girl next door is it so hard to find someone who loves me for me?

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Friday, November 30, 2007

HUIYI, FASTER COME BACK HOME! COS IM ASSUMING YOU AREN'T. I WANNA SWIM IN CHALETS! :D i suddenly have the urge to swim! HAHAHA. okay, i'm mad. yeah, bored to death at home. nevermind, i shall buy xmas cards soon and write them! and send to deariest first. HAHAHAHA, since she's going overseas and not coming back till what, new year? ): so, addresses please!

YAY FINALLY, i want to get fat now. but i realised that everytime i gain weight, the fats goes to my face. which is erm, BAD.

anyway, i have at least 300 bucks from the edusave scholarship, if i'm lucky i'll get 500 this year, SOOOOO, i no need to work! HAHAHAHA.

sophia's coming back, kaiyin's coming back, collin's coming back.

anyway, i'm thrilled over the cedar choir alumni thingy, like FINALLY. sheesh. yay, our good idea! concert at esplanade next year i hope! thank god the school didn't try to cut down budget but even if they did who cares, musical ftw! :D


was kind of shocked when shihuan showed me the "proposal" for 6A's gathering, HAHAHA, how amusing. it falls on 13th dec, which is the same as choir bbq. then again, no sec4s (or rather very lil) of the sec4s are going, so, uhhh, i have no idea?! the fact (alright, it's a fact so let's accept it) that mr mok became HOD was like woah, like that also can. forgot to ask which department though. haha. actually i'm quite looking forward to it?

next up, class chalet! i want prawns. HAHAHA, butter prawns!

still thinking if i should cut my hair short.

anyway, it's shocking how things changes. even more so when sometimes you realised actually you don't quite understand people around you at all when you thought you do. then again, who actually understands each other. right, humans change, everyone does, all the 是是非非 is forever changing. okay, still, alot of things are assumptions, which we shouldn't be doing.

bleah, i realised that trips will make you reflect on alot of stuffs in your life. backpacking is cool, but i think its kind of scary 'cause sometimes you won't even understand their language, roads and everything and you gotta navigate yourself around. trips with tour groups are way cool! everything's like planned and organised in an coordinated way, unlike such uncertainties.

remembered lk saying that she shall earn her first million when she's 30 and then travel around the world. HAHA. at first i was telling her it's kind of like giving up everything she has, her career and everything. changed my mind about it. i think i might be able to do the same to see the world. yeah shall find somebody to go with me. anyone interested? just that my skin will suffer but okay nevermind. HAHA.

yup, then i'd be able to take thousand million pictures! :D

i really admire people who 拿得下,放的起. how many people would be able to do that really.

I LOOK FORWARD TO CHURCH CAMP! :D

YAYYY, badminton at eileen's next mon, whoooooosh :D with the bro. HAHAHA, which is damn small but damn pro.

then again, dreams will always be dreams. how many people actually realise their dreams? not many. quite few. maybe only some. i'm starting to wonder if HC is the right place to go. sometimes i really envy people who can do what they really want to do. maybe i'm just not fortunate enough. hurhur.


yay, i'm back! nothing beats singapore's weather. HAHA, julynn's gonna contradict me on that since she loves hk weather so much.

pictures soon.

i think i gained 1.5kg. i'm 45kg now. HAHA!


BUHBYE! :D

p.s. sharrr, i will play SS with you soon! HAHA.


sheesh, think i'm emo-ing again. somehow i think that most parts of my life so far, i've screwed it up myself.

yeah, all by myself.

if it wasn't for my stupid personality, selfishness, everything, maybe somethings would have been better, or at least not the way they are now.

I DON'T KNOW.

perhaps it's good to leave for once.



without yuyuan! ): with chief dept behind. HAHA.



this is love. yesterday felt like, 2 years ago. our first LTC, seeing our love for indigo and all, our alliance with echo, all the striving to become an instructor. all the billybunjas (how you spell?!) and campfire songs, everything. just being there feels so great. it kind of felt like our campfire. with the nicest scenery of all campsites (why can't church camp be there!), the beautiful sunsets, the full moon, the kayaks which were soooo tempting.
say goodbye, oals07. I WANT THE SUNSET PIC WHICH SHE TOOK! ): it's pretty.
anyway, when the campfire ended, yusin sharr me kelly weishan and bella went to macs to eat. refer to sharr's blog to find out more, about HER taxi driver! HAHA. i couldn't recognise the houses in the dark at all. bathed at like 12+. sheesh!


who knows what happens at the end of the day?

my eyes are completely insane (i think my degrees rose by 100 in 2 hours) and i'm finally at the middle of this book that i bought the other day at kino, where rainbows end by cecelia ahern. it's simply gorgeous man! other than the heart wrenches in 45years and all, couldn't help but to flip to the last page to read the ending. HAHA. i still can't find my p.s. i love you. ):

anyway, heeded my mum's advice and woke up at around 3 PM :D yes, IN THE AFTERNOON. since i have got nothing better to do anyway. can't go shopping since i'd probably end up seeing the SAME things cheaper by 5times in hongkong. can't go out late since there's campfire<3 tomorrow. I HAVE NO MONEY ANYWAY. and i can't take up a job lah, since my timings are so, weird.

see, time actually passes REAL fast. i'm excited (it's the only word i can think of, yes, limited vocabulary. since i only read useless junk rubbish books which talks about love, more love, or any kind of love. NYEH >.<) that we would be able to know our o's results soon.

this sat-thurs(29th) would be hongkong.
2nd-3rd would be class chalet, correct me if i'm wrong.
7th-9th would be church camp @ labrador. arghhh, kill me, i think i will be emo when i see the place, again.
13th would be the day we know our posting in the first 3 months.
25th would be xmas.
1 Jan 2008 would soon arrive.

see, before we all know it, some things may take a change afterall. i bet mengqiao they all are enjoying their time back in china. :D

ANYWAY, facebook isn't that fun, it's just friendster with more lame stuffs. just that i'm quite shocked to see soooo many of cedar teachers on facebook! it's real funny. HAHA.


so take the chance.


okay, i'm gonna whine as usual!!! MY PRINTER FAILED ME, just when i had to print the PAE stuff for further reference. thanks printer -.- had to sms chewy to ask how she printed hers, 'cause i printed 5 times and failed, change two NEW cartridges (damn, waste my $), and realised my printer is spoilt.

anyway, kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkbox today ;D lunch@kbox sucked though. except for the cream puff. and we got free extension for 45min! yay, i love high parts :D freaking cold though, should have brought CEDAR JACKET!!!!! my all time favourite. so big and nice :D

can't wait for first day of school. it feels weird. really weird. especially if... =X okay, nevermind. argh. i'm having faint spells after seeing

ruiwen! says:
so what u put as 1st choice?

You have just sent a nudge.

sweetjj@singnet.com.sg says:
VJ

still recovering from shock. i hate this lah. SHALL SLEEP. and i've got piano lesson tomorrow (first in 3 months) wheee. DIE. i forgot how to play piano with both hands. BTW, i want the si shou lian tan from sheeeena):

i think i'd spend zzzzzzzzzzzzzlots of money in hongkong!

P or B?

i want to watch gong zhu xiao mei on TEEVEE, vcd anyone? and goongS.

concluded that i like to dream of impossible things, so stop dreaming !@#$


其实我也害怕人们从我身边离开，但再想想，每个人也许都是这样吧。

Actually, I can't wait for school to start SOON. At least I won't be so bored being stuck at home everyday, leaving myself to think and think and think about things like what is going to happen on the first day of school next year? or like what is going to happen to the many friendships? or like what if i don't get into riohc? or like what if i get kicked out of whichever school after 3 months? Stupid questions in general.

就是越想越多，再想就更多。

I'm not even excited about HK, except for the fact that I'd be able to get clothes, bags, shoes, earrings etc. at a cheaper price = I can buy more of them! But for what, all for VANITY (aahaha yusin!!!). But I don't even feel like moving my hands to pack the many things and clothes and more jackets, let alone to PACK MY HOUSE, which is still covered with the TYS-ES.

快疯掉了。


okay, so prom is over and i feel so glad about it at the moment, because it means no more target shoppings and no more reasons to spend money(!!). oh well, duh, everyone was like camwhoring before it started and i'm look short for a moment. JUST LOOK AT THOSE HEELS. sheesh, but nevermind, i don't need to pay a PRICE for vanity. my legs are not pain now!!! WAHAHAHA. okay this sounds evil but nyehhhhh :D

no photos, just you wait. why would i even upload prom night's photos when i haven't even upload my GRAD DAY photos? HAHA. as you see, i'm just plain lazy. shall do that on... tuesday! yeah, me and my beehive head. wished that me and huiyi could just swop heads! ANYWAY, i love charis's hair!!! OMG. it's red. WHEEE. i love red hairs. and eileen's curlssssss. the food was so pathetic, not in terms of quality but in terms of QUANTITY. which explains why i had to eat 6 sandwiches in the middle of the night at 2AM.

so long, julynn is the best man! HAHAHA. (julynn goh! be honoured. LOL)

-
cell bonding! haha. was quite funky. when we reached there they started asking me if i'm really going hc and sheesh, ALL OF THEM are taking physics! like T.T why would chinese high people take physics when hc's biology is like pro. HAHA. as shengkun puts it, it's damn demoralising to fail for 2 years and finally get an A for A's. you would just go crazy halfway. quite true lah. ARGHHH i don't know. but i think i should just give up the hope about CHINA STUDIES or CLEP. (wake up ruiwen):)

okay then we started playing TABOOOO and it's so fun. "girl's language" :D as you'd call it. the way everyone said the words was like funny! and how charmaine(seow) kept catching the guys using forbidden words. so DUH, the girls are like so much pro-er than the guys in every game and we thrashed them. HAHAHA. girls more intelligent what! jon soh should have just crossed over to our side! i like taboo now :D HAHA. it's so fun. oh then there's polar bear and i swear sophia's a good actress. and HAHA i'm so not any polar bears, innocent me!

then we ate and played STUPID GAMES like mrt and fuzzy wuzzy and think aloud! SHEESH, they're really stupid okay. kill my brain cells ):. i wanna know the trick to the game similiar to black magic. SHEESH. then we went up and talked and yeah POKER :D:D derrick is like funny -.- okay. shall not talk about the emo part. it's bad. charmaine was cartoon enough to play MARIO theme song on the keyboard and jiayan and sheena played all sorts of things.

somehow i feel both happiness and sadness from my decision to go for cellbonding. but at least i won't regret it. since it's our last cellbonding this year. and next year, mustard source is going to split into two. supposed to be a healthy thing... i don't know. i don't even remember who's in whose cell and urghhh. the thought of it just sucks lah. i think the best thing that has ever happened was me going youth camp last year. and i hope this year's youth camp would be equally great, if not greater.

so i din sleep the whole night. and came home and slept till around 5PM (thanks to the roaring thunder). i'm having mixed feelings. like they've said, in jan it's just gonna be SO hectic, with new school new friends and new cell. but we're still going to see each other around in church, and sit together for service, organise bondings together right? i don't know.

walk by faith;
but sometimes, you just know somethings will never be the same anymore.
-
什么叫插身而过？


so i laughed;

nails was good, except ONE small flaw :\ i love massages! haha. i was telling charmaine that she'd better marry some rich man next time. if not sure very easy broke one. HAHAHA, liukun your nails is nice lor! :D

anyway i've decided my 12 choices of JC. and o.O finally got so many raffles people ask me don't go raffles! YAY.

i just detest the sight of blood and needles. i pray. i felt it, felt God's presence when the-j2-rj-guy (ely's church friend) started the prayer. i felt this holiness surrounding the bed, felt everyone wishing that you will recover in no time, these true concerns from the heart. of course, despite the attempts to crack jokes about how it feels weird surrounding an empty bed and the FHM magazine that was specially bought (yay my idea! haha >.<) but yes Lord, please shower your blessings upon japheth, that he'll stop suffering these pain, everything, that he'll be discharged quite soon to enjoy this wonderful holidays. something so strong i haven't felt in ages.

perhaps i haven't been to church too long. i don't even know if i made the right choice about going for cell bonding tomorrow after prom, and the stayover. i just feel weird :\ hopefully. i don't know. yeah i shouldn't judge people. think i will be the one ending up dao-ing people. ARGHHHH.

tomorrow shall be a wonderful day.



what an amazing grace.


okay i posted 3 times today.

我终于明白什么叫“坐立不安”了。

i was wondering, actually i'm quite glad to have salvaged some treasured friendships in this year. as for you, (you'll never know i'm talking about you), there's a scar in this friendship. perhaps, i would have been 高高在上, realising all that i set out to be, but because of you, everything was destroyed within a day. maybe she have forgiven me, but i guess i've hurt her deeply. and vice versa. and vice versa with you. but of course, to forgive and forget. i will try my very best. and of course, some friendships were ruined, maybe now that i've got TIME i will do something about them.

i hope the form A thingy tomorrow won't be boring. anyway, kind of realised that it's of no use consulting the teachers about which school to choose. since i've such great determination..? okay shrugs. will anyone submit the online application at 12MN?! :D HAHAHA. if there is, tell me! i'll join you.

who needs math tuition? chinese will do too! HAHA. HIRE ME. lol.


bumblebee's making me excited about riohc.

the "what ifs" in life.


somehow i'm overwhelmed with fear now. okay, so it is considered as a bad thing to me. because getting hospitalised is just so so, scary. i remembered clearly (see how bad the experience was) how the doctors everyday tried to "hit" my back so get my phlegm out. was hospitalised for near 1 month that time. that was why i become a skinny kid despite being nearly overweight when i was born.

okay, in conclusions i just hate hospitals. they give me the feeling of darkness somehow. though it's not true. but. i can't helped but to be scared. okay no, they don't represent or signify anything at all. they don't.

i just hope you will be fine. really.

suddenly there's just nothing to be happy about, so what if prom's coming? it's just an excuse for spending more money, so much for vanity. health is always more important i guess. without health, so what if you can and are able to live a materialistic life? indulging in luxuries and everything else.

it all seems so distant. i feel a tinge of guiltiness, more not caring enough, for everything. arghhhh.


YAYYYE. i've got my prom dress! :D i hope liukun will settle hers by tomorrow morning! :D yay. hahaha. shopping in 16 hours in 2 days definitely bear fruits, especially when charmaine is there. think we tried some 80 dresses altogether. and saw lots of people! including eileen<3, tunnyuan, debby with her highlighted-super-nice-hair, xiping (twice!), lithong, charis and cheryl with their mums and alot of other more cedarians! :Dbut my legs are suffering very badly now. couldn't even walk properly for 6 steps. yeah :\ and i decided to save money and really not buy new heels/bag/clutch. 'cause i'm using the handbag i originally bought for mr sng's wedding but didn't get to use it in the end. and those heels which i wore TWICE since chinese new year until now (yeah i'm such a loser. HAHA).

so, we should start CNY shopping soon! it'd definitely be much easier, i think.

i actually woke up at 8+ today because my leg was SOOOO pain, i couldn't bear to sleep much longer. and when i went online, huiyi pm-ed me "wah you wake up so early ah, i thought you still sleeping" or something along this context. HAHA!

jamie dao-ed my sms! ):

i want to play badminton!!! ahhh. collin was asking me about badminton today, the only sport that i can play relatively well with an "instrument". HAHAHA. yeah, but play with them, tooo fast mo. HAHAHA. play with others in PE lessons, sloow mo :D I LIKE! gosh, they're like having prom at marina mandarin today. IM SO JEALOUS. okay, nevermind, school hall is fine, with wonderful classmates and friends yeah? :D

oh, by the way, do not buy a goldenish yellow dress with a huge diamond in the front which is half halter, half cross-back from isetan [: HAHA!


HMMM. O'S DON'T SEEM SUCH A BIG HAPPENING THING AFTERALL.

kudos to me, for kind of slacking throughout this period if you compared how freaking much i studied for prelims to o's.
AHAHA! like calling huiyi everyday to talk crap and smsing random people out of randomness! (:
and my bill already baozha. like weird o.O my bill always bursts by alot whenever there's exams. IM A WEIRD PERSON ANYWAY.

okay, so many thanks to you-know-who-you-guys-are :D:D:D
i'm thinking of asking all the chinese tuition people out one day to eat. OKAY. HAHAHA, eating is a fun thing to do :D
like how i pigged out today despite almost fainting. poor legs of mine ): LOL!
okay it's my pocket that suffered anyway. liukun and i bought a shirt each! it just feels great when you step out of the shop. HAHA! 'cause at least it's SOMETHING productive today. other than the funny-and-a-lil-touching game plan movie. THE GIRL HAS A SERIOUSLY CUTE LAUGHTER. which makes you feel like having kids immediately! (: (sophia... i hadn't forgotten our kids. HAHAHA) even a 8 yr old kid knows what is XOXO huh. HAHA.

i just hope my results will be fine enough to earn me a laptop + new camera. and christmas is coming! which means more baking and more baking and as it suggests, a time for surprises, love, and sharing. HAHA. will be off from 24th to 29th. SHOPPING :D


did i happen to say that i hate leeches? hmmm.


was telling huiyi, i realised EVERYONE, literally EVERYONE has went out to look/see/even shop for their prom dresses or shoes or whatever. except for me. ):

"but i won't succumb to peer pressure!" :D

so that i won't have a reason to bang wall and bang wall if i see an a2 :\

because i really did my best le. HAHA.]

YAYYYYE. i shall enjoy today. by doing more mcqs -.-

and then i'll find my perfect PIECE OF CLOTH in my dreams! :D


有时候，我们也太藐视生命了吧。

anyway, it was so funny. was asking my mum if econs in jc is really THAT difficult, and she happily said that she got A for it, her only A, and suddenly said that 'cause she got tuition. then i'm like T.T to think people even say like our parents don't have tuition last time unlike us. SHEESH. so unfair lah!

anyway, i just realised it's holidays even though i read the whole column about deevapali in straits time. crazy symptom! must be too stressed! so must destress. yay destress destress. which is what im doing now! WHEEE.

i still can't believe why anyone would wanna take KI. ouch.

ANYWAY! i decided to find a red dress. HAHAHA. cos i saw this nice one in urban today. and i think if it was in red it's nicer. LOL.

i think that the wallpaper singyee sent me which reads "YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING" is failing me.

WHYYYY. okay, no, i think i'm failing myself.


因为你，不懂。


just don't understand.

yeah i'm filled with envy now. bleah. >.<

just focuse on o's, damnit.

okay i just can't stand it when people attitude me. one day i should attitude people back. LOL.


i was reading cedarian's blogs and everyone's complaining that they're so bored!

whilst i'm here worrying over lack of time. because i realised that i have alot of TYS which will last me past the exam date. and it'd be gone to waste (okay, waste money lah!) if i don't do it now, unless i retake my o's which is like, touch wood? (touch erm cha li si dou's head HAHAHAHA, okay this is cause im talking to her on msn now)

whee, i cannot wait to watch a HAPPY movie after o's. since last yr's EOYS, we have been watching oh-makes-you-wanna-cry-and-almost-everyone-is-crying-lovey-dovey-touching-like-siao movies. SO YAY?

btw, i think the 9 o clock show's plot was like, omg. HAHAHA. we'd all thought initially that it was the guy who yi qing bie lian, in the end it was the gf that dumped him. awwww ;D LOL! i am seeing the sweetness of physics already.

BYEBYE. i'm going to STUDYYYYYYY! YAY I KNOW YOU(whoever, -.-) MISS ME!

shall not think about the goodness of "after o's". anyway, all the GOODNESS can't be compared to a broken stick on 31st Jan 08. (HAHA I WONDER WHO KNOWS WHAT IS A BROKEN STICK)

Let's count the probabilities in life.

Endless.


IM SOOOOO BORED I CAN LIKE JUST BANG A HARD SOLID WALL AND FAINT NOW.

mcqs are getting no where. the only thing that is getting somewhere is the fact that we're closer to the end of o's. "don't follow me", so says my cousin. right, he was telling me about how he still gamed during o's last year and i went like "i went town yesterday" and shocked him. so as his principal says, "you have to see to believe".

NEVERMIND. IM STILL VERY BORED. i think char's bored too. HAHAHA.


ruiwen! says:
next time u shld go open electronic store also
ruiwen! says:
then i can get discount
ruiwen! says:
HAHAHAHAHA.
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
-.-
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
might as well say
ruiwen! says:
aye can earn alot one lor (if u believe me hah)
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
help me find a rich guy
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
den i buy for you lah
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
hahah
ruiwen! says:
OH YAH
ruiwen! says:
hahaha
ruiwen! says:
yeah
ruiwen! says:
better idea
ruiwen! says:
>.<
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
haha
CHAR | we try too hard just to make things right says:
hai shi wo cong ming
ruiwen! says:
i want new handphone also


HAHAHA. testimony to buying me what i want if char ever marries a rich guy!


not so easy.

it's funny how things would take a turn, and end up in the unexpected way.

it's even funnier when dilemmas happen.

left, or right.


Hope allows us to work to bring God's reign upon the earth even when we see no results.
Our hope begins and ends in God, the source of all hope.


so the first lap is over, just keep swimming.

i think my worst case scenario is like

...

so my l1r5 will be 3+1+1+2+2+4 = 13 WHEEEE.

congratulations to me. i'd even watched wo cai wo cai wo caix3 until 1am on sat.
but thank God for ss. first, and the last.

tuitions have finally concluded. was thinking, actually i'd like need math tuition in jc lah. crap. my mum wants me to take bio cos she can save on physics tuition. LOL.

okay, shouldn't be pessimistic. 30% can do lots, and lots of miracle. just like charistoh sings it, "i need a miracle".

actually, i'm still sad over not taking chinese anymore. maybe i'm the only weird one around. but it's like, why learn a language which doesn't connect you to your roots. yeah, i think i shall give up on my crazy idea about china studies in chinese, it's simply crazy. you know, sometimes its really sad like how you cannot turn your passion into things you study, all for the sake of grades. like how cedar policy of SSGE for triple sciences disallowed people like me and jamie to take history. and now, history repeats itself. (okay, that's cos i'd surely fail, it's like chinese in SS)

and not to forget people who have been there to hear me whine about papers >.< thanks. :D



有时，有人说很多话，以为是沟通
但有时，千言万语
都比不上一个拥抱