girl next door is it so hard to find someone who loves me for me?

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Monday, June 30, 2008

HAHAHAHA i was going to post as usual and thank all the people in the world for making today today but i realised i have no way of figuring out the order of people who wished me so LATER oh but the first was best bud<3 and then xingyi and then huiyi! :D :\ HAHAHA. but it was a damn 令人感动 de birthday (:


HELLO! This is RW's BELOVED! Her DARLING DEAREST!

HAHAHA that was huiyi who just popped by my house to pass me a letter and her self-made heartshape brownie which is part of my present part1. HAHAHAHA <333! anyway, i was just thinking, how nice is it if you always have someone 24/7 on standby for you to talk about anything under the sun.

/edit HAHAHAHA i found out something i wasn't supposed to find out i'm going to act blur and ignorant and i didn't know anything. >.< HAHAHAHA, okay, i'm a super fortunate girl! HAHA.

/edit edit, its only two more weeks.


i don't know whether i should do this or that or this this that that ARGHHHHHHH life goes on HAHAHAHA!


WAHAHAHA. yesterday was a damn hectic day. choir in the morning, i'm glad sops made an improvement but nothing's ever enough. ms lim got pissed so she stomped out of the room, and we had prac until 4 but i had to leave for church.

then i had my first bday cake. WAHAHAHA. a pity not many people were there from our cell but still lots of <3 ! :D

then i only left for changi airport at 7.30pm when we were supposed to meet at 7.30 >.< and took 53 down like thank god there's a straight bus man! haha, and i think i did the right thing to ask yaohui along HAHAHAHA just see the shocked faces of both kaijian and yaohui when he came out of the gate. LOL. had a super great talk along the way! but didn't get to eat popeye and ate some super expensive chicken noodles and huijuan and sabu ate some super expensive hokkien mee while lianseng alr had his MUM's food and some stubborn person just refuses to eat anything other than popeye. HAHA! so proud to say that kaijian is 7th, in the whole world for his category WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

okay bye i'm late for tuition and i only reached home at 12+ ytd but didn't get killed, yet.


i bought this book called "thanks for the memories" by cecelia ahern today HAHAHA (finally!) whee. i just enjoy the feeling of getting roped into the stories and more stories and read beautiful and flowery languages. HAHAHA.

the peer counselling course was kinda, funny, all the acting parts and the act gay parts and gosh weileong and lianseng -.- HAHAHA. and all the random drawings on the mahjong paper, renice drew this beetle and i thought it was a wooden toy's face :O and jellybeans! WAHAHAHA, i swear it's nice getting back at people with snizzly cinammon LOL it's like gone within how long and someone said it was nice. >.<>.< and weiming thinks eileen's from rg (!!!) and our fac head is so filial to buy back tangyuans for his parents!

grahhhh results next week. HAHAHA.

/edit

天仍是一片蓝！
& to always look at the bright blue side, the side you're on! :D

HAHAHA okay fine i think less than 18 people in the world knows what it means but i like the way it's phrased, totally. i have a liking for chinese words. HAHAHA. -.-

tomorrow's gonna be hectic, choir till 12, church, and then rushing off to airport even though i haven't really thought of the way to go airport from church yet (I DUNNO LAH ARGHH). HAH! i don't feel like doing anything, it's just this "i got alot of things to settle before i leave and i must make sure that things are in place" feeling but i just feel like dao-ing them, but it's bad shoving them off. i hate this rigidness in life.

i think i should change, like do something about my short-temper soon, stop getting irritated with the smallest things in life, start putting myself in others' perspective, stop waiting for people to take the first moves, yeah >.< stop being so spoilt and expect people to give in to me always.

tonight was a happy night because my 10pm show is getting exciting. HAAHA. :D


i had this dream which was super good and hilarious and if it comes true it would be the best day of my life ever HAHAHAHA but dreams are always and will be dreams. :O

waiting for weihan to like reply me now! -.- i bet she's sleeping. GRAHHH.

I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some


i wished that someday i can reset my life and everything goes back to the past, maybe i won't be so confused then.

but dude it's impossible.

it's shocking how life surprises me here and there, expecting the unexpected and unexpecting the expecteds, and i'm truly intrigued for once. what if i had taken another path? there's a thousand what ifs, a thousand mistakes i've made over these 6 months, thousand million things that happened, good or bad, and i keep questioning myself things that i know i can never have answers to.

sucks. HAHAHA.

i like banana splits!

HAHA.

anyway super funny, was having class convo and alot of other convos and look at this:

` ΜΛD pao^2 .[eternal]. .artemis said:
err if im not man then theres no man left in this world liao =D

true real life example of 自欺欺人 HAHAHHA !


I CANNOT WAIT FOR "CAMP" TO COME @ LK'S HOUSE. HAHAHA.

i don't know. it feels damn good, damn relaxing, and all the nice emotions in the world you can find to have such a great talk with charis and jamie after so long. and of course to have dinner with char lk and jiani and singyee who pangseh-ed us as usual. :D except for the fact that we waited outside NYDC for so freaking long because there was this super huge bunch of rj people taking up alot of space. LOL.

there's so many things on earth that's confusing me and i have to say i'm super confused right now. and as i take a look at myself, there's no one aspect in my life that is NOT MESSY. and it's big time to unmess my life. i like the way charis says it as "God has zai plans for us" (so hc way HAHA) but how true it is. and i believe, in God, in life still.

it's funny how i work. you know the past few days i've been dying to catch my 10pm show, and today i just don't feel like watching it anymore.

and kino closed when we reached there ): BLEAHHHH i need novels!

i can't say enough how much i love you guys and appreciate the fact that you guys are there<3

it's super weird. when i don't care, people start caring. and when i start caring, people no longer care.

tomorrow's some fc course, sat's YA and cip and choir, sun's tuition + shopping, mon's my bday, tues is sabbats + go out, wed is sabbats and choir, thurs is choir, fri (omg im free HAHAHA), sat is choir + fc gen meeting, sun is tuition gems and og outing and sleepover@lk, mon is youthday also choir da, tues is (omg im free again HAHA), wed is choir, thurs is (OMG I M FREE ZOMG), fri is choir, sat i will be gone to a faraway land.

see how time flies.


math was relatively okay, it's like the best paper so far i guess but yeah some mistakes here and there but NEVERMINDDD.

after math paper, char was like "eh tomorrow how!"
i was like "tomorrow what?"
char gave me the shocked face "tomorow is end of exam leh"
me " OH YEAHHHH AHAHA"

YAYYYE! i can really taste the sweetness of everything ending! but mr rudy HAD TO do this to me during morning assembly

mr lee "ruiwen last minute studying ah!"
me "uh ytd watch too much tv"
mr lee " haiyo how can like that. how was physics anw"
me "err die lah"
mr lee " i saw the paper what. it's very interesting! quite easy"
me "where got lah "
mr lee " tomorrow's chem paper will be even more interesting than physics"

WAHAHAHAHHAA. SEE WHAT I MEAN. its okay, i'm fairly motivated to study for chem. anyway we have like 24 hours from now. and yayyyyyye i'm going to see all those <3<3<3lovely people tomorrow after blocks. i can't wait. :D SERIOUSLY. ok must remember to bring cam. HAHAHA. can't decide if i wanna change or not. LALALALA~

came home and saw this email that makes me very happy :D I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING AT IT SERIOUSLY. LOL! then i laughed a lil too loud my mum thought i was mad -.- yeah, results from CSM! :D HAHAHAHA. artemis rocks big time! :D i didn't waste my voice cheering like crazy and getting warnings :O

anyway today's my mum's birthday so happy birthday to her. HAHAHA. it was my chinese birthday last sunday and i only got one super insincere birthday wish (HAHA) at the end of the day. shrugs. today feels like any other ordinary day and so does tomorrow, and the day after.

i think i'm getting weirder i actually planned out my weeks all the way until 12th july and i'm shocked at how freaking busy i will get. but i need entertainment, lots of them. HAHA!

i feel sad, for alot of reasons. and there's nothing for me to feel better. i wish i could tell you (yes you whoever is reading this) everything, but then it'll make two persons sad. so why should i. HAHAHAHA.

& each of us are only angels with one wing, no?


i have totally no mood to study for maths now. but a big <3 to sophia for understanding the shitty feelings i have, partly 'cause there's no one else i can turn to already. it's history.

haha, but i know i need to study for maths now because i ever said i wanna take H3 math! and you too.


ITS TIME TO MOVE ON. I SWEAR I WILL. AS LONG AS I STOP TALKING TO YOU BUT THATS NOT THE WAY.

physics left me happy because i could ATTEMPT most of the questions and they were all like its either you fail damn badly or pass damn well. lingyong was like the highest in class will probably be S. and clement was close to tears. and irene couldn't get over the fact that she got THAT mcq wrong (HAHA NO CHILDHOOD LAHHHH!) and then twin had to tell me all my mistakes and crush my hope of passing physics when eldwin and pattyho almost killed me for even saying it's easy. LOL. i think char almost killed me also. HAHAHA. but i'm aliveee!

OMG IM LAUGHING LIKE CRAZY THANKS TO ELSON'S POST ON CLASS BLOG! ITS SERIOUS DAMN FUNNY! but exclusive to 6B people only! HEH! ITS SERIOUSLY DAMN FUNNY! even until the last sentence. GOSH.

"They say humans learn from their mistakes, i apparently haven't, cause i chose to take up physics as a subject in JC...." - ELSON.

HAHAHA WHAT THE SHIT I AGREE!

WHEE TWO MORE DAYS! i can almost taste the sweetness of everything ending.

HAHA. I SHALL NOT SLEEP LATER AND WAIT FOR MY TEN O CLOCK SHOW. :D

i made the best decision by abandoning physics yesterday night. HAHAHA.

but i made the best mistake of letting go of everything that i had. and it's all too late by the time i realised everything and started to look back.

it's funny how fate works. HAHA.




okay one down four to go.

hahaha came online yesterday night, only to have conservations starting with "omg ruiwen why're you online" "i didn't expect you to come online!" HAHAHA. what the. then i got quite pissed with a particular person trying to assume things of me which happens to be the human behaviour i hate the most: assumptions of others. -.- i'm still rather pissed but i guess it's only humans' nature to assume things of others and maybe there's a certain aspect of me that hadn't been done well to let others have such an impression of me.

'nuff said. chris was saying about how ytd at midnight nobody from our class was online. LOL.

whee, tomorrow is the start of something new. HAHAHA. i told charis to come and an wei me if she sees me crying in school. LOL. jkjk.

it hurts like shit when you said "now then you know"


the history of today is what that matters, i guess for now it does apply.

I HAVE TO ADMIT IM FREAKING SCARED FOR BTS.

anyway it was super funny after sending out goodluck sms (17x2!!) to beloved fc at 12+++AM alot them replied immediately SHEESH LAH ALL MUGGING and i was complaining to weihan how i watched 4 hours of tv yesterday and she's like she watched 7 the day before and i was o.O HAHAHA. tv date next time! :D

nightmare will soon be over i hope i don't know i think alot of people can tell that i'm super stressed but being stressed doesn't mean i'm studying but anyway HAHAHA i'm considering the probability of crashing rj on thursday after our last paper and i think i will, at night :O LOL

we have to much to thank for and pray for


argh now i have a chance to change my phone to samsung soul HAHAHA but it seems ridiculous to change 2 phones in less than 2 months doesn't it :O

anyway MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING IN LESS THAN 10 DAYS. LOL. and next sunday i'm going out with huiyi HAHAHA sat will be choir+church i guess! and jamie's bday is coming too!! (WHEN ARE WE MEETING UP!!!!!!!!!!!)

this will well be my last post before blocks so jiayou to everyone HAHAHA I WILL GET MY 3As and 2Us JUST WAIT AND SEE> LOL. (okay i'm still dreaming)

tomorrow will be such a good day.

unfortunately, i'm starting to watch this new hk drama which showcases the lives of a family which has super high reputation in hongkong (duh) and i was just thinking how it sucks, to have your whole life drafted and crafted out, all according to plan. and i thank God for the liberty to do whatever i want and become whatever i want in the future 'cause my parents don't really care as long as it's something decent and pays decently and they're hoping i don't get some super high ranking job 'cause they think you have to sacrifice too many things in life. (i disagree tho but) thats besides the point. so i'm watching 2 dramas now in the midst of blocks HAHAHAHA :D

and i ate honeydew sago today!

and i was watching this documentary called ANIMAL PHARM (note the pun) and it disgusts me how rabbits have jellyfishes' glowing genes, how carrots weren't supposed to be orange, how disgusting chickens look like without feathers, how double muscles in genetically modified cows taste, SUCKSSSS omg what is happening to the world.

and i'm going to buy alot of books to bring to austria to read HAHAHA i'm becoming intellectual but nevermind CHIC FIC is good sometimes. >.<


its a saturday morning and i'm in my room with the aircon switched on (damn, save the earth!) and listening to gwen stafani's in the morning (what an irony) and trying to go through my chem tutorials' mistakes and trying to concentrate but i realised my morning headache is PERMANENT, i'm screwed for life lah wth how could this happen to me ?!

after reading char's post i'm inspired to go shopping HAHAHA. auntie, stop emo-ing lah !! her nick goes char is is dying/ is dead. (death is an understatement) like o.O

oh anyway the cafrica people are back! was asking yaohui if the sunsets there are nice not and gosh i think they are and i cannot wait to see the photos!

okay i think i'm quite a stubborn person sometimes especially at times like this. maybe because i believe in myself too much. and i don't know if its a good or bad thing.

yeah honeymoon period's over. HAHA. i guess it's time to focus on more important stuffs and stop letting my thoughts drift away on other things (how when somethings are OVER its gone forever and nothing will bring them back anymore) and start saving pw and WAHA i cannot wait for 5th july to come fc general meeting<3 when i don't even know i can go or not its such a complicated thing BLEAH why must things always crash like nobody's business!

i feel like going back to sleep. i don't know. saturdays never feel like saturdays anymore. there's no YA to look forward to. in all, life's just different. i can't wait to go uni and stay in the same hostel as huiyi!! yeah, i've decided to stay in singapore don't ask me why but i think it'd be a good thing afterall.


the joke of the day is that someone actually said i look like i'm from some sports cca like LOL OMGGGG HAHAHAHA and that someone is jonquek! -.- SERIOUSLY. then i smsed chai and chai was like "if you're in sports i'm miss singapore already!"

ruiwen said:
i can go for olympics
ruiwen said:
HAHAHAHAA
chai jiaying said:
whooo! and i'll be there cheering you on LOL
chai jiaying said:
but when i have beauty pageants, you must be there for me also okay!
chai jiaying said:
HAHAHHAHHA
ruiwen said:
HAHAHHA
ruiwen said:
ok
ruiwen said:
i will keep calling to make sure u get enough votes to get in
ruiwen said:
then i make posters for u!


WAHAHA. anyway, today was a super unproductive day. i think we (sufen eldwin twin pattyho and jonquek) made the most noise there and then we concluded that it's because jonquek joined us today and started the sleeping trend that made eldwin sleep and make everyone so sian and made patricia go crazy trying to rest for an hour or so then everyone started talking about random things! and sufen and me catfighting LOL seriously super funny -.-

anyway i got slightly inspired by mr teo HAHAHA i'm going to prove to him that non-gifted people can get A also! :O

i dunno i just feel happy that the whole gems baking thing is settled and approved and i feel this tiny sense of achievement :D

was reminded of how much some of us value pride. i'd agree that pride is damn important lah sometimes we all do things for the sake of pride, so-called but at the end of the day i guess different things matter to a different extent to everyone of us and sometimes the love for doing something you really like can be strong and unexplainable you're willing to put everything down for the sake of it. that's life for you.

i think two days of relaxing is enough. i don't know. best bud seems so stressed about blocks i don't know what to say/do but RJ blocks are supposed to be easier than HC blocks LOL. okay hope you won't see this if not i gg later you wanna severe all ties with me!!

recently i've been disgusted by how superficial i can be and this isn't good because none of us have the right to judge one another.

and i freaking miss potong pasir's chicken rice and tau huey HAHAHAHA. maybe i shld ask bella or sophia to eat with me one day! :D

Engaged Idealist (EI)

(Just visiting? Take the free test and determine your personality type!)

Engaged Idealists are extroverted and helpful. Others find them to be very congenial and inspiring - especially as they are always willing to see the best in the other person. Their humour, their energy and their optimism attract other people. Engaged Idealists are very good at communicating and are good at convincing and firing on others. That is why it is a matter of course that they often take over the leading role in groups. This personality type often produces very charismatic persons.

Engaged Idealists have an unusually strong ability to empathise. They are tolerant and generous towards others; they sometimes tend to idealise their friends. They always try to suit everybody and want their relationships to be harmonious and satisfactory. To achieve this, they are prepared to invest a great deal and to put their requirements last. As Engaged Idealists are very considerate, there is the danger of them sacrificing and overexerting themselves for others. In their job, they therefore have to be very careful not to develop a burnout syndrome.

Engaged Idealists are reliable, well organised and love structuring complicated situations. They have difficulty accepting criticism; they quickly feel hurt and misunderstood. Their perfectionism also influences their love life - they look for the perfect relationship for life. Once they have made their decision, they are faithful, well-balanced and loving partners. However, should they get involved with the wrong person, it can happen that they allow themselves to be exploited for a long time before they end the relationship.

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Adjectives which describe your type

extroverted, theoretical, emotional, planning, idealistic, committed, likable, enthusiastic, responsible, helpful, loyal, diplomatic, friendly, inspiring, caring, solicitous, optimistic, effusive, adaptable, communicative, articulate, convincing, energetic, optimistic, open, vulnerable

These subjects could interest you

art, psychology, politics, honorary work, environmental protection, nature, travel



i couldn't stop laughing after taking this personality test. RIGHTTTT environmental protection o.O LOL. but the other subjects are true though. HAHAHA. other than that i think its quite true except for the love life part wth i will be the first to run away what about being exploited hmm i wonder! -.-


/edit
i got super bored at home GRAHHH why didn't i go school today its like a terrible mistake. i'm on msn with yingting now and she's getting zihigh as usual. LOL. anyway i realised that my printer is quite insane one month ago it shows "black ink low" and one month later i printed thousands of notes with it and it's still printing well -.- LOL.


so random but i can't believe my cousin got into PEST A u know how impossible that is?!


grah i really wanna sleep but i really feel guilty for not doing anything since i came home. see how econs lecture has such undesirable effects?

WAHAHAHA after BTs end im going to add watching HK DRAMAS to my to-do list. ;D and austria clothes shopping with the sops<3 which is going to be fully sponsored by my mummy! i've got it all planned out in my head. the focus for the next half of the year will be PHYSICS (i swear i will get an A for promos I WILL and when i say i will i will! ) and olympics and fc and pw yes pw is super impt! which is all going to be done without sacrificing my work. i'm going to be so dilligent in my schoolwork just wait and see.

its less than a month from now AHAHHAAAA

not going to school tomorrow i guess being at home will still be fine!! i'm studying for 12hours tomorrow alone HEH.

i miss sleeping PEACEFULLY. such a waste lah huiyi was at macs today and she never tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -.- stupid pig.

shit im getting more random now HAHAHAHA. i think i worry alot, unnecessarily.

oh yeah funny incident today our class guys almost get knocked down by many cars!


sometimes i really hate saying the words giving up. LOL. i think i'm suffering from pre-BTs depression or something. the fact that i'm not feeling stressed is saying very much. in all, life sucks now. i think char was right when she said that its a JC thing. we all have no life! except that we had a great lunch at currywok AHAHA looking at the way minx eat is truly enjoyable! then went back to school to continue on econs lecture, and then went to 65's classbench to talk and then went to reading room. UGHHH, one thing i must say, reading room is getting on my nerves the people there are just so noisy with no sense of responsibility at all for those who truly wish to study like wth CANNOT STAND IT. a lil noise is fine, but if the seniors have to keep shhh-ing the noisy people it really shows alot.

anyway was watching this sort-of documentary show. they were showing belinda (some mediacorp actress) at cambodia, to see how people who are really really poor live their lives. i must say there is this tinge of sadness in me when i saw the scene, of how the small girl lost her parents since she was 10 (and she's quite pretty) and she had to pick leaves and climb the trees to get coconuts and sell both coconuts and leaves for a living. and for so much leaves she gets around 7cents SGD a day. i don't know what life means to her but such extreme poverty is just, so rare here in fact i think we see none in local context. there's barely even smiles on her face. it makes me look forward to going cambodia so much at the end of the year.

but somehow, we all don't really know what life means to all of us do we?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i think i'm annoying myself at the moment because i have so many thousand million things to do. i'm officially tired of expectations. really.


intensive mugging started at reading room and lunch was super crap with twin sufen and eldwin today HAHAHA although i found out something that amuses me so much :D and i hate the fact that there's going to be 5 hours worth of econs lecture tomorrow even though i think it'd help in securing a decent grade for econs but ARGHHH i don't like random things that destroys my mugging mood ): okay i don't care if i turn into some super mugger or something i just want to get things done the way i want them to be and someone ever told me when i was complaining about how dead i will be for blocks that "u won't allow yourself to" fall below my expectations yes but sometimes i wonder what are expectations to begin with?


i think i have extreme phobia of chem consults already! LOL.

after blocks, it's all gonna be choir choir, more choir, fc, fc and more fc!


today is the start of everything what not. we all don't know what lies ahead in our lives. while it may be a sad truth, it turns every new day into a challenge for us and people around us.

frankly, i won't know how far this will bring me, but if it doesn't bring me far, i'll have to try harder again for the next time? i'm one soul who believe in myself that much sometimes :O life is always about trying, isn't it?





i'm thinking of a thousand million possibilities and i can't decide which to take on.


i'm going to try really hard from now on!


ahhhh thank you twin for understanding how i feel and trying to talk me out of this shitty feeling. :P


chem consult was so demoralising i'm starting to have visions of receiving back Us for every paper.

sucks when you have such a big pride.

mp dialogue was pretty interesting and my table talked alot about anything under the sun and its pretty intriguing to talk about such serious/ funny matters in such a light hearted setting with FOOD and listen to others' opinions about things around us which may indirectly/directly affect us. it's great. and mr teo's an eloquent man.

no words can describe how depressed i am actually.

this feeling just sucks to the max. i wonder if it's only me. or what.


I was flipping through the papers today, and I came across this very long report about the aftermath of the Sichuan Earthquake, which really struck me hard. Seeing how such a beautiful town can be destroyed in such a matter of time, seeing how lives and buildings have to be rebuilt, how people have to find a way to start afresh, even if it means losing what may be the most important to them in their entire lifespan, be it wealth, family, or a livelihood. I don't think they have a choice, they just got to step out somehow, and find a way to start anew... no matter how much their heart aches. I don't know, I was just wondering how such a disaster could be so dark that some people will never live out of it ever again, they'll be stuck in shock, terror, fear, pain for the rest of their lives. Waking up everyday, and finding that they could only count their lives in days, they could only have plans for their future in days, not knowing when another calamity will strike, not knowing how much more will they lose, not knowing how much more pain they have to undergo losing so much within such a short time, or rather, they don't know what is pain anymore. They've become numbed to emotions, numbed to everything that surrounds them, maybe. 'Cause days after days, the ruins are still there, corpses are still buried, people are still missing. It does, to a certain extent, forces people to grow. But hey, the tolls are too scary, way too scary, way too much for anyone to handle.


i loved nights like yesterday's, when the wind comes gushing in the room, with scary howls and weird noises, but the wind, so cooling and refreshing, though admittedly it sent chills down my spine. these are the days when you get afraid of loneliness, afraid of people close to your heart leaving you. but i'll take faith in stride i know who are the people out there who loves me for who i really am<3

decided to take a break off yesterday night sacrificing my physics revision, but it feels great and abit annoying to have 9 online convos simultaneously but they all made me laughed in one way or another. haha! :D and listening to super emo songs wth HAHAHA.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
i guess it reminds us, of God's wonderful existence and how He'll always be there to lift us up, to put us through salvation.

listen to the music it comes


today has been a rather fulfilling day, although i failed to wake up at 6+am to reach school by 8 to mug at classbench, and failed completing maclaurin series' supplementary exercise because i started talking and saying hi to people like guanyu, chai and weileong. but 1 hour of math was sufficient for me to clear all my doubts and eileen had 2 hours of lesson (HAHA!)

i just felt pretty saddened over the fact that many have pointed out, including myself, that choir elections' procedure were messed up, there're so much ambiguity which was rather sad. i guess today's prac left everyone feeling empty, i'll just hope and pray the next one and everything will be better, eventually, even if we go the hard way<3 i really really love sop2s alot. :D there're days when i feel so super shitty because i know i'm not a born singer, nobody is though, but still i wanna continue working hard, to sing, to thank God for showering this gift unto me, to glorify Him with our voices as He watches over the choir and ms lim, his children.

anyway it's so sad that choir prac ends at 8pm on my birthday! ): these are the days when you think that birthdays don't really matter anymore, but it matters because it serves as an excuse for everyone to come out of their busy schedules, to meet up, and presents don't even matter. i guess i'm still lucky in the sense that i have thurs, fri, sat, sun to spend after blocks.

it's high time to enforce some self discipline in myself. time never waits for anyone.

想念是会呼吸的痛
suddenly i feel this nostalgia over me. i miss everything. cedar, cedar choir, 3m/4m, all the cedarians, the times with og38, the times we sang, the times when mustard source was still bonded, the times i cried, the times i laughed, the times spent camwhoring, the times in msia with fac comm.

sometimes i can't help but wonder what would my life had been if i went to rj instead. haha.


because it was my fault from the start & there is no one to blame.


saw the paper of worship songs we sang on saturday morning's prayer meeting, and decided to post these wonderful lyrics, who am i by casting crowns :D

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth 
Would care to know my name 
Would care to feel my hurt 
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star 
Would choose to light the way 
For my ever wandering heart 

Not because of who I am 
But because of what You've done 
Not because of what I've done 
But because of who You are 

I am a flower quickly fading 
Here today and gone tomorrow 
A wave tossed in the ocean 
Vapor in the wind 
Still You hear me when I'm calling 
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling 
And You've told me who I am 
I am Yours, I am Yours 

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin 
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again 
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea 
Would call out through the rain 
And calm the storm in me 

thanks to best bud i have a damn cool morning alarm tone which i got so addicted to and it's so spastic. it goes 为什么 ！为什么！　为～什～么 :\ HAHAHA. okay, anyway my happiness today spilledover from yesterday when i finally CONQUERED one chapter of physics called forces! :\ it's like such a big achievement to me i told my mum "my physics's got hope now" and she went "why?" and i was like "hmm sudden realization" LOL. so today i'm going to conquer another chapter and i understood thermodynamics. actually my life isn't that bad, apart that i have super short term memory which means i have to consistently go through my notes in my wildest attempt to memorise them, considering that i've gone through one round of memorising all lecture series for econs, done tys for chem except 2 chapts, done holiday package for math and is on my tys spree, God is good to me afterall.

on msn with weihan HAHA

ruiwen says:
HAHA who is ur zhuan shu tian shi huh
ruiwen says:
LOL
[33rd <3>
YOU,ruiwen
ruiwen says:
WAHSIAOO!

sheesh i feel honoured! even though the following part to the convo sucks. LOL. and i just wasted 30min of my precious mugging time here.

it's amazing and saddening how people come and go off. and sometimes, there are boundaries you know you cannot cross, for if not consequences will be disastrous. and you're so cautious about such boundaries it eats up your happiness, yet at the same time it brings you immense happiness. okay i dunno what i'm talking about.

HAHA. im feeling rather funny now because twin is complaining to me about shopping. o.O HAHAHA. i think under my wonderful influence twin's becoming more niang2 now :\

Sunday, June 08, 2008

conquer your heart and your mind.

i think the geog people are back hahaha welcome back! :D
and welcome back twin HAHA you have 2 weeks more till you're officially dead. :\

was supposed to visit my grandma (dad's side) yesterday but it got cancelled somehow and in the end didn't go dinner with liukun and the rest and in the end best bud came over to study and i got terribly suan-ed for my laptop which is 14.1inch compared to his 15.3inch and i paid more for mine -.- and i got forced to take this 10min sats test on facebook and i got amused by this finding continent game on facebook too which i think i'll never clear level1 unlike SOME PEOPLE who mugs encyclopedia at such a young age to get into gep HAHAHA jkjk!

then i watched super alot of tv yesterday at night. rah, i got sick of studying already. and it's been only one week. i start to wonder why i didn't sign up for church camp ): anyway sophialing you suck HAHAHA why you don't wanna tell me even though it's nothing. LOL

i think life itself is weird. some people take forever to realise what their dreams are. and it's just like how me and weihan have been in the same school for 4 years but now then i realised what a nice person she is to talk to after fc training camp.

Friday, June 06, 2008

hah, there's this dilemma that i've been stuck in for at least a week, whether to go for choir elections or to go for the most important math lesson in one month. then the problem solved itself when i saw the smb saying we have an extra lesson on that! with another class but ah heck at least it solved itself.

choir was rather funny and we did pt today and i felt more alive than usual and bubuy still sucked. i have this little hope that we'll get one category winner. i think alot of people are having great hopes on us. when fc was in msia, mr teo was like "dun come back if you all dun get 2 golds" which terribly shocked me at that very instant. 1 more month and 6 days! i still remember vividly how cherie asked me during interview for choir auditions if i could go for the trip if i were to be in choir. actualization of dreams seems cool enough. we'll work even harder. then went for lunch at currywok and michaelwee said some super-cannot-be-from-him sick stuffs and then we back to the reading room to mug and i gave up (yay i finished the june hol package woohoo ruiwen rocks! im sure -.-)

was having some time to read this book i bought since last dec but have yet to finish it (even tho i've completed other books over this half a year) and i suddenly realised that actually i have barely enough time to finish doing tys, going through tutorial questions, and memorising the notes (my way of achieving the A, as compared to like twin's i'm-never-going-to-touch-my-notes-until-1week-before blocks super imba attitude) yet both ways pay off the same way.

i'm super amused because someone actually believed that i'm from rgs haha i'm super amused. yeah. after i got suaned by weileong about how i can never be from rgs because rafflesians are not ...... blahblahblah! >.< self-control is the essence to ace your blocks. i'm uber inspired by char mugging at macs until midnight. HAHA!

/edit

there's just so many things going on and i like mslim's way of saying 只许成功 不许失败

Thursday, June 05, 2008

TODAY WAS A VERY UNPRODUCTIVE DAY!

spent my day in school saying hi to random people, having meeting, finalised things, ate cup noodles for lunch, mugged at reading room with char chris lianseng, went for dinner and talked crap with them, took the train home, said things i think i should say (what if i die tomorrow, there's no justification that we'll live to see each brand new day), and i feel calm now.

it seems to be human's first nature to run away from things you're afraid of, especially if they come charging at you. i'd say human's zero-th nature is to self-convince that things will be alright.

sometimes the simplest things in life are the best things in life.

we all go for complexities a lil too often.

on a side note, there's pt tomorrow. and yup i'm going to camp in the reading room tomorrow and make it productive for once. and twin's away @ msia until saturday (i hope i'll have a nice present!) and i don't miss twin.

it's a late night, just like any other late nights. but tonight i hear weird croaking by creatures out there. we often fail to notice things that pass us. somehow it seems to me these creatures are making a melody of their own out there.

different people have different ways of reciprocating to songs, either heard of or never before.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

i think i just gg-ed myself by taking grade8 next year.

in life, we always gotta keep learning, learn how to keep up with times, learn how to communicate, learn how to be efficient. it's a steep learning curve, but you don't just stop there. it's only the beginning. yet it marks the ending of something, something old and deemed not useful now. yet tis something has always been part of you.

recently i've been intrigued by many events which surrounds me. but i'd prefer to take things in stride, to see and learn 'cause we should never judge.

sometimes all you need is a force to start a momentum.

on a lighter note, dimsum buffet later! :D gloria is like starving herself now hahahahaha. okay, time to work.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

it's ironic how everything on earth works, that each and every single thing reaches an equilibrium now.

Monday, June 02, 2008

ruiwen is such a loser she's going to fail blocks woohoo!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

HAHAHA. back from my cousin's 21st bday celebration. these are the times when you wish ADRIEL LAM is there because i've got nobody to talk to so i just stone there and doze off etcetc. i began to wonder how will my 21st bday be like. this year i'm definitely not having a party 'cause i realised you can never entertain everyone!

eh, 茶理斯豆 thanks ah!

ruiwen says:
go during end of yr HAHAHA i think ocip makes ppl a better person >.<
ruiwen says:
but my mum was like no amount of ocip can make me a better person like wthhh!
charis, says:
wth she knows you damn well
charis, says:
HAHA
ruiwen says:
WTH
ruiwen says:
omg
ruiwen says:
-.-

HAHAHA. WIN ALR. OMGGGG!