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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Beautifully imperfect.




Seeing how screwed I am, with some 6 chapts of chem notes to write, 3 of physics, 2 of econs. IF THIS WAS LAST YEAR, everything would have been done by now.

I'm still figuring out the best possible way to attempt on H3. Doesn't help when you are just not talented with arrows and charges...... HAHAHA.

I OWE DAMN ALOT OF PEOPLE BIRTHDAY PRESENTS, DAMN.

hmmmmm

I guess, it's about how you go about reacting to different situations.


I WANT TO DO WELL, BADLY.

Maybe to boost my ego ahead of A's since this is like a pre-determining step, maybe to prove to myself that nothing is based on circumstances, and that my life only gets better from now... HAHAHA :D


WHATEVER IT IS. IM GONNA DISAPPEAR FROM CYBER SPACE VERY SOON.


PIGS ARE THE BEST THINGS ON EARTH :D HAHA.



I've got 30days to make blocks alright. AS LONG AS NOTHING BECOMES WORSE THAN BLOCKS 1!!!


Yesterday afternoon was one the best times recently... Having charmaine in front of me just... makes us continue talking. HAHAHAHA.

I felt aptly weird in Cedar's compound today. Afterall, this was not where we came from. IT FEELS WEIRD SEEING SOOOOO MANY GIRLS all at once. But guess what, the best thing is that you can be spastic+funky+crazy+loud+yourself without having to think twice 'cause everyone is like that.....

Novabelle says, when you go out to work after A's, you'd probably think that school is such a sheltered environment. Not sure if I'll be able to take those shit, but I'd guess the best we can do is to really have fun for the last 4/5 months in school...

6 years down the road, I'm still afraid of expectations from others !)@*$&!@_!


H3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3, like I've said, it marks the beginning.


Maybe the world keeps changing, and the only thing we can do is the adjust ourselves to these different circumstances.

WEIHAN YOU HAVE BEEN THE ONE OF THE BESTEST PERSON IN HWACHONG AND NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT<3


The need for closures seems more important these day.

One-third of these mere 18 years was spent singing. The feeling when we were singing in the dark was simply overwhelming. Maybe as Ms Lim puts it, there are some things you have to let go.

And when there's a will, there's a way.

Was thinking about how these 6 years were spent, and how 6 years passed by so quickly. And today I've found out that I've always and will always enjoy singing out of competition grounds. These are the music that is love.

Then I started thinking about the times Ms Chye scolds us since sec1, how we were erm, selected into choir... How the days for syf were, how we cry every other day, how we tried to hold each other up, how Gold never felt so peaceful, then how the sop2s in hc were always zhammed, how we pulled ourselves through and OMGGGG we can actually be heard so distinctly for Mambo on syf day, how froggies came about, we gratz felt so warm and shopping +hotel ibis HAHA, how tough syf was...

And then maybe, this journey has come to an end, a good one, a deserving one for this batch.

Maybe, it's an inherent nature that I always remember the good things more vividly than the bad.

With this, I thought tonight was truly enjoyable...... MAMBOMAMBOMAMBO :D


I feel like chopping off people's heads now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like, seriously -.-


To think it's been 10 hours since I've worked up and I'm still trying very hard to clear homework. BYEBYE H3 :(

Yesterday was Basketball Finals and I almost won my bet with Irene that I would fall asleep but HAHAHAHA there's too much to scream for >.< Dancenite was nice :D:D JIAHAN the pussy! Having the damn long talk with PNGHUIYI was nicer! :D

Sometimes I wonder how bankrupt I would be when PNGHUIYI gets married. All the things I promised to buy her her since young whenever we see nice things together !)#*$!)!_!#(@ You know, sometimes I really wish you were still in HC, life will be 10x better I swear. >.< OKAY maybe that was an understatement, say 100x better.

Colder, Hotter.


In every little thing.


After malfunctioning for 1 whole week, haha, it's time to pull up my socks literally >.<


I wonder how does it feels so real.


I'M DYING OF HEADACHE HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA


I NEED POSITIVITY FOR H3!!!! IT'S THE BIGGEST REGRET IN MY LIFE SERIOUSLY.


I hope this feeling goes for as long as it can, was whining to my mum about how A's is still so long ahead and 1)@*#*@(!_+@ I must study hard before I regret for the rest of my life. I trust that at this point in time my goal is still clear. SOMETIMES I don't even know what I want... Weihan says I will keep pia-ing for the remaining days when I'm still young. Maybe.

I felt out of place but amused today seeing junior fac comm at work, they're SUPER CUTE!! HAHAHA. Esp minron and danette... LOL.

It's good to keep in mind what you came in with, and make sure that you leave with even more brilliance, exceeding yourself and (maybe) others' targets.

Think I'm getting to caught up with wanting to do well for A's. I really do am. Was trying to think back about the days when we were slogging our hearts out for O's, but I guess at that point in time it was so simple as just to "get into HC, six points, join rioHC"... unexpectedly more things came in the way like not wanting to leave HC because 6B is so wonderful and still is! I remembered clearly how I cried since 9+ on the day O's was released because I was so afraid I couldn't do well enough to stay... (somehow you get this deja vu feeling that you didn't do up to your expectations, frankly, expected 8 or 9). So I don't want this regret anymore. I don't want to spend the night / day before A's are released worrying that I don't do well because I know it... The hardest thing is knowing you can and not doing it because you slack/want to sleep !(_#@(#$*!@_!


freak lah HAHAHAHA.


I guess times always come when you MUST decide what to do after 18...






1)#@(#*!(!_#(@*!!!!!

I HATE THIS SHITZX.


I DEMAND A TREAT FROM NG JUN HAO SAMUEL AND LENNIS SEOW!!! CONGRATS HAHA MY PRESENCE MUST HAVE HELPED!!! AND ZIJIE HAHAHAHA CHAMPION ALR LOR!



I like char's post :D Makes alot of sense to me. But it's these that makes up who we are today.

I feel like, just spending tonight quietly.


Maybe this will be hard, but we'll pull through this together and hello 7 distinctions AHAHAHAA.


I'M GONNA STOP BLOGGING/COMING ONLINE soon. I think Mr Chua's 30min talks occupying 1/4 of a tuition works. And I've decided to make everything work and stop slacking, stop falling asleep, stop finding easier ways out, stop letting myself continue swimming in this pool of mess. Maybe, to compensate for the regrets for O's but this has a different meaning altogether. It's also about putting your abilities and your mindset together.

SHITZ THIS SOUND LIKE A DAMN MUGGER POST :\


Chem SPA is over, at last!

These days I've been getting more distracted >.< but at the same time I've found back some momentum for finishing tutorials... The thought of 5th June just kills. BUT YAY I have faith in all the choir people that we will do well for h3 tgt HAHAHAHA. :D If not I'd let down my mum's $50 bucks and SWINECHU's efforts for buying that stupid organic chem book, grah.

And for that, the more I must stay focus HAHAHAHAHA and work harder :D :D YEAH :D I NEED MONETARY INCENTIVES FOR A LEVELS.


The worst will be over soon after SPAS end and h3 comes !

Today while waiting for my dad and having nothing to do, the juniors were asking me if I will be sad 'cause FC is stepping down and in one weeks' time, the new FC will be doing their introduction to the faculty. HAHA. Hj said it's time to let go, and we can prolly only leave them with the best passing down reports that we can do.

Maybe, we all get too used to hectic lifestyles... So you actually don't know what to do when you're slightly more free. Today is the nth day in the week that I reached home before 6 in this year. n being less than 7.

I figured I will be happier singing lullaby like we did the other day and when ms lim came in staring at us like omg-what-are-we-doing.

And I realised next friday is Ms Chye's farewell I swear eli is gonna kill me.



What if this was a dream.


I think when you learn to let go, and have less expectations, and just see how things flows by its own natural course, life may prove to be easier.

Letting go doesn't mean giving up. Sometimes I really thank God for this tinge of competitiveness in my blood, that I have such a big ego at the right times to serve as a source of motivation, and that I know that this period of time is immensely crucial and must be overcome at all costs. To emerge stronger, and better.

I'm just grateful for life which has so much to offer, for the good and the bad, because sometimes the bad does make us appreciate the good more, and the good simply makes life sweeter to hold.


We would like to think that we've often forgotten one thousand and one things. But sometimes these little details are merely buried within us. We need time to dig them out.

And for as long as it'd be.

Our last performance at VCH... The first time being there was concert in sec1... I remembered us singing masquerade and all the j1s who were lucky enough to sing were playing with the masks (in fact I still have some with me, forgot to return 2 yrs ago) :\ Was FB-ing when I came across a picture of the comm+ Ms Chye + some other ???? teachers. HAHA. Nostalgia always sets in when you're slightly free-er, or so you'd like to think you are. !)@*(#@(@)!_)@#@*! Sigh. VJ's concert this thurs! :D

TO HUIYI HAHAHAHA I MUST HAVE A SAY LOR :P

Hope they will win if not i seriously dui bu qi minx zijie lennis and samuel WHO OWES ME TWO BUCKS.

/edit
ANYWAY, the funniest thing just happened! went compasspoint for a haircut and i saw PNGHUIYI when she rejected me in the morning to go for haircut together -.- SO WE WENT TO CUT HAIR TOGETHER AFTERALL. :D AND THEN WE SAW CHARISTOH when zomg i was smsing charis -.- THEN WE STARTED TO TALK ABOUT SEC4 CLASSMATES. HAHAHAHA.<3 Seriously, the world is too small. AND PNGHUIYI is going to blame me for her fringe :( BUT ITS OKAYYY what are 12 years of friends for :D HAHAHA. we're too alike -.- AHEM AHEM.



Soon enough, I'll find back the momentum and no, it only gets better in time.


It's been one week since THE ODD BALL concluded.
It's been 6 days since SYF ended.

Within 1 week, so much have happened. And sometimes I cannot differentiate what's a reality and what's a dream anymore.

On mothers' day, my mum gave me a very kind reminder, that since everything is over, I should shift my focus back onto school work again.


ANYWAYYY ZZZZ haven't packed anything for choir later. Still doing h3 report... patricia was saying how perfectionistic I am to spend so long on PAINT to do a freaking mechanism diagram... HA HA HA >.< I HOPE IT WILL TURN UP GOOD. No matter what I write, its still 2 pages long -.-

/edit

tonight was spoilt. sigh.

it seems as if 1000 wires are tangled together.


On days like today, I feel much more adequate after Miss Lim's words. Popped by yitty's secret blog and realised how much choir has/had given me.

Am having mixed feelings about alot of things.#@*)$@(!

Somehow it's better when you're in control of yourself...


YAY to CO and BAND :D


There's no more time left, it's now or never. I want this inner drive back in me. :(
I don't like it that this must be such an important year and we cannot screw up.
I don't like it that there's nothing you can do even if you know this is true.
I don't like it seeing everyone gets stressed up and there's nothing you can do, really.
We all gotta pick ourselves up, somehow, somewhere, someday. And I know if I don't do so now, I'd probably never.
And how many more 18years do we have? Not alot, really...



I know what's beautiful looking at you.


Through all the good and the bad.


It's time to start on a new note, seeing that FC interviews are coming up which also means that we're stepping down soon and that Choir's approaching an end, an end with a blast, and that H3 exam is in less than a month's time and that I'm studying from Week1 of the course where I drifted off, it isn't gonna be easy.

And yes, because we've came so far with a bang, I hope this sat's performance would be good too :D

Time will simply pass so quickly for the coming months.

But I know at the end of the day it will all by fine :D :D


It's over.

I think we did enjoy our time on stage :D Mambo was funky~~

Just as I was stoning on the chair, waiting for results, there was this overwhelming fear after hearing so many GWHs being announced. It's hardwork+luck+anything else in the world you can think of but I'm glad we made it through after all the tears and emotional drainage.

Somehow I'm still feeling empty and unsettled :\

But anyhow. Was telling Denyse, thank God it isn't a second Gold if not our lives seriously damn shibai. HAHAHAHA.

Sing loud, Sing proud<3

It's all about the mindset. I liked it when Michael did the hand signal, pointing to your brains, mouth, diaphragm and heart. Reminds me of "heads and shoulders knees and toes!" Anyhow, it's a different kind of feeling altogether. I guess it differs from time to time, from Austria to Singapore...

As Andris put it across, the HwaChong seh-ness when you walk up to the stage.


Bye Bye SYF 2009.

Had dinner with all the j2 sops except yangliu shilbe yeeching(we found her later HAHAHA) elizabethng and rachieee. I THINK COKES HAVE THERAPETHIC EFFECTS AHAHAHA dinner was good :D Then went to find yunmin who retardedly made me and eli walk a whole big round stupid woman HAHAHA saw buddycherissa(!!!) and wp too :D:D SYFS are a good time to meet up and smallnicole and readon and eunice!!!


and <3333333 to everyone for their well wishes :D:D


I'm scared. I'm really scared. But I found the confidence in me the moment we started singing. It's this stage that makes me love where I'm standing at, that makes me feel proud of being 1 of the 64, that makes me find joy in singing and emotions playback with all the imagination of the context of the songs and all.

I remembered Austria, the good and the bad times. And yes, we deserve what we want and work towards to as long as we put in our very best without any regrets. Let the music in our heart flow, touch and seduce everyone sitting up and down there <3 And our seniors and God will be blessing us and ms lim from wherever they are. I remembered cherie saying how blessed a choir we are :D :D



On the other hand, I'M SUPER PISSED OVER WHAT ELI TOLD ME TODAY!(#&#((@)_@*!^!


我知道你一定会振作


Now, I've spent 6 hours doing NOTHING, except for typing an email and reading some econs notes. This feeling isn't getting the better of me.

Sometimes, you really don't need any reasons for the way you are.

I WANT MYSELF BACKKKK~~~~~


From Tuesday onwards, 山猪冲 :d


It doesn't sound that bad, really.

I'm just afraid of losing heart.

900 seconds sound scary.

I don't want History to repeat itself.




GRAH.

Staring at this pool of big mess.

"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be left with the heart."
-Helen Keller


不知道为什么，虽然现在感觉很累，很累，好象这一刻就躺在床上睡觉，但是心里总有一种莫名的空虚。

不敢想象一个月就这样“飞”过去。

这么容易地为了一点小事而笑，这么容易就因为墨中突发状况而感到苦恼，每天就像和时间和自己比赛。

结束了。

I like it best when Jeremy describes it in the somewhat 5 pages long sms... Really, sometimes it's the oddest things that keeps you going.


这不应该是一种负担

但是，有时真得太沉重了