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Saturday, January 31, 2009

After coming back from my dad's side family dinner, I don't seem to understand why people have those disapproving tones. SHRUGS. And I was super shocked that my grandma's sister's son and his gf broke up after SEVEN YEARS... tsks! He's 26 now. >.<

ANYWAY fac dance day + homework day today! HAHAHA I HATE VECTORSSSSS. And renice is damn noisy and funny when she does homework she keeps talking to herself! LOL. And I learnt 10000 ways of operating my camera :\ And PP is gonna kill me soon after all-the-things-you-don't-wanna-find-out-about-what-i-did-during-fac-dance-filming. JIAHAN IS PROUD TO HAVE A CT REP LIKE ME! LOL.


Saw this at shilbe's lj! Was showing it to bestbud it's damn nicely written (:

Tristan: Come with me. Come with me!
Isolde: I can't!
Tristan: Why not? Please!
Isolde: Tristan, we both know this can't be, we've known it from the start. That doesn't mean it isn't true, it is, it just cannot be. I want to know that you're alive somewhere thinking of me from time to time. I want to know that there's more to this life and I can't know that if they kill you. Please! Go.

Isolde: Yesterday at the market, I saw a couple holding hands... and I realized we'll never do that. Never anything like it. No picnics or unguarded smiles. No rings. Just... stolen moments that leave too quickly.

Isolde: Know that I love you Tristan. Wherever you go, whatever you see. I will always be with you.
[his last lines]
Tristan: You were right. I don't know if life is greater than death. But love was more than either.


another week flashed past just like that. (i wanted to use flew but light flashes across at the speed of 3 x 10^8 m/s ) HAHA! >.<

yesterday was stupid because we followed the monday timetable and AS A RESULT school ends at 3.30 and then i just slept through h3 'cause we didn't have the notes. and fac dance after that AHHHHHHH crash course for the 3rd and 4th song i love SAY ONE SAY TWO SAY YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO! :D then stayed back to try the partner part with gwl but obviously it failed because he is not my partner LOL. EILEEN IS DAMN PATIENT IN TEACHING ME OMGGG <3333

today was okie dokie HAHAHAHAHA seriously never attempt 08 and 09 dance at ONE GO my legs were totally wobbly towards the tradition song but after that i suddenly can sing in choir >.< the power of exercises!



WOOHOO GO EVERYONE :D BRING IT ON!


i think i'm gonna go crazy soon! HAH


I came across this film called Deception and one of the quoted lines is "When you're in this world, no one is who they seem and everyone is playing the game." I think this says it all... in some way or another.
-

TODAY WAS A BLAST!!!! :)) FONG'S HOUSE IS LIKE MY DREAM HOUSE NOW. OMG! 5 STOREYS + I LOVE HER ROOFTOP GARDEN AND SWING AND GUITAR HERO AND I NOW HAVE A BLISTER HAHAHA! AND RAVING RABBITS IS WOOHOO! THE FOOD IS OMG RESTAURANT CLASS HER PARENTS ROCKS! AND THEN HAGENDAZS@SIGLAP WITH FAC COMM WAS GOOOOOOD OMG STRAWBERRY :D THOUGH NO LINK... HAHAHA AND MS TEE'S HOUSE AND XBOX + HER SCARY DOGS! I LIKE NEW YEAR MAN. AFTER 2 BORING DAYS, THIS IS THE DAY :)

which is why i'm dead now trying to study chem HAHAHA. at arenes already!!!!!


Maybe I am wrong.

But the worst thing is to know that you're wrong, to know that it's an endless pit, yet give so much of you.


i need to guard my heart. someone has always been right to tell me not to trust people too much these days. :D


OKAY LEFT WITH ONE THOUSAND MILLION THINGS TO DO BECAUSE I KEEP TELLING MYSELF ITS CNY o.O I'm beginning to love myself more when I'm nua >>> productive because in the end it's still the same old story.


I THINK BEING NUA IS DAMNNNN GOOD. >.< AS NUA AS MARSHMELLOWS!

I'm counting my angbao money and I lost count halfway so I can't be bothered now.

AHAHA. I think it's damn cute to see babies grow up and becoming thinking individuals and each effort by the parents is backed by a motive to make them a better individual. :D

Having this super funny conversation with ngweihan since 8+ and it's damn funny I keep laughing to my phone until the extent that I think my mum thinks I'm going crazy LOL LOL LOL


I was left with pretty much thoughts after tonight's dinner.

First, I can never understand how adults always seem to use us, as measures of their success as parents or for their pride. Needless to elaborate.

Second, I feel so strongly that the feeling of being able to whip up a family fiesta for reunion dinner is truly remarkable... With so many dishes laid out, tasting nice, and everyone eating together. HAHAHA. I began to wonder if one day I would get to derive satisfaction through such means :\

Third, I feel like I'm also racing against time. I don't have a very closely knitted paternal family to speak of. Yeah I do see my cousins more than one a year, I do see my grandma more than 5 times a year... EVEN though she was the one who brought me up for close to 10 years since I was a baby when my parents abandoned me for their work, and I remain grateful to her for having brought me up in the best manner she could, even though she's not educated herself, but she taught me far more than any education could have possibly taught me. And my grandmother's mother is still alive even though she's super old and doesn't even know I exist (old people tend to forget more). I wanna grow up and do something for my grandma... time being the most important factor.

I WONDER HOW REUNION DINNERS WILL BE LIKE , SAY 10 YEARS FROM NOW. No more big families around small tables. Perhaps the other way round.

这种感觉很不好受。











(: , <3


梦境是现实的倒影
发觉自己那么害怕
在梦里哭得那么凄惨


Initially, I was having a bad feeling about CNY street stall and stuff and choir performance because everything just doesn't seem right to me. It's not even something within expectation, especially the street stall and seeing how everything seems to go wrong HAHAHA. But I must say I love the CNY atmosphere on the carpet, and HAHAHAHHA going around to plead/force/ask people to buy JELLIES from our class!!! We have a whooping fabulous profit of $132.30 :D:D:D:D SO PROUD OF OUR CLASS..... HAHAHA. The funniest I can remember is my nice cousin buying 5 packets from me, luther buying 1 whole box for $2 and he ate the whole thing, yongquan getting conned by me for buying 69's marshmellows at a resale price of $2 when I bought if for $1, the staring war with wl 'cause he simply refuses to buy jellies from my class BUT obviously I won, and chai going about how amusing it is to see me sell things LOL I think I'm talented! HAHAHA. jkjk :D

Then it was lao yu sheng which was freaking hilarious because we all decided to attack HIROFAT and then clement got his deserved karma with sticky and smelly uniform! BUT YAYYYY 23/25 of the class was lao-ing yusheng :D gy had to fetch his dad from airport so yeah. HAHAHA. AND GOING ARND TO TAKE PICS I think I made huijuan's day TOTALLY hahahaha!!! jkjk:D I HAVE NO IMPACT ON HER LIFE AT ALL LAH:( HAHAHA. Then it was class lunch which became fish&co and surprise xiangjing and kahwee and they were made to stand on this super tall chair with a sparkler in their hand! :D And went to FOUNTAIN OF WEALTH (yeah man we're all gonna get rich in the moomoo year) and camwhored and walked 'round the fountain HAHAHA. Then walked around and had a DAMN FUNNY time at TOYRUS! It's seriously imba... EILEEN IS DAMN PRO! HAHAH xD

Then left for fac cip recee which was hmmm not as successful as the previous one. Dinner's on Ms Tee at kfc HAHAHAHA wl is so totally f-a-t. :\ Then when it ended we went to buy water and renice INSISTED on filling up lucky draw form to win 1,000,000 >.<>elsons . he requested me to take photos of him. HAH.

Forgot to mention how my neighbours always make my day! Two kids from the next next next door. They're just SO CUTEE and even though everytime I reach home soooo late and being frustrated, sad, irritated, tired and all, the stuffs they say never fails to make me laugh with them and their child-like innocence just brings so much hope and joy into my life even though it lasts only for a short time. <33333! The oldest's 6 this year and the youngest is 3 or 4 I think. HAH :D


how every action has consequences.

and how we ought to gear towards directions, and living without regrets.

embracing and taking step outs takes quite alot.


i wish for more turning points and breaks,
selfchecks to make sure you're not lost in the middle of no where,
brought so high up and thrown from above,
straddle between heaven and hell,
question everything not to be answered.
-




anyway happy birthday zhoupaopaothelaoren and leonard :D


i'm in a i feel like killing myself mood.

seriously, i don't even know why my mood has been so foul recently i just flare up at everyone.

and for a stupid thing i did today i think i deserve to bang the wall.


i wonder what acceptance really means.

and what use does deliberate change serves.


Nobody said it was going to be easy. And nobody knew it was not going to be easy.

What about becoming someone you don't recognise, trying to become an imagination..

This time, I realised something more about myself which no one helped me to realise.


河底的力量。

车子快速地在路上奔跑……但是刹车器却坏了，车子掉进河里。而我却不停地挣扎，想要逃离困境。但是，车子越陷越深，沉入河底。你会怎么做？

我会等待车子沉入河底，虽然过程很痛苦，也不是没个人都能忍受的，但当车里河车外的水压指数一样时，这时候车门就能打得开……这时候你就能开见更好的日子。


went down for fac cip recee (yes by now everyone will know it's at bedok this year:D ) on thursday evening. the best part of it was that my gwl sabu and i walked freaking long to get to the block!!! >.< from blk 100+ to blk 400+ HAHAHA when everyone else reached their destinated blocks.

what struck me was when this old man from one of the units we visit... i wonder if when we grow up, when we are in our 70s, when we lose our families and relatives and friends because everyone pass away, will we be in a sort of deng si mood too. didn't know how to console/approach his statements. i could tell he wanted to whine and talk to us more about the state of his life, but we had to go.

then i stupidly rejected mr teo's car's offer HAHAHA and ended up at home at 1030 and some old pig thinks i will get pignapped (WOW NEW VOCAB WORD) LOL.

which explains why i couldn't write anything for gp timed assignment the next day which was yesterday. the questions were!!!!!!!! then minx sang ponyo for me during the test HAHAHAHA then ms claire tan was staring at us xD okay i realised i'm an idiot for languages i couldn't learn ponyo even till now.

going back to the recee place to help out at the RC later!


i'm so excited for chinese new year because i get to stone at people's houses and that's better than lack of sleep. just need one pair of heels + jeans to last me through. YES.


Perhaps I haven't visited such a sucky feeling for a long time, now that I revisit this nonsensical emotion, I feel more angry at myself than anything else.

As much as I try to convince myself that this year will work out, apparently it isn't going to, at least without much emotional rollercoasters it wouldn't. It's the third day of school and yadadada I'm feeling super shagged from reaching home so late yesterday after an expensive dinner + formals + seeing many cambodia pictures and mr teo printed out all of them for us omgggg!!! :D:D Recee tomorrow night for fac cip HAHAHAHAA. Anyway the photos are damn funny and the video montage was <3333333333 and I was damn sad 'cause I ate one xiaolongbao only. LOL.

Yeah but I was totally feeling dead today. And if this goes on I don't know what will happen HAHAHAHA I'm actually thinking of dropping h3 before it even starts 'cause.......... I don't know. NOW I REGRET ABOUT SMU ECONS LIKE DAMNIT I should have believed in myself more and went for it it's only ONE DAY COMPARED TO !!!!!!!!!!!

I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO CARRY ON NO MATTER WHAT :(

OH and cedar did so super duper well for O's there's this class who got 7.0 for l1r5 like !!!!!!!!!! that's damn imba, seriously. And the breaking of cedar's history. HAHAHA.

There's alot of things that I want to say but I don't know how to start with. Anyway, I think I'm never and will never be good at figuring people out and it sucks because there are things I want to know and hold on to.


tortoises are good too!


we've done so many things in our entire 17 years of life. so many that they become uncountable.


but what is it at the end of the day...


what have you gained?


YAYYYE tomorrow is the first day of school :D at least i still have this tinge of excitement within me because having school officially is better than going back to school everyday despite it being called the HOLIDAYS... okay maybe i'm really turning workaholic :\ i mean, okay, if i really turn up in school tomorrow morning i will either be super early (like earlier than chai kind of early) or i will be seen running towards high school hoping i'm not late. but past experiences tell me that i will normally be very early 'cause ITS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL WHAT T.T

i'm feeling super cold since morning i still hate tuitions in the morning but at least it's 12+ now and i feel that i've achieved something in the morning.


很多地方，无意间变成了很多人的游乐场


where nothing else matters.



so, sadly that apparently everything else matters on earth.


sophie said i was wise yesterday! :O

HAHAHA okay that isn't the point. the point of this post is to show how suay one can get

i wanted to revamp itunes = transfer the remaining 3 gig of songs back to my laptop from my old comp standing since i was p4
i wanted to install printer onto my laptop
but i forgot my laptop cd drive already spoilt

so i switched on my old comp and wanted to copy the software into a thumbdrive. and tada it switched off on me immediately = probably spoilt and = i cannot print from anywhere = my printer becomes fei and my songs are gone and GRRRRRRRR i'm pissed off.

what to do.

how life plays with you. HAHA

and i can't send my laptop to repair 'cause it will probably take super long + i need emails these days to do work.
so basically it's all my fault that i forgot to tell my parents to send it to repair while i was in cambo. damnit >.<

and i'm still stuck at sequences and series because i don't even understand the question. HAHA.


woke up with a super small left eye HAHAHAHA for that short moment of time i thought i'm gonna go blind 'cause i see this line of thing across my eyeballs then i thought the contacts tore while i was taking them out yesterday night or something >.< it's still sore now but ahhhhhhh

okay so my cousin's going into army soon. guess it will kinda suck.

i want to
1. revamp my itunes
2. move my printer and connect it to my laptop in my room

sometimes the world just seems so crude, so bent in making things fall apart.

/edit oh wow 4 hours of tutorial on monday SERIOUSLY.... HAHA. i'm gonna finish up the last bit of hol hmwk i intend to do by tonight even if i don't sleep >.< that's highly unlikely seeing that i sleep so much throughout the hols that if i dun get enough sleep now i will start getting headaches (not the type that made me squat in toilet 'cause i couldn't stand up) but just the feeling of hotheaded-ness and i will start thinking i'm too stressed even before the school year officially begins and then i will start watching more teevee to "DESTRESS" and then my mum will ask me casually if GONG KE ZUO WAN LE MA and i will go like ZUO BU WAN DE then she will just shake her head but she always fails to understand how immensely difficult it is to finish any piece of holiday homework. we were discussing about the art of educating and teaching a child yesterday. HAHAHA.

anyway, was at popular today. i remember how i will always buy new stationaries/files whenever school reopens... and today i'm proud of myself because my new file for the year is worth 50cents! i've decided that since i'm so messy and fond of stuffing everything together there's no point of having a nice file to sort everything. so yay to myself >.<


today was fac dance again and yayyyyye we learnt two songs :DD even if we still can't dance well HAHAHA but can't dui bu qi eileen later she stop teaching us >.< missed apollo's fac dance @ rua grahhh. and high sch stops selling papaya milkshake after 2 what is this !!!!! HAHAA to think we were looking forward to renice and paopao and daoyuan and shiqi coming back with them :(

i agree with huijuan hotmail is super irritating now lah!!!!!!! but i hate gmail too. was sending out sponsorships letters this morning and it took me 5 min to find COMPOSE MAIL. what is this man >.<

okay looks like i'm gonna come home very late next week HAHAHA

/edit

saw this on jamie's blog

Anyway, something related to that. Would you do something even if you know there is little of hope of achieving something? Like you know it would probably be futile at the end of the journey. I was thinking about how Cinderella still decided to attend the ball in spite of knowing that she has to be back by 12 and she will not get to dress up after 12 anymore. After 12, it is back to doing the household chores again. Well, why is it that people still do stuff despite knowing that the chances for success are well, close to zero?

maybe, but maybe you just want to do it. but don't we all live with regrets haha it's become such a huge part of everyone's lives



明知道不可以

EILEEN'S EARPHONES ARE DAMN PRETYY! GOSH :D HAHA.

i think my ability to communicate effectively in english has dropped significantly (not that it was good to start with) since we came back from cambo. i start speaking in chinese to everyone i see lah GG!

time for doxycycline! :D


i feel as if my brain is exploding now i feel worse than when i'm drunk or something lah -.- fancy waking up at 8 for tuition my gosh why must they put wo cai at such an unearthly hour!!!!!! :( i actually thought my mum's shoutings for me to wake up was part of my dream. -.- the scary thing is waking up and finding things gone, like poof and the bubble bursts. it reminds me of the bubbles solution mr sng gave us for childrens day present (i think).


why do they disappear.


/edit

i totally respect gohweileong now he's in taiwan and still cares about fac intro + homework. HAHAHA.


i figured out having lots of things at hand isn't THAT bad afterall. keeps me occupied. one year ago i'm getting jitters over whether i will make it to hc. one year later i'm (abit) dreading school. i think i've watched all the nice hongkong shows on earth so there's none left and i can't start anymore new shows if not i will just get myself into trouble OH NO i'm ranting >.<

and who's to decide who stays and who lives, who survives and who dies.

I ALWAYS END UP FEELING SAD AFTER CHI ZI ZHI XIN.

真心假意


was talking to best bud about stuffs and damnit i think i made best bud sink into depression HAHAHAHA 'cause i think too much bleah oh no >.<

i figured out irrationalism only pops into my dictionary once in a while.

anyway yes man is a damn good movie!! :D even though i didn't think it seems how jamie had put it across -.- HAHAHAHA. whee back to GP i'm so amazed at how i can ANYHOW do things so i chiong-ed till i'm left with two more exercises WOOOOOO i'm gonna try to attempt to finish physics by this sun so woohoooo i can revise! :D


TODAY IS FRIDAY! :D / ):

Yesterday was incredibly funny, went over to my grandma's and found out she cut up 12 notes of $10 while making goldfishes out of angbaos. Alhtough I must admit it's quite funny, we were all laughing about it, it reminded me of how scary aging can be, when you start to lose energy, vibe, (even though she's into dance and wu shu now HAHAHA I have a funky grandma!), and I thank God that at least she's still healthy even though her physical abilities may be slower and stuff... I think the worst is to lose memories, memories of people, happenings, loved ones, schooling days, marriage days. And then suddenly I realised that her hair is whiter than before (even if she's proud of it 'cause it's all white now, she never bothered to dye anymore)... and she was so happy over the stuffs which include a scarf, multipurpose purse and pillow cases that I bought from Cambodia even though they're not really worth that much money. >.<>.< I'm thankful for this family even though sometimes I'm not happy and my friends<3 and fac comm and 08s6b and most importantly, God.

And I learnt that video call is a damn cool function on MSN I finally found a USE for the useless webcam ahhhhhhh I still can't believe my laptop is full of so much useless functions the most useless of all times being the fingerprint scan! And then spent alot of time listening to some grade8 guitar player HAHAHAHAHAAA and showing off soft toys whee I love pigs! :D

I was thinking about last year, and it's true to say I've discovered parts of me that I never knew are parts of me. Whatever it is, I think 2008 - 2009 are progressive years, can't decide to take any changes since they will have great repercussive consequences. And I hate the mentioning of this word... haha cambodia made me realised even more that I'm not someone who really thinks before doing anything, most of the times I'm guided by feelings, or just simply (if put into nicer words) 潇洒, if not just someone who's like a dumb block and couldn't be cared much less about anything else except doing what I feel like doing. SO THIS YEAR I WILL THINK MORE. And I never realised so much about how people come and go haha.

AHH I was telling my mum stuffs that happened in kindergarten back in cambo then I felt like crying!!!!! >.< I guess no matter how much I try I won't see for myself the same kind of laughter anymore this year. Not that I'm pessimistic, but more things ahead NO JOKEEEE.


i'm so boreddddd but i'm supposed to be busy. :( TRYING TO DO GPPPPP because it's so annoying. i finished the alchemist and end up finding almost every page folded because the words hit me so hard.

yesterday was funny to the max, with pyjamas during watchnight service :\