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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I have to say this, 10 marks from econs is...

Terrifying.

So all the more it's triple all the way.

Have faith, have some faith. Eventually.

It has to be good.


I just woke up.

Sometimes I can't decipher between reality and dreams. The way I mistook my alarm for a person's ringtone in my dream and continued sleeping... Or simply because dreams must have been a subset of reality, at least to me, for without reality dreams wouldn't have existed.

IT STRUCK ME THAT I'll be 18 by midnight, saying byebye to the tedious 17 and hello to the tougher 18 I'll be facing. In essence, age has become nothing but numbers. It doesn't indicate how much you are, how mature you are, how capable you are of being self-reliant during times of adversity, or how tough you are at facing stress, or how determined you are at achieving certain life goals if there was any to start with. Probably it does have a tad bit of link... but it's not entirely directly proportional.

At 18, all I've left to ask for is a decent A's grades. Maybe, decent to me means something else. It encompasses regrets I've got from 2 years ago, new hopes and desires and motivations I've garnered throughout these 2 years.

By saying that, it's because I've already got the best gift in my life this year. :) And really, thank God from above even though none of our lives would ever be perfect.


WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO MY DIFFERENTIATION


1. REMEMBER THAT DY/DX OF Y = 2 IS ZERO

2. REMEMBER THAT DY/DX OF Y = 2COS 2X = - 4 SIN 2X


TADA.


I SLEPT TOO MUCH OF MY TIME AWAY.

BUT SLEEPING IS GOOD.

JUST THAT SLEEPING EXCESSIVELY GIVES YOU HEADACHES.

:(

Back to my book. Even though I truly wonder what merits does it give except to make me think about what gives the jury rights to take away someone's life. Even though it's not highly relevant to GP... heck >.<


Fight for what you believe in. YES I'M FINALLY GETTING PRE-EXAM BLUES. IT'S WORKING IT'S WORKING!!!!!!!! YAY.

I WAS SO NICE TO HELP ANABELLA SEAH XIN YI DOWNLOAD 10 DOCUMENTS JUST NOW FROM VJ PORTAL :D SO DO I DESERVE A TREAT MY DEAR? :D We could ask best bud to treat icecream at Hagen Daz again :) I'm good at exploitations!!

I need a good rest tonight :) Will read till I fall asleep. Reading is love! Except that the story has been emotionally taxing since the first page but ah well it makes me more emotional / a more developed thinking individual / hopefully capable of releasing my fullest thoughts during the crafting of a GP essay = beneficial for me!

I've learnt something recently, there are some things that you would just want to keep in your heart, and there's no need for boasting or anything... The way to happiness.


Aiyah I just have to do well for blocks, before I land myself into alot of troubles thereafter. I MUST I MUST I MUST! Patience in the key, there will be one day when I fully understand what I'm learning :D For now, revision is the key! And not giving up on myself because I won't allow myself to and neither would anyone else in this world.


I THINK... I'M NOT STRESSED ENOUGH. SO PROBABLY GOING TO ISP MAY HELP. !)2))#*_0*#!_

LIFE GOES ON AS USUAL, FAILING TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING, I'M THINKING WHAT HAPPENS IF I FORGOT TO WAKE UP ON MONDAY HAHAHAHAHAHA @ MYSELF. WHAT HAPPENS IF... BLOCKS GET SCREWED UP THEN I'M LIKE REALLY SCREWED UP BUT THANK GOD PRELIMS ISN'T OVER.












The wind is nice :D But I shall be a good girl and not fall asleep because once I do, I can just terminate my revision for chemistry because I will never ever finishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh once the sun falls >.<


I think I'm suffering from post O's depression.

I'm thinking about ways and strategies to maximise efficiency for Prelims... when Blocks haven't even started...

7 weeks - 1 week of slacking = 6 weeks + attending school. = 3 weeks of holidays roughly.

Which means....... it's still the same anyway. Just that there was no H3.

SOMEONE ENGLIGHTEN ME.


3 more days!

Running on a tight schedule with domino effects. HAHA.

It doesn't feel like blocks >.<



I seriously need to... do work :D


1. I need to remember to use HEAT WITH DISTILL. I'm dead hahahaha think mr lee think I'm a loser 'cause I cannot remember h2 reagents anymore.

2. PLEASE LET ME GET THE SAME GRADES FOR BLOCKS 1 AND I WILL HAVE NOTHING MORE TO ASK FOR.

3. still very annoyed that the psc scholarship thingy is in the midst of the blocks.

4. LIFE SUCKS AHAHA BY 11.30PM I'M GOING TO FINISH THE WHOLE OF PHYSICAL CHEM QUESTIONS WATCH ME >.<


And thank God from above that I'm still sane, still trying my best to achieve something decent for blocks, still praying for people around me through this tough period, praying that we will pull through this together, still learning how to forgive people who have done injustice to me, one day I'll get better with this.

I feel, quite calm now.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM :)


" Count your blessings. "



Before I die of anger. HAHAHA.


& hearts will hold.





1. decided to give macro lessons a skip because I need to finish what I need to finish

which =

complex tutorials + stats tutorials + redo every single example in math notes
finish the stupid phy tys + read all the notes + read all the examples
do some organic chem before i get rusty it's high time to touch organic chem again


2. huiyi is hopeless. me and chewy would agree!

EH I AM GOING TO CAMP AT HOME FOR 3 DAYS IN A ROW. HAHAHA.


It's the little things in life...
that makes you wonder for real what life offers...
that makes you think about what a person you really are deep down...
that makes you wonder what life would be like in time to come, when we learn a little more about patience, love, truth, honesty, peace, kindness.


I think I'm blessed :D

To be in hwachong, to have so many wonderful people in my life, and having God watching over from up above,

ahhhhh back to tutorials


I got reminded of the enzyme substrate, the key and lock hypothesis.




TODAY WILL BE PRODUCTIVE.





Indefinitely<3.

:D

(Okay I'm in a good mood.)


All men destined to achieve great things,



must sacrifice enough things for the better.






I've said this once, and now I'm saying it again.


Resilience starts from within :) If I can turn myself into a person, more numb, more insusceptible to feelings, it would be the day I get straight A's HAHAHA!
When the day comes, I'll become inhumane.
But of course, who is fit to be called a human if one doesn't have feelings to start with?

Tonight, the cold wind is slapping against my cheeks. It's not as cold as it was before, but I now feel some thin crust of ice forming within what is seemingly red, flowy, warm, what seemingly makes us human.


NO I AM NOT EMO-ING. It's just true thoughts from within. Before I decide to shut myself up and... change. The way Transformers do.


So it's time to catch up with the rest of the world, breathe in the same air... But sometimes breathing can prove to be so difficult. Times like this, I wish a swing would appear, or even a tree, some handfuls of sand, some bags of fivestones, no, I've stopped longing for warmth. In this world, bubbles are about the only reality. :)


I can imagine a scene of beautiful, mutli-ranged coloured balloons released into the mid air.



I, really, do not know, what to do, with, econs, anymore. I'd be happier if it was essays again.
Shall figure a way out...








What life offers.


& pray for strength through this period.

It's going to be a tremendously long one.

And no words seem to be capable of describing how cold and distant I'm feeling.




And emo songs in itunes doesn't help, at all..

Was wondering where I'd be 20 years later... 'm getting amused by the notes on facebook. Actually, I secretly think that somewhere in my mid life I would want to teach too :O But but but, there's always more than meet the eyes. If I'd really want to take teaching as a career... HAHAHAHA. Shrugs. Life confuses me :( But that's where the fun comes in.

gogogogo

天上的风筝哪儿去了
一眨眼 不见了


No man is an island.


Sabu's right... there's still 1 week more and so much can be done within 1 week so so so so so so

I must bear what my aims are in mind. :( Nothing worse than blocks 1 pretty please >.<

Otherwise, I'd just shoot myself in my head and die and disappear from earth and live in heaven happily ever after.

ONE WEEK.

I'm so tired nowadays I'm either 1. studying 2. stoning 3. lose my focus altogether.


MUST NOT LET MYSELF DOWN YOUUUU.

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED

1. MY COMP IS OFFICIALLY SCREWED WITH THAT JUMPING MOUSE AND BLINKING THING WHEN YOU TYPE = I WILL GET INCREASINGLY FRUSTRATED AND NOT USE MY COMP ALTOGETHER

2. MY PHONE IS SCREWED TOO BECAUSE IT REFUSES TO SWITCH ON 2 TIMES!

3. IM BACK HOME AFTER MY BRAINS ARE SQUEEZED DRY AND IM BACK TO SAYING LIFE SUCKS AGAIN

4. IM BACK TO STUDYING BYEEEEE


TOMORROW IS A NEW START, TO INTENSIVE MUGGING SEASON3 :D

JUST KEEP MUGGING, JUST KEEP MUGGING, JUST KEEP MUGGING MUGGING MUGGING!

kj (especially) and sabu and wl make super entertaining x 10^ infinity studying partners!!!!!!!!!! can die of laughing and being laughed at :X


Grow, and learn.

HAHAHAHA looks like everyone's getting my LIFE SUCKSSSSSS whining virus.


TODAY WAS...

1. wanted to wake up at 7.30 but PHAIL-ED
2. decided against bathing in the morn because i don't wanna sneeze in econs
3. saw super alot of people again it's like hc+cedar unite
4. son and shara complimented me on my height hah
5. PHAIL-ED attempt to want to study at bishan lib
6. PHAIL-ED attempt to do complex number in any place out of my house
7. i feel like i'm wasting my days away
8. i saw this very nice phone randomly at bk today and i want to buy it... the pros of having a touchscreen phone = i won't bother to sms anymore because it's so difficult. the cons is that i don't even know how to operate it


TONIGHT WILL BE

4 hours of chem
1 hour of ecos



I realised my comp's quite screwed. the typing thing keeps jumping about when i'm typing. it just deleted one whole entire chunk of what i wrote. wth


Life isn't THAT bad. :D (After whining repeatedly for the whole day to the class). I CAN DO COMPLEX, at least up till now... before the tough part sets in...


what about, fear and anxiety.

And willingness.






I WANT A NEW PHONE BUT NO PHONES ARE NICE. WHAT IS THIS!!!!


vroom vroom.

I think I'd start to realise, that I don't know what I'm getting myself into.

Really.

HAHAHA.It looks like the EDB dialogue thing would be a mass gathering LOLLLLL lao peng youuuuuu.


I'm good at withstanding noises!!!!!

After yesterday's studying at consult area with swinechu and the constant knocking of the ceiling and the fact that I can't study with music plugged in and now, history has repeated itself because they're knocking upstairs again. LIFE ROCKS!


AIYAH SHIT IM GOING TO SAYANG COMPLEX NOTES NOW.

TODAY WAS SUPER FUNNY!!!!! PEPSI COLA :D


SON IS STIMULATING MY BRAIN CELLS BY QUITE A FAIR BIT. IF I HAVE ANY TO START WITH.


LIM RUI WEN, resistance, resistance, resistance. World = books. MUG BEFORE YOU REGRET. You've done this 10000 times, wo ke yi de!


Keeping your goals in sight.

Yesterday was my day of rejuvenation !!!!!


In all I find strength.


In a place called missing.

I'm close to finishing this book I've started reading since last year (but HAHAHAHAHA I READ THREE BOOKS AT ONE GO AT MY MAX) so... Time to start one a new one, Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart! By Christmas I'm gonna conquer the remaining Cecelia Ahern's books that I've lost touch with :D I GOT FREE BOOKs SPONSOR HAHAHAHA = MY MUM.


AND BECAUSE OF THIS, I'm gonna study right up to 12mn today :( Life can't be that bad. I'm starting to find peace with the world. HAHAHAHA.


OH YAH I FORGOT OMGGG I SAW WEIHAN YTD IN SCHOOL HAHAHAHA SUPER HAPPPPPPPY :D + SHE HAS A NEW RESOLUTION = TO BECOME A TEACHER WHAT THE O.O

HAHAHA OKAY MAYBE WE'LL GO BACK TO CEDAR TO TEACH NEXT YEAR. LOL!!!!!!! WITH MISERABLE PAY. WAHLAO.

DAYS, GLORY.


/edit

was thinking about the LIST OF THINGS TO DO AFTER BLOCKS, then i realised this section doesn't exist because after blocks will be semi-peak period and we have so little time and damnit if there's still renovations i will kill myself like SERIOUSLY but i really wanna go back to see linlaoshi with collin + rest of the disappearing people AHHHHHHHH when my chinese used to be good :O i want to go out with bella and best bud and and and yayeeeeeee fac comm dinner I NEED A CLOSURE dumdeeeedum.


breathing, alive.


I WANT TO SLEEP. BUT I CANNOT. BECAUSE I'M TRYING VERY HARD NOW. :(

SHITZXZXZ MAN.


1. I CONCLUDE THAT I HAVE NO OCCUPATION EVEN HUIYI KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS IN LIFE AND I DON'T :( :( :( ==> this means that we won't be hostel roommates anymore you dumbass so please change your mind!!!!!!!!!!!

2. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. PRODUCTIVITY IS USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOHOO.

3. I FOUND MY PERFECT DAUGHTER IN LAW HAHAHA.

4. GLORIA WANTS TO PASS SWINE FLU TO ME -.-

THIS IS HIGHLY INCOHERENT BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO COME TO TERMS WITH MYSELF. yadadada


Sometimes I get tada, overwhelmed by the things around me.

Reality strikes in a fair bit... and then yes yes yes it's time to mug.

I forgot how was it like last time, perhaps much slacker... but the fact lies in that planned stuffs are supposed to be finish :( but i'm always like behind every day's work by 2 hours / 1hours or so. Today was fun >.> had clemmy praising me for some 1 hour because he was awed by my big mclaurin's handwriting but damnit at least i write bigbig can solve some people write small small cannot solve HAHAHA jkjk :D


1. brains is not the key
2. perseverance is
3. believing is a bonus
4. sleeping is semi important
5. goodbye world :)


HAPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY EILEEN :D



-
SOMETIMES, I don't know what you're thinking.


1. LIFE SUCKS BECAUSE I'M HAVING SHIT CRAMPS NOW AND I CAN'T FUNCTION

2. TRYING TO WEIGH OUT PROS AND CONS ABOUT TUITION. HELP DESK?

3. WILL DIE IF THIS SHIT CONTINUES TILL TOMORROW THEN I WILL GROAN IN PAIN AT EILEEN'S :O

4. KARA'S WEDDING IS ON 11TH JULY WHY MUST ALL THINGS HAPPEN ON THIS DAY

5. I SHALL GET BACK TO PHYSICS

6. CLEMENT'S TALENTED AT WRITING EMO STUFFS

7. BOYS OVER GIRLS IS (Y) (Y) I AGREE WITH SABU THAT THE GUY IS DAMN HOT WITH STRAIGHTENED HAIR. BUT NO, I SAID IM GONNA GET OUT OF TV ADDICTION.

8. LESSONS IN MORN MADE ME REALISE HOW LITTLE TIME WE HAVE

9. THE WEATHER IS DAMN HOT TODAY


So if you really want it, you got to keep reminding yourself of the targets and end product. Uh huh. Time will pass so quickly in a blink of an eye.

There's things to keep. But some things have to go. WHICH INCLUDES MY TV ADDICTION. I will change, I will.



Go, Fight, Go.


WAHAHAHAHA, I agree with weihan. It's better to turn cold and isolate yourself and just MUG.

Tonight seems, weird. LALALALALA. Tonight's moon is bright! :D

I don't know whether I'm tired or drunk... :O Had some 15% choya royal honey drink HAHAHAHA. I kinda figured out why I'm more "guy"... Probably one of the only girls around that can talk with 3uncles + 4 guy cousins about army for 1hour++++ and keep laughing 'cause it's seriously hilarious >.<

I MISSSSSSSSS.


Think I'm fine now.

Today marks the last day of H3-ing. After some 2 weeks of starting and trying and then getting into the actual mugging mode, no more H3!!!!!!! No more falling asleep on mons and thurs afternoons where the weather is so freaking hot, no more trying to buy food from fishtank and then the whole LT watches you come back because we will be one of the last to be back for lecture. No more emo-ing during tutorials because you can't understand ANYTHING. No more consults with mr teo and HUHHH-ing over everything. No more trying to craft a perfect lab report, something I've done only once in this life. Goodbye H3, even though we were saying 20 years down the road I will tell my child "EH YOUR MUMMY TOOK H3 ORGANIC SYNTHESIS AND MECHANISM WHEN SHE WAS IN J2!!!" and yitty went "your child will go mum you're kidding". HEHHHH :D

So, from now on, after blocks end, I WILL BE MUGGING EVERYDAY AWAY, since all my afternoons are free now. No more anything!!!!!!!

Push on, LIMRUIWEN >.< Let the hard part not be the consequence that is hard to bear; let it be the thundrous process that takes you to a garden of roses you plant.


Getting angry at yourself has to be the hardest, and the most miserable. Till the extent that even when best bud says "you always say die but sure distinction" and I don't even get more pissed off than I already am.


Econs tuition starts tomorrow, MORNING, thanks to CHARMAINE NG JINGWEN. HAHA.


I just can't seem to get myself to move. !)#**!)"7$*(!)#!!@


I was falling asleep in my chair... then I thought about this world famous board game, The Game of Life.

It used to be my favourite game when I was younger. Mum wouldn't buy it for me because it was expensive, (yet she happily buys scrabble -.- ) but anyway there were no one around to play with me other than her. So she always played monopoly with me :O We could spend up till 5 hours on a Sunday noon playing monopoly... Then I thought, how aptly this title is put across, The Game of Life. Sometimes life's like a game, you win some, you lose some, you gain some, you discard some. People come, people go. The process of making memories seems simply awesome. They say that people who usually suffer from amnesia will still remember some things, at the very least. I'd think that these things that they remember are those held the closest to their hearts. I'd very much like to try (for experiment's sake, duh) what do I really hold closest to my heart deep down inside, but sometimes I do think that I've got the answers deep deep deep down inside, somewhere.


Scared? it's just but a feeling.

Maybe I'm hungry, so I'm feeling imaginary butterflies in my stomach :O

Sometimes I feel that the presence of my subconscious is so, strong. And being the stubborn, strong-headed, competitive person I am don't help.


And I've decided to plung right into blocks revision the moment h3 ends tomorrow. WAHAHAHA.

At least, I feel smarter than I was 4 days ago, and that's a brilliant feeling to start today with.


HMMMMMMM. It's been so long since I last had a clear direction. O's was different. Somewhere 4 years down the road my aim was to get any results deserving to get to hc... this time round, I seem to be playing around with choices (so for the optimum, most no. of choice, I HAVE TO DO WELL) 'cause I really don't know what to do in uni... HAHAHA.



1)@#*&&!(#_!!

I thank God for you.


TODAY IS A BRIGHT AND SUNNY MORNING AND I WON'T WASTE THIS DAY AWAY.

3 more days to go!!!!!

Liberalisation for kaiyin, son, and bestbud today :( :( !)*#$&@()!($_@!+!


These days I've been feeling stress piled up and I can't wait for H3 to be overrrrrrrrr. Sometimes I think it's really not my fault that it seems so unemphasized and thus the lack of strong urge to give the final push. Guess it will be fine in the end somehow. If uni is gonna be like that because everyone assumes we know everything and thus zoom through everything, life's gonna be REALLY screwed. At least, agony's gonna last for 3 more days. I'll love charistoh when her H3 pharma chem draws nearer (because I know how it terribly feels like, insanity).

HELLO FROGGIES I WANT MAJOR SHOPPING TRIP AFTER A'S. Retail therapy is only efficient when I have money, say after 5 months of mugging and cutting down on food 'cause I get so emotinally distressed and afraid of not meeting expectations. HAHA:D DAMNIT.

My mum says charmaine is my fighting war partner. 'cause we always find tuition together during crucial times. HAHAHA.