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Monday, August 31, 2009

I don't want to give up, yet.

I don't want to give it up without trying.

But what if, what if what I want isn't what is the best for me?

At this point, in this time, I really hope that I was a more articulate person, someone who is able to put her points across, express herself fluently with pen and paper.

But I know I'm not.

P.S.
I have a friend called lee ying ting who doesn't know that gold bars sparkle :D She's stupid enough to love diamonds (and they're worthless somemore!!)


I think it's amazing how sometimes, after going one full round, you arrive at what you've set out to be initially.

Sometimes, life is really a joke. HAHA >.<

We ought to step back, and not try to take control... which is damn difficult HAHA I remember why they stress it now.

ANYWAY, just did a chem paper 1 and bao-ed HAHAHA.

IM RAMBLING LIKE ANYTHING.


It dawned upon me that I/we still have so much more to learn.

And learning never stops, not even when A's is going to be over in due time.

Keep going :)


So today marks the last official school day in HC.
Was well-spent with gao's bday celebrations, left halfway to chill with gorilla eli and resh @ NYNY, came back to school to wait for my dad.

I've realised how much I've changed in just two years. Honestly, I didn't think much of the changes were for the better good. It led me to change into a more self-restrained, less vocal, less bubbly person, having to deal with many complexities and immense stress. Not that the journey had been bad, it would be unjustifiable to say so. The class wasn't bad, choir has its own ups and downs but it has been truly enjoyable, grew closer to alot of cedarians in hc I wasn't close to before, found some true friends and lost some too but I'm thankful for you guys for helping me survive through these two years and pigs who rock, fac commm was a rollercoaster journey, studies was piak.

The future seems so far away, yet so near.

Next week marks the start of Prelims.

I have to admit that I'm scared, but something struck me today, I seem to have forgotten to believe in what I can achieve... :D No boundaries, nothing, we can achieve so much more if we'd just believe.


To quote son, "I think I've reached a point of immeasurable emotional fatigue" too.


Simply put, I CAN STILL CARRY ON.

HAHA, tonight I feel like I can't function LOL.


I'LL BE YOUR WINGS WHEN YOU CAN'T FLY~



I AM AT A COMPLETE LOSS AS TO HOW SHOULD I PREPARE FOR GENERAL PAPER.


Learn to trust the Lord in all that you do.
As long as you've done your best, learn to rest in Him and trust Him to undertake what is best for you.
For He will always give you what is best for you.





True enough, there's so much more to learn in life OTHER THAN trying to memorise Economics and understand Singapore's cheem economy with an exchange rate-centred monetary policy... *YADADADA* But... life still isn't that bad.

Honey is good for health. Honey attracts bears. I remember how I'd get so frightened whenever my mum tried to tell me a hundred acred woods story (there's a tap on the window, two taps, piglet gets frightened, but I get even more scared) and I'd make her stop the story... Nowadays, I experience a different kind of fear altogether. Fear for the unknowns. Then again, the only certainty in life is uncertainty.

But thank you for being one of the biggest certainties in my life.


LIFE IS HARD.

PHYSICS IS HARDER.


These days have been... strangely quiet.

HAHAHA. TOO BAD. BUT I NEED PEACE MORE THAN I NEED PEOPLE AROUND ME. Can't study when there's people. I was just wondering how 2 years can transform me into someone who really appreciates solitude.

ANYWAY, bad day, firstly, wore the wrong pair of socks it's super thick. secondly, didn't bring pencilcase+calculators and there goes my plans of mugging in school till late at night :( So I went to popular instead and spent 40 bucks HAHAHAHAHA on materials to help keep my room neatER. A Neat Room is impossible, at least it has been for the past 10000 years. So, since I didn't manage to keep a tidy room (resulting in me spending approximately 1/3 of my studying time FINDING NOTES)... I've decided that a change is good, once in a while. MAYBE THIS IS THE KEY TO GETTING STRAIGHT A'S WHICH I DIDN'T THE LAST TIME... MAYBE...

The world is so confusing. I don't know where to go. LALALALALA.


Today marks 2 weeks to the start of Prelims.

This week is gonna be CRAZY hahahahahahahahaha I'm gonna turn into some crazy mugger! By the end of this week, I want to finish chem tys + revision lecture extra questions + finish math package + do half of stats package + finish open ended of some physics booklets + tuition work zzzzzz + write more econs essay + start memorising because I've forgotten all-you-need-to-know-for-microeconomics.

This is the price to pay. HAHA. Son agrees that A's isn't about pia-ing, okay maybe it is, but it's also about having the mental capacity to withstand stress and deal with physical limitations like how we all need to sleep properly and comfortably and at the same time find some balance with work and fun but still mug alot.


YAYE. GO RUI WEN :D


MAKE IT. MAKE IT. MAKE IT.

Time for a Showdown.


Chai's house = fun + food = a happy ruiwen :D
I WON THE FIRST TENNIS MATCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (MY PARTNER WAS GY BUT WHO CARES I AM PRO TOO!!!)

Now, it's time...

You always have to pay a price for everything you desire in this world. No one is fit to say if it's worth it all. But at the end of the day, at least, if you've really really tried, you can be accountable to yourself.

The rest can come later.

For now, I'd study because I really want to. Not because my prelims will make a difference if I intend to get a scholarship... HAHAHA:D


This is how it kills.


These days, I've realised how important GP is, especially if I were to accomplish this small little desire of mine for the greater good.


Different people in different capacities have different ways of living their lives.

We all have different paths to fulfil.


i feel damn pissed now

i think my parents made a good point about socially irresponsible people
who will all cause the flu epidemic to spread faster than ever


This morning was a blissful and funny one!


I'm not sure if I want to put myself through this...
But I think the words made sense. To see results, you need to first overcome yourself and work on the changes you need to make.
Overcome conformity, only then you can emerge better and be a more effective individual.

Working towards your future sounds... intangible at the moment to me. It seems to be a concept so hard to capture or perceive.


Come what may.


Go.

HAHAHA, one day when I get addicted to............ studying




You know, I've always like keeping this doubt about my capabilities.
Maybe it's high time to believe.
Have a bit more faith.

Today a sudden conclusion came over me, that maybe I'd be happier if I stop expecting life to be rewarding constantly. >.O




It's the game of the mind.