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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

it dawned on me that i have no one to ask me to stop studying/mugging anymore and just dao and go sleep. not like i have the time to, but yeah. haha. this period is zomgggggg hectic! and crazy and blah blah my cough evolved into difficulties in breathing. but if i can walk out of this... maybe.


IM GETTING HUNGRY LOOKING AT ALL THE FOOD ONLINE :(

gg already giddy spells are back and have been here since last night. HAHAHA.

sometimes, putting on a smile when you're so jaded is difficult but you just gotta do it


maybe, i'm not as strong as i think i am.

like, I AM ITCHING TO GET AN IPOD NANO :( 8gig for $248! see how times have deteriorated, me and char bought 2 gig for $348. a few years ago YES DID I MENTION MY IPOD BROKE DOWN BECAUSE I DIN CHARGE IT FOR 2 MONTHS. HUR HURRRRRR. !(@(#**@(!)!___ BUT ITS DAMN WASTE MONEY, since i'm thinking of changing phone after A's end, like a really really nice, pink and gorgeous phone :D and yesss i found motivation to work after A's (yeah i'm DAY dreaming it's in the day now!!) because i think you can earn quite alot of $$$$$$$.

i like the sound of mambo now it's so percussive at certain parts and it sounds like beatbox:D


yeah i'm supposed to be studying "olly go poly" now :(


can't slip through the pain.
you're right, i'm not worthy to be called a friend.


只是很累很累，到哪都可以睡。最忙最累的日子应该过了，但是接下来玩得会更多，读的书也会更多，最近心情特别差，简直要疯掉了。受伤，康复，本来就是自然现象。有些事情想通了，虽然心里还是有一根刺，但是没办法，日子还是依然得这样过下去呀。跌倒了，爬起来，也是种自然现象。但是也清楚地知道，人生之能往前看，后悔只是一部分，只是一中插身而过的感觉，

会过去的。

现在的我最需要坚强与勇气，和相信自己的力量。


yayyyye i shall complete programmes proposal tonighttt :D HAHA. anyway, forgot what i was doing for this entire week, lessons lessons more lessons more fac dance more dramafeste say HELLO to pop :D and GOODBYE to a busy week, and HELLO to the next one coming!

perhaps this is a good way. i'm so busy i can't even catch up with anything around me = becoming more numb = good therapy :D HAHA. thanks people for trying to cheer me up and asking if i'm okay but i will tell you no straightaway but HAHA i think i'm good at self-therapy still give me a week and i will be back to normal. what's wrong with me :( stop being so stressed HAHAHAHAHAAAAA life has more to offer than this. i sound self-delusional. but it does!

and through all this i realised that i'm a very selfish person. gloria says who isn't selfish. cos she thinks she is too. but damnit arghh this is a bad topic!

random but i think our junior class is damn cute EXCEPT for the elson and ruiwen thing -.-


I THINK IM BECOMING A CRYBABY. HAHAHA. GOOD JOB TO MYSELF.


WHOOKIE DOOKIE :( I think I am so pathetic that I need to take MC from choir JUST SO THAT I HAVE TIME TO SEE MY DOCTOR :( and freak i have 5 medicines now.

I THINK IT FEELS GREAT TO CRY IT ALL OUT. BUT IT SUCKS WHEN YOU STOP CRYING, you know you just have to stop crying and MOVE ONNNNNNNN.

Today was a wonderful day because I redid 10 times of inverted burette experiment after school. Don't ask why. If you wanna know you can go ask anyone who was in the same lab as me including lijie charmaine coco weiming >.<


to do :

study econs for 2 hours
do gp for 1 hour
catch up with h3 lecture for 1 hour
write angel mortal letter tmr morn

which means i can sleep by 12, HOPEFULLY.


but just hang in there, and have faith that everything will be alright. no one said holding back tears was an easy feat.


We often question why do we do certain things... But sometimes there is no absolute need for such questions. We do things simply because we feel like it, there's no doubt. We do things simply out of manifested emotions. The more you try to analyse things, the more complicated it gets, and you find yourself being stuck in an endless cycle of thoughts. But sometimes you find the reason of everything being so simple, so pure.

Best bud ever asked me before, why restrain myself. I don't know either. Life gets so tensed up, but I'm enjoying this tightness in life. Weihan concluded she wants a simpler life after all of this comes to a "proper" closure. But none of anything gets as good as this, when you face everything as a challenge... It seems lik an endless roadrun. Such surges in adrenaline levels are unbeatable.

I was wondering if I need a rest somehow, and yes I do. I don't know how much further I can go.. but I will :) Meanwhile, thank God for practically everything, this whole amazing orientation, wargames, 08s6b, 09s6b, fc, and people who will always be there.

I think I'm overparanoid but I'm beginning to doubt my abilities in selfstudying since missing lectures really don't help. Been trying to read through math vectors since yesterday but I still don't understand DAMN LOADS of it. GG. lol.

I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT, WAITING FOR STH TO HAPPEN WHICH NEVER WILL.


because at the end of the day, it will be worth it <333 sacrifices, as long as i think they're worth it :D i think orientation was great :D:D:D:D:D

HAHAHA that's provided i don't suck at BT1... so i should stop wasting time and make good use of the rare time that i have.

sometimes we don't habour hopes for fear of losing them. but hopes and dreams are what keeps us alive.


So ... the blue flame was burning within our hearts even if the physical one didn't manage to light up yesterday night.

All I can say was that yesterday was a BLAST :D Sorry for looking dead just before campfire I really was dying of terrible headaches and YAYYY<3 to our junior class for their splendid performance :D:D:D we had 4 generations of s6b yesterday. HAHAHA. and our class + jnr class was singing together!!!!!!! Was feeling particularly emotional about the song lyrics. Maybe it's just me. HAHAHA.

AND I AGREE WITH JEREMYLIMJUEMIN, we only emerge stronger after all of this, and this is just the beginning of our term this year......... we still have a long long way to go (: Even though this week was really physically and mentally tiring, the smses come in and warms your heart so much :D Everyone 1 of the 17 of us <333 It only gets better in time :D AND YAYYY FAC DANCE :D


STAY STRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

sometimes your heart tells and your mind just don't coordinate.

AND FREAK LAH I GOT WOLF CLAWS SUNBURNT MARK. LOLLL. WAR GAMES WAS QUITE FUN TODAY :DDD


i think when you grow older, you'll become more wary of being stabbed at the back. you give more thought to things instead of receiving them as they come.

which may prove to be a rather sad part of life.


we just have to make this better!!!!!!!! :D

tied 1000 water bombs with FC today!!!! it was super funny and sherry added to lots of drama and LOLLLLLLLLL mixing the pool of blue water with legs + carrying pails which will definitely result in arm and back ache and what not + dirty and wet pants shirts socks shoes >.< HAHAHAHA. who leads such a jc life man!

with no regrets.

i think what kaiming said really touched me today even though i don't feel alot of what he said. yayyyyyy junior class is (Y) :D


while waiting for file transfer 12.7mb LOL

- i still am largely an optimistic person
- judgemental
- believes in intuitions
- was recalling how we even start using the class bench
- was reflecting about how to make jnr class bond
- rationalise things alot
- couldn't be bothered about most other stuff
- worry unnecessarily
- have a fickle mind can't stick to the original stuffs
- wants to change for the better
- likes ct orientation more this year
- still can't rmb juniors' names
- wants JTS soon
- can run when i want to HAHAAHA botanic gardens was damn funny we walked all the way from near orchard road to ccab and reached sch at 6.30pm
- should start being responsible in more things
- can't pose on stage for nuts
- what caught me was that i fear the stage abit >.<
- should learn to be more thick skinned!
- FAC DANCE AH WOOOOO!
- will hang in there until the end of this week
- <3 FC!


TODAY was choir + fac dance + lunch @ SIM + informals + talk crap + camwhore + laughing at what people do on a saturday afternoon with balls + not doing physics which i intended to do in school HAHA

concluded that dancing IS NOT easy and never will! gosh..... damn tired and then weihan and i decided to run short sprints towards poolside (obviously i suggested it >.< ) then died then ahhhhhhh it wasn't opened so visited SIM for the first time the food sucks i hate the horfun + boarding school is BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! :D informals then hahahaha WAR GAMES omg damn funny anyway then began to take a series of photos which are close up for fac comm intro which failed 15 times at least and then helping gwl take javelin position photos o.O sabu was having mass shitting in toilet outbreaks >.< LOL. oh during lunch eileen started this "will u carry ur gf's handbag for them" discussion which left jeremy damn irritated, HAHA.

YAYYYYYYYYY now i'm dead i feel nua3 :(

was looking at mr teo's desktop's screensavers OMG recommend everyone to look at it, even though we didn't see the whole slideshow but what we saw (eileen + wh + i ) was IMBAAAA, simply amazing and astonishing it just takes your breathe away and you can only go OMG OMG OMG WHAT THE. heaven is a place on earth. sometimes it's the smallest moments in life that takes your breathe away. sometimes it's the simplest things that make you feel like this is all you need in life.

we know we should stop dreaming.


It's been a year and I think everyone changed so much. Sometimes we don't detect the changes because we live with ourselves everyday, and people closest to us live with us everyday, enough to adapt fully to our changes.

I'm missing orientation days, missing the days when we had seniors, when we had to sit on the floor everyday because our seniors sit on the chair haha not that they bully us, missed the times when I'm still happy and ignorant, missed the times when fun >>> anything else, the times when this whole big bunch of cedar people will gather together in the morning and come school super early, missed the times without responsibilities, missed the times when singing was just singing, missed the times when I reach home at an earthly hour. I HATE THE NOISE LEVEL THE J1S CREATE MAN. I miss the serenity of the landscape of tombstones in Cambo, cycling on half rotten bikes whilst the sun sets.

Then we realise how inreversible and inevitable some things are. I can't decipher the fake and the real sides anymore.
We know nothing yeah. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper and I'll never get up anymore... It's an endless pit. HAHAHA. Actually I don't know what I'm talking about either. I'm just confused x 1000.

Interlocked.


ANYWAY HAHAHAHAHA TODAY IS MY 2ND EARLIEST DAY HOME SINCE SCHOOL STARTED. YAYYYY. WHICH EXPLAINS MY GENERALLY GOOD MOOD NOW. I SHALL START CHIONGING NEXT WEEK'S HOMEWORK LATER. Going down to buy dessert! :D

I seriously hope my cousin doesn't screw up in pcme if not I will feel bad. I told him to keep his options open. HAHAH.

Choir tmr at 9-12 then fac dance then informals then grandma house for buffet XD


when you believe, maybe we just gotta make the best of it, no matter how harsh circumstances may be. it really all boils down to how much heart and soul you wanna put into something. then maybe, maybe. i really want to make this good, and step down without any regrets that anything could have been better.

i love my best phrase of today ! "心里的心里面" i think deep deep down inside we all have an idea of things going on around us, just that we don't voice it out. it's amazing somehow.

I HATE DARK EYE RINGS


and don't remind me HAHAHAHA i hate blocks! :(

artemis fac blog has 16000 hits, double since the blog was revamped! :D

fac dance is WOOHOO!!!!!!!! which explains the state of my voice now...

just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!

the best choice i've made was to take half a year of h3, the worst being i didn't apply for econs !#)@*#*(@!)!_ now that i think of it... i might have gotten in :( was having this really long talk with yuyue because we didn't run during PE (YAYYYY MY CONVERSATIONAL CHI ROCKS WOOHOO!)

and i have damn alot of things to do nowwwwwwwww like get numbers for big restaurants and call them + h3 tutorial which is wthhhhhhhhhomgdununderstandanything + gp + phy -.-


I WILL WORK HARDER :(

I'm still thinking about the scene from chi zi zhi xin yesterday... when Li Encheng couldn't move his right hard anymore... and there goes his career as a surgeon.

I can't stand tragic scenes.


有时候，当我们尝试安慰自己，说是“绝对”不会发生，“绝对”不可能这样，但事情往往相反……

在刹那间，发觉有些东西对自己是那么重要，但也在同一瞬间是去的感受，应该很痛吧。

忍着，因为也只能这样。成长就是这样。


i've been thinking about believing in what you really are.

there are different kinds of people in this world and i think i belong more to the "i only wanna put my heart and soul into something that i want to", why i would want to do it is another issue altogether... but i think it's too tiring trying to make everything good and well done all the time. but perhaps i don't have that energy and vibe to do so. LAO LE! i need to start finding other sources of energy. HAHA.