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Friday, July 31, 2009

Bring me back to where it all began.

Then again, moving forwards... sounds challenging.
I like challenges, no?



There're days when I just wish I could stop the time, at certain moments.
But one day everything will disintegrate.
Maybe not?

And I wonder,


感恩


Thank you, for making me believe in what I never dared to believe in.


5A's isn't hard, if we'd try. 6 is way easier. HAHA!


In the end, the ship will reach the destinated dock.
This will be, no matter how stormy the rides have been, how dangerous the high and unsettled seas could get sometimes, how the steering wheel might just seem to lose control, how the engine would seemingly break down at times.

Eventually.


To gamble and to win is a great deal, it is.


What if the stake is too big to lose..?


Using IE to post now, Mozilla died on me.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
- A Return To Love, Marianne Williamson


I feel that it's increasingly important to secure those grades, get a good scholarship wherever I may end up in, find a job I like. Right now there's more reasons than ever to do well, and I can only choose to do well and not let down myself or let down anyone else. I want to be happy on the day we get back A's results, I don't want to cry no more. Talking to kaiming after a really long time made me miss the times when there was someone to guide me along in school and say jokes when I'm sad... If only he was my real brother! But it was kind of inspiring...


I'm thankful that I have two goals in fact three to work towards now, I'm no longer lost (though still a tad bit) but the direction's been getting clearer.


MUG MUG MUG!


And to my dear girl, you can pull through this :) I'll lend you my skinny shoulder when you need it!!!! Even though we wouldn't be sitting next to each other like in O's but HAHAHA my spirit will be with you always :) MUGGER SPIRIT <3 HAHA


These days I feel more detached from the world than ever.

I REALISED... sometimes it's all inside you. Maybe deep down you really know that you're meant for greater things, that at some point in life you wouldn't be satisfied with a mere life. You want to have all the crazy moments, the most fun things in the world. You want to savour every second of your life and not let your youth go to waste.

Maybe things do redefine themselves. But deep down, we're all inherently what we were since we were born.

But thank you for always bringing me down to earth, to realise that even though there are 1000 imperfections, we could think about how to make them better.


It has to work.

From now on, my life is gonna be summed up by a math equation where

Life = School + Tuition + Mugging + Breathing + Eating + Sleeping


COOLSHIT :D

When Life = School + Tuition + Mugging + Breathing + Eating + Sleeping is obtained,

As = A + A + A + A + A = 5A

SEE, it makes complete mathematical sense. :D




This is it. Okay, half my plan succeeded in wanting a wake up call. The other half didn't, cos the price is too high to pay.


Today is a sad^1000000 day.
But it's okay. Shitxzxzxzxzxzxzxz man.



So I really suck x 10^1000000 in Physics. Doesn't matter lah since I suck 10^1000000000000 in Econs more. Gp is out of the world, no powers to define. HHAHAHA



It's okay. Life gets better, somehow. Stop making excuses for your laziness HAHAHAHAHA/ Before it gets too late.


The city lights that dazzles, so brightly.


I love ngweihan HAHAHAHA.


ruiwen is gonna study very very hard for prelims and the upcoming A's. as the saying goes, make it or break it.


but some things in life, there isn't an option.

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY go go go go go go! I'm gonna play really hard today, and tomorrow will be a brand new day with a brand new starting point in life......... Weihan's later before heading down to Fullerton MUAHAHAHAHA

even if i'm still thinking of how to get an A for gp but things will work out in God's hands, it will eventually!!!!


Hello to a brand new world.


Sometimes I shock myself. HAHA.

I enjoy closures too much, so it'd better be a good one.

Was in the lift at 11.30pm yesterday and suddenly I wonder HOW THE HELL DID I SURVIVE THE DAYS WITH MP ATTACHMENTS AND FAC OUTINGS ZOMG.

EEKS.

If anything I've gained from feeling so upset with myself today, it's that the lower you fall, the higher you bounce back... Sorry mojoejoejoe and gorilla :( Really damn tired^10000 couldn't have lasted another night :( HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOJOJOJOJOJOE 18 is tough but good :) I know I'm feeling like shit and all but really still wanna thank God for everything and for turning mojojojojo 18 today!!!!! I feel like a wandering soul sometimes, I know what job I want next time, I just can't decide on how to get to it. But still, this isn't all that bad. Recently I became more thankful of the things around me even if I don't show it. Like, where would you get a friend who will write that she's a fatty on your bday card because you always call her one even if she really isn't at all -.- HAHAHAHA.

Anyway seeee it's a cedar thing, even weihan the pig is leaning towards edb HAHAHAHA


Aiyah this is getting very confusing and I can't blog in proper english but i won a 3 dollar macs voucher -.- AHAHA


Fallen from grace.

Yesterday was one of the better times in a long while!! Settlers' Cafe rocked HHAHA with the stupid duck game and stop emphasising over something that is politically sound that I said but you guys just xiang why why :( HAHAHA.

We sat on this patch beside alot of grass and talked till damn late which explains why one row of 8 people were dozing off in econs lecture today. Talked about 10000000000 things on earth.

Made me think quite alot.

HAHAhA.

Today is a ruiwen-is-super-emo day. I promised myself I would stop this negative feeling after eating icecream but ah well.

从零开始


I feel damn retarded HAHAHAHA.


Anyway, I think after today I have a much better idea of what my life would be like after A's.
I was thinking of a super crazy idea!! Since I can't decide on what to do during uni, I should just go for some double degree thingy and graduate with two degrees (hopefully) so maybe by then I will have an idea!! LOL. Anyway, it was my uncle who was so passionate and encouraging about taking two degrees which are cross disciplinary since he said that the world is so globalised now one specialization wouldn't get you anywhere. Mum said I will die because I'm not exactly smart and double degrees are for smart people -.- I told her all the smarties would have left for the brighter moons in other continents (wai mian de yue liang bi jiao yuan LOL) so I wouldn't be the stupidest in NUS or something... Yeah, this way, I wouldn't waste my H3 chem since it sounds retarded to take business at SMU then why the hell did I have to go through H3 chem for!! -.- ZZZ. Maybe I would just be satisfied and opt for one major/one minor. SHEESH. HAHAHAHA.

THINK TOO MUCH. Wait till blocks2 results come back.....



I'm happy happy happy :D because!


I AM LOVING MYSELF MORE NOW AFTER THE IMBA IDEA I THOUGHT OF WITH A SPARK IN MY HEAD!!

Anyway, me and huijuan saw an oh-my-gosh-i-can-totally-die-laughing-and-giggling scene when we were on the bus today!!

I'm in a I-want-to-go-back-to-Gratz-to-stay-at-Hotel-Ibis-mood. IT SHALL BE A HONEYMOON STOPOVER DESTINATION IF I GET MARRIED HAHAHA.




<3

Thanks for today, the super-in-pitch and loud birthday song (until the break) AHHAHA and the wonderful hugs (yes i need to be more liberal with my hugs >.< HAHAHA) and the cinnamon cake baked by gorilla and the travel planner!! Love.


Maybe because,

You just simply don't let regrets come twice in a row. Once is enough. It doesn't mean I'm living in the past, it just means how much more there can be done over the next 4 months.


The thousand possibilities that lies ahead. Being 18 means you have to decide a great deal of things that will have a significant impact for the rest of your life... and even if I think we don't deserve such pressure for such decisions we make, huiyi was right in saying that eventually we all have to.

Watched over.


By the time A's end, it'd be heaven I hope :D

2 + 5 = 7

I CAN DO MATH!!!!!!! FOR DISGRACING MYSELF BY SAYING DIAMETER = 2 PI R, NO FACE MAN, THROW MY FACE.


I think ultimately, take it when it comes. Don't complain when it doesn't. HAHAHAHA


Sometimes I'd rather I be less adventurous. Afterall, not many people would want to dig a pit and dump themselves into it to see how they would survive. Even less would enjoy the process of digging such a pit.



Anyhow, NMR rocks, 'cause there's alot of peaks. (HAHA ONLY ONE PERSON IN THIS WORLD WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I LIKE PEAKS)


I guess it's more about the courage to take just the first step out.

Subsequently, everything would seem easier.


You have to be stronger.

Stronger than this.

Strength is what it takes.


What if

in the first place

you don't even have the courage?


JOE MOE IS LOVE. :D HAHAHA. SO ARE THE STUPID GIRLS WHOSE HAIR FELL TODAY. LOL.


Today was a thought evoking day. Thank God retail therapy helps. HAHAHA.


At 18, we really wouldn't have known, we really wouldn't. Maybe it's about priorities. I don't know. What I know and hope is that one day I will get tired of fighting (in alot of contexts), trying to break my own limits. I'll keep that in mind, just so that I wouldn't lose my way one day.


Everyday.


It would seem like almost parallel paths, paths that wouldn't intersect for now, but paths that will cross someday, and paths that combine thereafter eternally. Parallel paths: they are always beside each other, line in line, side by side, they'll never derail.


Yesterday we had this long or seemingly long chat on the way to J8.

I guess common experience counts. 1.5 years and this is how different it gets. Initially you weren't always having the best, because you aren't amongst the best, I mean yes we were offered much in terms of character shaping and growth and academics but nothing nothing about development nothing about opportunities nothing as close as what IP does. NOTHING. The difference isn't even subtle, it's... plain obvious. No one knows it better than those who've been through both systems, honestly.

So when you get a chance to flip your life over, you'd better make sure you do it.

If this means wanting to bring the best out of yourself at all costs.


I don't know man.

Recently I've realised that wanting good results to win yourself could possibly be the easiest reason around. Easy to acknowledge, easy to console.

Blocks seems, strange. Haven't been able to put up a good fight. Not yet. I still hate myself for dwelling into people's expectations.


retail therapy rocks!


熬过了一关

I felt damn inspired to write 3 hours ago but not now


I JUST WOKE UP...



This morning, while doing physics halfway, alot ran through my head.

I realised I forgot how to greet the world with smiles. And I realised how smiling makes your day 100000 times better because physics felt better than everything else, period, including math. HAHAHA, if this goes on, I'll have no face to show people my sec4 testimonial !(_#*(@_)_! I realised that actually, I embrace change quite easily. GRAH. This isn't the time to think about life.

Eh, I think I should come up with a list of what to do after A's. Like, save up and go london after 6 months and become broke with yitty, baking at gorilla's, driving lessons, I'll take up piano again, maybe I'll teach or find some office job but eh I seriously feel like teaching math in secondary school that'll be fun x 100 ! I want to go cruise and I want my mum to fall out of love with Asian countries so we can go somewhere more fun!!!!! I got a secret wish HAHAHAHA to return to cambo but it seems o distant and impossible. I WISH MY BANK HAS 100000000pounds.

Before this, I need to wake up and read group 7. HAHAHHA. Pepsi cures cramps lah!!!!!!!

After 3 weeks of not wearing earrings, I have this feeling that my 2nd earhole is closing HAHAHA shall try later.


I was thinking, AHAHAHA, having tuitionSSSSS isn't that bad!

1. I get to see and talk to alot of people during econs e.g. readon shara shuna px chewy char huiyi.

2. I get to see huiyi 2 times a week now!!

3. I get to see charmaine ng everyday.

My point is, bella you should join us for tuition! LOL.


I'm so lucky today so I deserve good grades for the last two papers. :D :D :D :D Turning grumpyyyyyy.


2 more days!

I FEEL INSPIRED NOW TO GET CHEMPHY RIGHTSIDEUP, this should be it :D.

Occurrence, by standard possibilities.

Charmaine Ng Jing Wen is going to make me despise myself for being a nice friend to do something after blocks end on Wednesday. :( SEE I'M SO NICE TO YOU PIG!



"No storm is so bad that you can't learn something from it. You can grow in a storm. You can thrive. Rain cleans the air. "


DAMN PISSED NOW. STUPID. LOL. NOW MY PHONE IS Z Z Z.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAMIEEEE :D


It feels good to be back on track.


Son said yesterday that if I'm doing nothing, it means either I'm so smart kid that doesn't need to study, or that I'm plainly wth got time and don't want to study.

I wished I was the former.


In slightly more than a year,

I've learnt the art of moving on instead of stepping on the same ground, I've learnt to be denfensive because I can't open up more than I am doing already, I've learnt that the world isn't always wonderful and people ain't what they seem like on the surface 99% of the time, I've learnt that I might have just been lucky to have met people who are always true to friendships and always there for me, I've learnt not to take people for granted and is still learning how to hold on better, I've learnt that opportunities fly pass like a flying saucer and disappear as fast as they appear, I've learnt that knowing alot of people can be a two-edged sword, I've learnt that I'm not what I seem like on the outside either, I've learnt that letting go can be easy, I've learnt that I'm actually good at acting and becoming numb because it seems so natural at times, I've learnt to fight for yourself because nobody else would fight for you, I've learnt to accept and desire only the best and nothing else.

I've seen even more sorts of people that I've came across with in the entire of my life, I've seen people come and go, I've seen how people let go of things they treasure so much and put so close to their hearts, I've seen and heard of once upon a times, I've understood that perfection doesn't exist, yet I've seen so many including myself still going and wanting perfection, or even just coming close to it, I've seen people break down and rise up again, I've seen people break down and never rising up since then, I've seen good people doing bad things, bad people doing good things, and realise that there're always parts of us that no one can comprehend, I've seen for myself how wonderful the Lord is, I've seen clouds pass by and things just turning into memories, I've seen smiles and heard tears, and there'll only be more to come definitely, I've seen the brightest side of life and how thunderstorms come as quickly as rainbows disappear as they appear, I've seen what love possibly is.

And concluded that no two lives can ever be the same, we just need to be contented with what we have. Content doesn't equate to showing the world how happy you are or whatever yadadada, 'cause to me, it represents a fear that one day you will just lose it all because the world is fair.


The power of gift.

And the power of receiving.


It's not the end.

HAHAHHAA embarrassing x 100 to talk about what I wrote for the last question of physics paper stupid application stupid people stop making me malu over what I wrote >.< LOLLLL 'cause I'll just become super red lah!

gonna fall asleep soon


I feel so small. HAHAHAHA

Shitz I want to sleep >.<


The way Leonard puts it, ego problem. The way I see it, not liking, cannot, and don't want to, and will not, is the same T.T


Ha ha ha.



Time to get back what was lost.

Big time.



SHITZXZXZXZXZXZ.