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Saturday, October 31, 2009

ME HAS LAUNCHED THE -RESIST-CHEMISTRY-PRELIMS-CHALLENGING-AND-WTH-QUESTIONS-PAPER-CAMPAIGN and is now moving on to -I-LOVE-TYS-LIKE-I-DID-2-YEARS-AGO-CAMPAIGN :D Unbelievably, I recalled finishing Topical + Yearly TYS-ES at least twice-thrice for 3 sciences 2 math but now I cannot finish ANY. LOL.


Maybe this sucks, because I know better than anyone else what it takes to achieve those results.

Push on :)


EEEEEEEEKS.

I'm going mad already HAHAHA. Had consult at 8.30am in the morning, found out where my mistakes lie in although I strongly disagree to a large extent that my content is strong 'cause it really isn't... but yeah I'll have to take a more dominant approach in writing and showing my stand instead of weird statements that are neither here nor there. Mr Teo enlightened me on how-to-mug-for-gp HAHAHA. Which I think is a good approach so I'm going to try it tomorrow. I'm going to mug Mcmurry for nitrogen compounds MUAHAHAHA.

Had macs for brunch continuing on physics NAO.

YES YES WE CAN DO IT :D EIGHT! :D


I realised...

There's no time no time no time.

Thank God I'm blessed with the ability to handle stress, quite well, better than some others, for most situations. I don't know if it's a good thing to want to try to beat yourself time and over again because sometimes it all just seems so impossible and that I ... don't know what to say.

WHY DO IMPERFECT INFORMATION EXIST. I WISH I WAS A GUY :( GRAH GRAH GRAH. I know, what's yours will be yours in the end but AHHHHH stupid shit

Maybe blame myself for being stupid HAHAHA sighzxzxz I don't know lah zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz


Just gotta push a little bit harder. There, there.

I don't know but today any overwhelming feeling came over me and I'm like, so what if I don't make the cut? I told myself "That will be it." I really really want this and I know I have to overcome this activation energy which is really huge :( I'm taking the first step towards it, I know there's a limitation to my understanding of math and sciences and economics and GENERAL KNOWLEDGE but I want to make the best out of my limited abilities as well.

So that I will never regret for not working as hard as I should. There's no basis for comparison in terms of how hard you study because you're an unique individual. No one is like you. Even if you need to study 5 or make it 10 times as hard as others, do it.

Remember what we said 'd do next year in central plaza? I really want to.


In about less than one week, I'm going to

1. Fully comprehend Nitrogen Compounds for the first time
2. Finish memorising Econs
3. Work on Statistics and make sure the probability of getting any Stats question correct = 1
4. Memorise all physics definitions
5. Work on Transition Elements
6. Summarise all my notes to memorise for GP

7. Finish the purple Chemistry Booklet
8. Finish Math TYS + SRJC Paper
9. Do at least 3 econs essay + 3 case studies
10. Start doing Physics TYS and finish ASAP + Random questions I skipped while doing blue booklet
11. WORK ON GPPPPPP I'M GOING TO GET MY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GP A GP A GP A!
12. Sleep at least 6 hours a day!
13. STAY HAPPYYYYYYYY AND MUG MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE


slack somemore and i will fail a's


1. As of now I only have 6 friends who have not gotten their prom dresses so I concluded either a. I have more guy friends than girl friends in hc or b. My girl friends are all superwomen 3. I have pathetically very little friends. HAHAHAA.

2. So gorilla who turned 18 yesterday offered her help to start "HELP RUIWEN GET A PROM DRESS AFTER A's". GORILLA IS VERY CUTE. Gorilla insists that gorilla is glorilla instead. And that I'm such a nice friend to offer to burn down / explode her kitchen for her for free :D She threatened that I shouldn't do that because I will have no more nice cakes to eat >.< HAHAHA. STUPID GIRL you can become chimpanzee next year :D :D = old gorilla

3. I have approx 35 x 8 marks worth of physics questions to be completed by SUNDAYYY NIGHT. SAVE ME :(

4. A few days back I have a kind offer to help me with my PS (HAHAHAHA see I blogged it down you cannot deny) in exchange for the kind gesture I shall cook for you once a week after A's! :D

5. It's 5.45PM now and I need to finish 12 more questions before 7.15PM so I can watch the new Japanese Drama see I love tragedies HAHAHA :S

6. I just realised that I ACTUALLY LOVE READING NEWSPAPERS. Political columns. Siao already -.-


I have a bag's full worth of reasons to do well for A levels.

The main thing is that the definition is arbitrary.

I've always wondered if taking Physics was a mistake on my part. 2 years later, it's still proving to be one of my worst subjects if you'd cast GP aside. 2 years go, O's had proven it to be the worst -.- A stubborn me chose this path to want to prove to myself that heyyyy it was all an accident. I need A's to prove a younger me wrong.

The thing about believing what you've got and what you have not got takes up more than a large part to me. Till date, although I've always believed that if you'd rank IQ in hwach, I will be below 50 percentile. That's fine. That's only because hardwork has proved itself to me to be more important than your IQ. Maybe those who really feel that they belong... belong to the smarter side. I DON'T KNOW.


NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. I WANT TO ACHIEVE WHAT I SET OUT TO BE.


I can do so much more than this. WHAT IS THIS STUPID MISERY GOING TO BRING? Nothing. Onward, onward, onward.


There's no time.


After I woke up in the afternoon, throat = super pain. Don't even have mucus. Water flows down from my nose. Strepsils pain relief doesn't help. Nose is wet now again :( Water flows down from windpipe.

Normal sorethroat lozenges = gone.



HOW TO GO SCHOOL TMR :S


Today I'm happy because I got a fat sausage after Econs lecture :D

AHA


I WANT HEADACHES TO GO AWAYYYY SHOO!!!!!!!


To think it's all gonna be over.

Took a super long nap. Got rid of my 4 day x 24hours long headache, now it's kind of between a headache and feeling light in the head. :O WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

I can't help but wonder how would I feel like next Thursday. Charis's words were harsh, but so raw, so true.

EEEEEKS I want to go cambodia too :( WHY MUST THEY LEAVE SO EARLY THIS YEAR RAH RAH RAH!




Do your best, and God will do the rest.


When ME decides to put my mind into something, focus all my energy into it,

I don't believe that I can't create my own destiny.


This is it.


Today I realised that what you think is enough isn't actually enough.


Because there will always be an infinite number of people who are better than you. So the only thing you can really do is to keep striving for the best.

Believing can be so difficult sometimes but you just go to do it.

YESSSS RUIWEN YOU CAN DO IT! 提起精神 D:


HAHAHA. Okay settled this.

I don't think that life after A's will get any easier since there's 100000 things to do.

It's more like "just in case I want to go......" so just do it. Better to do something about it than regret if you decide to change your mind which is highly likely given that I'm so fickle-minded :O Right? HAHA.


I HAVE LEARNT ALOT from having backup plans after so long HAHAHAHA!!!


It feels weird to have this false sense of direction.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO D:

There's no reason left anymore.


I need another book called "How to tackle Data Analysis for Physics in 10 days".



>.<


There should be a book called "How to get full marks for Statistics in less than 10 days."


And now, this must have been the most sincere and deepest prayer I have.

Please let it come true.


TODAY I FEEL STUPID BECAUSE UHHHHHHHHHH I CANNOT DO CHEMISTRY WHEN IM UNCONSCIOUS.

SO I STARTED MAKING WEIRD NOISES TO REPLACE MY DESIRE TO SCREAM.


GRAH THIS IS INFURIATING.


In one week's time, I must pick up momentum for Econs!!! Either you make it now or you break it.

AND THEN PHYSICS PHYSICS PHYSICS. ARGHHHHH I MUST MUST MUST MUST GET A BECAUSE I HAVEN'T GOT A FOR THE WHOLE YEAR SO THIS IS THE LAST EXAMINATION RIGHT.

NOT TO MENTION ECONS.

AND GP WAHLAOZXZXZXZ.


AIYAH WHATEVER SCREW THE WORLD I HATE THIS MANZXZXZXZXZZ I KNOW MY LIFE ISN'T THAT BAD BECAUSE I FELT LIKE DIGGING A HOLE TO CRY AFTER READING NEWSPAPERS YESTERDAY BUT WTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS DAMN TOUGH HOW TO GET A FOR GP AND THE LIST GOES ON.


OKAY I JUST REALISED THAT NUS IS QUITE GOOD ACTUALLY O.o


Stalled off AJ math for a while because my brain refuses to recall how to solve it but I know how to solve it :O

CHEMISTRY HERE I COME!!

Smsed Mr Lee to ask about the compiled A's questions' answers. Was expecting any reply but this:
"Yes it will be ready in 1+ weeks' time".
My face muscles didn't move momentarily HAHAHAHA >.<
ANYWAY I was wondering what he will put in like CLEMMY's personal statement (HAHAHA 'cause some other classes' cts showed them already) 'cause got reminded of ps while learning how boring Vj's grad day was but quite cool HAHAHA got concert eh! LAST YEAR CHOIR SANG CHINESE SCHOOL SONG LOL + BIN BIN YOU LI CHU CHU DE TI ZHONG YU ZI JI ZHONG YU TA REN.......... i forgot the lyrics.



WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE A WHITE BLOUSE EXCEPT ME. LOLLLLLLL. SOPHIA CANNOT WAIT TO SEE ME IN DIAMONDEDDDDDD SHIRT. YEAH >.<

OKAY CHEM CHEM TILL 8 AND GPGPGPGP FOR THE NIGHT!


I don't like this at all. Who is to determine what is an accurate reflection of our ability or not. zzz. LIES!!! And I'm gonna reverse what happened yesterday. Go me!


Today I promised Mr Ong I'll work damn hard to get an A for Physics. ME WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET AN A FOR PHYSICS !!

I guess this is the joy of climbing up after falling so deep down. Stupid people like me enjoy the thrill of having yourself stuck in an unimaginable situation just to see how you survive it. Afterall, there exist situations where you have NO CHOICE but to survive. I think after 2 years in hwach I've finally, fully, accepted the fact that I'm still stupid (more in some ways, less in some others) than alot of people so the only thing I should do now is to study SMARTER (like how I got 0.5marks out of 5 marks for Q4 Chemistry Paper 3 even though I thought I mugged inorganic chemistry ALOT)... Graduation's coming. I haven't found any white blouses.

20 more days, make the best out of it. WE WILL NEVER REGRET WORKING SO HARD IN OUR LIFE.


I hope that one day I will look back and exclaim that I've truly enjoyed studying for A's... just like how I miss the O's days right now. (MAYBE THAT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN I ERRR... STUDY FOR FINAL UNI YEAR EXAM)

gogogo:)

Step by step, here we go.


Started to pick up a bit of momentum. I think Prelims have served me well, so did the ten thousand gallons of tears that fell. SHIT + RUIWEN = MORE CAUTIOUS WHILE DOING PRACTISES, NEATER HANDWRITING, NEGATIVE COMPLACENCY, INFINITY HUMILITY, A FAIR BIT OF FEAR. This is what I called ground zero.

Now, what's left to do is to start building blocks upwards into the sky.

I feel like I'm a changed person within a matter of 2 days. Guess it's a good thing afterall..


Finding inner peace is never easier. But fight on.


Not because of who I am, but because of who You are.

Like a wave tossed in the oceans.

Charis, you're dead right about something. Now, there's only one way to live for. :D

This has got to be one of the darkest days in JC. May God's grace help me through this tough period. It's hard, but I'll try and leave everything else in God's hands.

Try, like I've never before.


I fell asleep on dad's car on the way home. I woke up, feeling very dazed. Time-check it was 1.24pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I wished it was all a nightmare, but it wasn't. Within 5 seconds I recollected back all these feelings and memories and yes, I just received my Math results.

I thought the world had ended, momentarily at least. Yesterday night I was still thinking about those possibilities, many could-have-beens, which all disappeared as quickly as they came. So this was all that is needed to kill all the hopes and what nots. "How stupid this was" I thought. Only fools cry over results. I am amazed, at how everything could be so easily destroyed within split seconds of receiving your paper and calculating the average of two papers.

This felt worse than when I received my O's results which was about the saddest moments in my life that I can remember now that I'm in such a shock. At least I knew I was staying in hwach despite those results.

Now I feel like I'm at the top of the cliff and there's nothing left to do. Yes, I can always continue crying so badly and trembling so badly (if this gives a clue to how shocked and how wrecked I felt/feel) and waste toilet papers to wipe saltwater off my face.

"Was this it?" Was two math papers all that was needed to kill me? "How easy this was" I thought.

If anything, I take this as a sign from God that readjustments is needed. You're right. You reminded me that this is nothing but a checkpoint.


Because I'm 好胜, I'm depressed and sad and feel sore over my math, not because everyone else was getting high A's, but because ultimately I've lost to myself.
Because I'm 好胜, I will fight back two times harder: this is the end of one chapter, but this game has barely beginned.
For the very same reason, I promise myself now that I will work doubly hard and constantly remind myself that this is what it takes just for the very fact that I'm not super smart but it will all be worth these painful efforts at the end of the day.

I'm still breathing, still alive. For my dreams, I will. We will.




LIFE GOES ON YO.



Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creaer of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.


One more month to A's and I'm still at peace with it because I'd rather be taking the examinations than having so much free time that you could cry simply because you don't know where else to go.

Okay so I'm off the do Chemistry YAYE YAYE then Math and some GP.

Eeyer, seriously I CANNOT picture myself reading an Arts subject as much as I'd love to. Like what I told a few others WHAT IF WE CANNOT GRADUATE WITH A DEGREE 'CAUSE WE FAILED EVERYTHING.

I think we're probably the only people who spend more time in Ion's toilet than Ion itself... It's okay trust me I will build a toilet like this next time in my house so Charis can have all the time in the world living in my toilet HAHAHA I can rent it to you at $1 per hour (special discount for YOU!!) but thank God for the time HAHAHAHA JAMIE I still can't believe you. :O HAHA!


If anything, it made me more confused AHAHAHAHAHA/ fancy waking up so early in the morning to make myself more confused :O


Why I hate to watch 焦点 or 星期二特写:

It makes me feel sad about life.

But today it made me feel like a fortunate little girl. Life has been and still is adequate.


I think I ain't completely awake yet so I'm in pretty much a daze.....

YADADADADAH I HOPE CLASS GOES FLYER TONIGHT SO I HAVE MOTIVATION TO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE 'CAUSE I FEEL SUPER LAZY TO EVEN MOVE NOW.


WHY YOU SHOULDN'T READ YOUR EMAIL EARLY IN THE MORNING:

If I haven't read my email, I wouldn't find out that our chemistry marks have already been computed (they mark SUPER fast lah, at the speed of light).
If I haven't found out that our chemistry marks have already been computed, I wouldn't feel so sore now that nothing can be done except to whine and moan and look forward to 9.30...

It's strange because I should know better than anyone else how important is it to press on and not give up. But I guess theory and practical differs just too much. LIFE SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.