sing ONE LINE and i concluded that he can sing and i can't. LOL. and saw val and christopher at the choir booth which was kind of funny. to think he and the funny vp told me val went off and suddenly val appeared T.T and japheth with his untucked shirt and cy and his whole class of cats (now who said "go open house for what?" HAHA) in the end we realised quite alot of cedarians pon physics to go to rj open house! LOL. and this is how i wasted my whole afternoon. when i'm supposed to be studying chem and phy and all but nevermind. rj actually made me for determined to go hcjc :D and no amount of words can move me now, 'cause hc is love :D

well, before that i was actually complaining about how unfair moderation is. i reckoned that some teachers would agree that it's totally unfair. what about people coming from 9 points to 6, 11 points to 8 and they won't even save those who "already can go to top 5 jc" people. moreover, they selectively choose students to moderate on. like, what the hell? i'm sorry but even if i'm not in any position to complain, i just have to. all to meet the percentages of distinctions and to push us into top5 jcs. what for? isn't it worse if you don't have the cut and have to be kicked out by those jcs in the end. moderation to me, has totally lost its purpose for good.

okay i feel kind of bad for not going for vj's open house today, hopefully cherissa won't kill me! HAHA.

anyway, bless me that my dream won't come true. i actually dreamt that i got C6 for english and C5 for physics and A2 for ss/geog for the O levels. what the... HAHA. or at least, i'd make sure they'll never become reality.

actually, i kind of feel weird if i don't study now. they said something about coming back to cedar to help out with our ccas, was thinking, sometimes, you wanna help but can't help. cos it's really up to them. i don't know ): but i really hope that they'd strive for the GWH the next round of syf, for them, for ms chye, for us.

ulterior motives.
but this time round, i won't give in.



actually, i'd be happy enough to get 7points(-4) for o's, and had never thought about getting the same cranky results for prelims. yet they had to put it in such a way that what if, we can all work harder (yeah 4m can jump from 8.6 to i dunno! HAHA. 7++??) and what if, we actually bored to push ourselves the the limits (in a good way) and optimise what we can do. so i've concluded that i'd give it a try for both my languages and give a hard try for physics! LOL. but i think mr tay's right about the can and want part.

anyway, tourism is getting so boring i'm actually falling asleep writing.

and actually, i'm not even feeling sad (yet) about graduation. maybe things do move on, somehow.

haha, we played like 3-4 badminton today which was totally ridiculous and crazy and sara's forever dodging the BALLS. T.T HAHA.

and yay ate the last bowl of kuaychap in cedar! LOL. i wonder how many "lasts" will we experience in the remaining errrr 70 years of our lives?! LOL.

and i'm really not going for rj's open house. sad life. nevermind.


i've concluded that o's is actually more of a test of tolerance, perseverance, and personal attitude, more than a test of one's ability or intelligence. very often, Luck is needed too. but i'm not exactly the type who believes in luck, more of believing in the preparations since long long time ago. then again, i got reminded about the negative impacts of being too over confident, so, o's is also a test of one's humility, how you're able to keep learning, even right until the second when you finish your paper and hand it up, and never be tired of learning more new things, 'cause life's made in such a way that every little thing is a learning point for everyone in fact. and perhaps, even at the end of the day when the output doesn't meet the demand, i hope i'd be able to say "so what?", because i want to know that i've already put in all that i could. those that i couldn't put in, were because of limitations to intelligence and writing speed T.T

sometimes, i kind of wonder what will happen o's. will some friends just suddenly stop talking, or will one continue to explore even more personalities (HAHA!) and i've decided that human relationships are just so, so weird. but eventually, friends, will always be friends.

and perhaps many may say that "it's only three weeks away". but trust me on that, three weeks can work wonders with effort. at least i strongly believe in that.

so God bless to those with upcoming EOYS/O's, even if it's just one paper, and those with many many papers like us! (:

Love.

When you're mad, always so mad, so mad.